DH grumpy all weekend if I don't give him sex

[maggh]

There's a clear correlation.

He expects it every Friday night basically.

If I don't want to or say no, he's super grumpy all weekend. He doesn't talk much, moaps around, doesn't want to do anything, criticises stuff I've left undone at home. Just bad vibes all round.

I honestly wouldn't care if I never had sex again.

I only do it to avoid the moods, never because I want to.

Sometimes I say no, I'm tried or whatever and he just says he hates his life.

He also smokes and says if I ' gave him more sex ' he'd quit.

We have two kids under 5.

I'm feeling very resentful.

YANBU he sounds repulsive.

If you would happily never have sex with him again, I think you need to consider whether this relationship has run its course.

I know it’s awful and hard when you have young children but nobody should ever pressure you into sex or make you feel guilty for saying no. And if you don’t want sex, you do not have to have it.

Maybe you could consider counselling because there’s been a total breakdown of communication and desire it seems. But please please remember that you are 100% entitled to say no to sex and any decent man will accept that without question, guilt trip or sulking session!

Have you told him his passive aggression and making sex transactional is coercion?

Does he understand that sex isn’t something you give him, but is meant to be a mutually desired experience and an outcome of intimacy and depth of relationship?

Coercive sex is rape.

This from the Metropolitan Police:

” What separates sex, or a gesture of affection, from sexual assault? It's a matter of consent. That is, both people agreeing to what's happening by choice, and having the freedom and ability to make that choice. See Consent is Everything and Support for victims of rape and sexual assault for more advice and information.”note the “agreeing by choice” and “having the freedom … to make that choice”. Agreeing to avoid a grumpy weekend is not a free choice.

This sounds grim and I’d expect your marriage to fail if there arent changes.

Intimacy is obviously important to him, but not you, his way of communicating is childish, you need to work things out like adults.

It sounds like the relationship is over unless you can communicate well enough between you to overcome this. Resentment leads to contempt and that’s a killer.

He shouldn’t try to coerce you into sex you don’t want. However, if you don’t think you’ll ever want to have sex with him again you need to tell him that so he stops asking and you can both decide what the future holds.

We have two under 5 and I wouldn’t be happy if DH decided I was going to be celibate forever if that’s what staying married to me meant.

This is sexual coercion. 😔

OP you deserve a happier life than this.

Jeez that is proper grim. I’ve no advice as I assume you won’t leave this prince.

Does he actually do anything to get you in the mood.....its not a light switch you turn off and on 🤐

Give him sex is so horrible. It should be a mutual pleasurable experience.

Please don't have anymore sex with this man unless you 100% want to. He's bullying you into it, trying to bribe you. I suspect he's a shit father too.

Please consider if you want this forever as that is the reality unless you leave. He's never going to change.

i would leave

I lived a long time in a marriage like this. My solution was to acquiesce but not to participate. DH was not grumpy but I didn't feel like I'd had to submit. In my family's idiom: 'I just lay there'

If he had flirted with me and acted like he cared - compliments, flirty eyes, occasional dinners or flowers with flirting (get the theme?) instead of expecting me just to roll over, I would have enjoyed it and he would have enjoyed it more.

That would just give me the ick. Urgh.

He’s a pig. A good man would never expect sex at any time.

You don't have to live like this. I assume you've thought a lot about leaving him - is something stopping you?

I think sex is much more important for some men than for some women, and clearly, you cared enough about sex with your husband to come by two children. I think you need to assess your relationship - do you love this man? Is he otherwise a good husband? Is it that you are irked that he is grumpy if he doesn’t get sex, or that you simply don’t want it, or that you feel taken for granted? You need to talk to him about it - you can’t just turn your feelings on and off like a tap, but it is an act of love, and the pair of you do need to meet in the middle somewhere if you don’t want your relationship to be doomed.

She hasn’t said intimacy isn’t important to her. She’s said she doesn’t want sex every Friday night, and I’d be surprised if she ever wanted sex with a petulant ass like him.

I bet she’d love intimacy.

She said

I honestly wouldn't care if I never had sex again.

All relationships end one way or another and this one appears to have run its course.

What will you do?

Is that really how easily people give up on marriages?

He's not my boyfriend- we are married with two kids.. surely there must be some way to sort this out, that isn't divorce?

Or am I just dreaming to think like that?

But don't you think that's probably because she's gone right off it after being with a sulking man child who gets shitty with her if she's not in the mood??

His behaviour is not on at all but you have clearly said that you'd be happy to never have sex again.
Have you had that conversation with him?
What happened over the years for you to feel this way? That sex is now a Friday night chore?

I'd hate to feel like I'm a chore to be done.

You both need to start talking to each other rather than just floating about in the same house.

No wonder you don't want it. He sounds vile and tbh his behaviour is abusive. You deserve better.

Does he understand that if he behaved in a way that made you want to have sex with him then you would, and that his awful behaviour is the reason you don’t want to? The idea of ‘giving him’ sex on a Friday night with no thought of what you might want of need is horrible, no wonder you don’t want to.

Well you said he wants sex and you don’t ever want sex with him again. That doesn’t sound like a happy marriage to me.

You could try counselling I guess but in my experience, once I go off someone physically, there’s no way back from that.

Some men might adjust to a sexless marriage but again, that’s not how you have described your husband.