Overheard convo - tell friend?

[camiclairi]

Yesterday I went for drinks with some friends after work, couple of us brought our partners.
One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship, I haven't got a great feeling about him but she seems happy.

At one point in the evening my friend went to the bathroom, I then overheard her boyfriend talking to a stranger.
The stranger asked what his girlfriend did and he replied (she's work in events and marketing for a large very well known museum) saying what she does and followed it with "so not very bright but looks good on my arm" the stranger asked if she went to uni and he said "yeah but one of those pointless degrees that need banning" (English Lit & Classics at St Andrews ..... hardly Mickey Mouse stuff!), she also has a masters from Kings College! He then went into talking about his finance and economics degree.
She came back before anything else was said and the convo moved on.
However it's sat weird with me that he would talk about her this way. I think my friend is a genuinely intelligent, and extremely knowledgeable person, probably more so than many many people working in the city (I say as one of those people). I feel she deserves someone who is proud of her achievements and doesn't aim to diminish them. She is from an Uber wealthy background so I guess felt no need to do a job or degree she doesn't love!
I'm now thinking I should tell her I overheard this but other friends think I should keep out and she will realise sooner or later - or maybe she already knows and is fine with it.

AIBU wanting to tell friend?

Why didn’t you say something at the time?

If someone said this about my friend I’d be going up to him then and there and confronting him

Even if he manages to worm his way out of it, she needs to know. I agree with PP that if just an acquaintance then I'd stay out of it (not because they don't deserve to know, simply because you do not know each other well enough to be believe then you end up involved in drama), but as a friend I don't think I'd be able to get passed not telling me and allowing me to be further humiliated.

Also as a friend I'd have told him to stop speaking about her like that at the time though, unless you felt intimidated which would be understandable if you don't really know him.

I would tell her so she can make an informed decision as soon as possible.

It was probably a joke taken out of context. As she is clearly intelligent and he knows it

I would definitely tell her. But then again, I'd have confronted him at the time and said, 'Excuse me? You're talking utter bollocks'.

I would say you heard him say some not very kind things about her. Don’t give specifics, just say you didn’t feel comfortable not sharing it as she deserves a lot better.

Why would a stranger be cross examining him on his GF's CV?

Sounds like a set up or a misunderstanding.

I think the degree comment could just be taken as a joke but the comment "so not very bright but looks good on my arm” is worse! It could just be his sort of sense of humour but I would mention it to your friend.

I think my friend is a genuinely intelligent, and extremely knowledgeable person.

Thats probably why he feels threatened and insecure, he doesn’t sound great but I guess thats her choice.

I didn't say anything at the time as tbh I don't know him, how he would react or if I was misunderstanding. I probably should have on reflection.

Also we are still reactively young 23-26, degrees still come up quite often usually in a what "what do you do for work" "where" "how long you been there" "what did you do before that" then the pleasantries of oh yeah where did you study/what did you study.
I'm sure as we get older it will become less relevant!

"yeah but one of those pointless degrees that need banning"

You should call him out simply for being a knob.

Gosh yes definitely tell her. Especially because it's a new relationship. She needs to know what she's getting into.

I would absolutely tell your friend, that's what friends are for. She should know how horrible he is.

Seems strange for the boyfriend to give such details and make disparaging remarks about his own date to a perfect stranger within earshot of her friend at the table where there is no one there.

He is not very bright and/or far more invested in his 'bro' mates than his own date or this is a made up story.

Well, my neighbour was playing away and everyone knew about it. Everyone except her husband. I knew and didn't say anything. When He eventually found out after several months, maybe even a year, when she demanded a divorce, he was totally broken. He just couldn't/ wouldn't beleive it. I knew all along and didn't warn him and have felt guilty about it from that day to this. Even though I know that had I told him he wouldn't have believed me and woudn't have liked me for it. But . . .tell her!

Huh. This is making me pause for thought actually.
It sounds like the kind of silly, immature thing a young person (man or woman!) might do. I'm not sure whether that makes him slimy and terrible but it depends really.

I still think she deserves to know but how to interpret - up to her.

He’s an arsehole. However be prepared to lose your friend if you tell her what you have heard. I’d let him know you overheard what he said though.

I would tell her, I’ve been in a VERY similar situation before and because I thought it was best to withhold information… I lost a very good friend

Clearly the Uber wealth is what this dickhead has his eye on.

tell her.

You have to tell her!

I would tell him that I was onto him and that he needed to tell her or I would.

Tell her.

I think I would’ve interrupted and said to the stranger he’s batting above his station and then have gone on to say about her qualifications and beauty with it!

I would tell her. He's hiding his jealousy from her and presenting as something else.