To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

[Liolio]

DP has a 19 year old DD, she has just finished her first year of uni at St Andrews. She is quite spoilt but we don't live together/I don't parent her, my kids are younger so I'm not experienced.
Money isn't really relevant to DP, he is from a wealthy family, his DD has a trust fund etc.
His DD is on a sports team, they play in one of the higher leges and often travel as far as Nottingham/Loughborough for fixtures. They need to take equipment etc. The way it is set up is one person can get approved to drive them all and claim millage back. The person who did it this year has now graduated so she has offered.
However she has a BMW 1 series, doesn't think it is big enough to carry all the kit. So DP has said if she decides what bigger car she wants he will get her it (separate from the rust fund!).
She is sending brand new audi's/Mercedes/BMW etc. all worth many thousands and not necessarily more practical than what she has (Think C Class/A5/3 Series).

He doesn't seem to care that it could get damaged/insurance/speed etc.

AIBU to have said this is ludicrous and she shouldn't be getting a big fancy car at 19, not because of money but safety/logic etc.

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

Well...you are judging his parenting, aren't you?

It wouldn't be my choice even if I could afford it - but it's not my money and not my daughter.

I wouldn’t, even if I had the money, because there is value, in my view, to not having everything handed to you on a plate. That said, just because I wouldn’t, doesn’t make it wrong - his money, his choice.

I love "rust fund" - saving up for a used car for your teen

I think you're slightly BU op but you make up for it with this delightful typo

Enough cars in the sports team makes a huge difference. I travelled all over the country playing sport for the university and I do appreciated the parents of my team mates who had bought them cars (I didn't learn to drive till later). So given the hobby it seems a sensible use of money. It's quite hard to be very spoilt and play team sport at a high level, it shapes you as a person. I learnt more useful work places skills from the sport than I did from my (very highly regarded) degree

I could drive my second hand Fiesta over 100mph if I wanted to, and fatal accidents happen at lower speeds too, so no added danger there.

And with enormous wealth they clearly don't have to worry about damage or insurance.

Logic doesn't really come into it.

So that's your concerns dealt with OP.

Now, about your jealousy......

YABU to even try to influence what he spends on his daughter. If you are genuinely concerned about her safety and the practicalities of lugging sports kit around, you could always suggest DP buys her a Range Rover.

Where I live lots of kids are given brand new expensive cars when they pass their test at 17. The number of fancy cars driven by red P platers is astounding. Obviously the parents can afford it so their money, their choice. Not what I would do personally but I will never have the choice so try not to judge others. I really wouldn’t make this a sticking point with your DP, you will just come across as jealous and if he has to choose he would rightly choose his child.

One of the advantages of a brand new expensive car is the safety features OP. The clapped out old banger I bought for £450 when I passed my test could go at 100mph (admittedly, 0-100mph took about 3 minutes). I know which car I'd rather be in a crash at speed in! Plus the fancy new car will have collision avoidance systems, which can reduce (but not eliminate) risk.

YABVVU.
Safety - new cars have more safety features.
Logic - what does this even mean?
He can afford it so insurance, damaging etc is irrelevant.

You may have a point about spoiling her but she's a rich girl and not your daughter so none of your business really.

Are you sure you're not jealous that on some level your DC will never get anything handed to them on a plate like that?

If he can easily afford it, I don't see a problem. My Mum bought me a brand new Ford Escort when I passed my driving test at 17 because that was what she could afford. I loved it and was grateful for it as it meant I could drive to school which was about 12 miles away, instead of catching the school bus!

You're not BU to think it's ludicrous to get that sort of car, but maybe would have been better left unsaid if he's got more money than sense. If he can afford the car and the presumably eye watering insurance it's his to spend.

A decent sized new or newish car with excellent safety ratings isn't daft... but the best choice may not be those German brands trading on rather outdated reputations, and probably a touring sports type of model for kit carrying.

Not sure that expensive cars are any less safe than cheap ones. What do you say when he criticises the things you buy for your DC?

This is why you should never date men with children
for what it’s worth
I bought my daughter a brand new Alfa Romeo the day after she passed her driving test; she traded it for a smaller car with a bigger boot when she qualified as a Dr
other than her sperm donor, no man was involved

Yes yabu. If he can afford it why not? My daughter doesn’t have a brand new car, it’s a year old and my son will get the same this year. You get what you can afford .

Sitting on the fence
My dad got me an old but safe car (a little Fiat uno!) and had some rules. No parking tickets, no speeding fines, no accidents, no nothing for a year and I had to do a pass plus and he then paid for an advanced driving course

After a year when I had done all that he surprised me with a brand new (still small engine) car

YABU to offer unsolicited criticism of his parenting and then to act confused when he didn't appreciate it.

That isn't a choice I would make for my own children or my own bank account and you're well within your rights not to make it for yours. But this has nothing to do with your children or your money, so if he didn't specifically ask for your opinion then you were out of line. You should apologize.

I think a “are you sure that will hold all the kit?” comment would be fine, but a “You can’t get her that, she’ll crash/it’s too expensive/it won’t work” comment would be unreasonable.

I’d look at a newish Volvo XC60 or 90. Lots of safety features.

I think he could suggest more practical cars for transporting sports team/kit, but it isn’t really your business.

Not your business. Bmw 1 series is small and I'm not surprised it doesn't fit their gear.

If you're not paying for it, and you don't live together, and your DP is wealthy, it doesn't affect your finances.

You sound jealous that your DP is splashing so much cash on his DD, and judgmental on your DP's parenting; not sure whether that's because you couldn't/wouldn't be able to do the same for your own DC.

That's you told!

A 19 year old should not be driving a big powerful car. I know fatal accidents can happen with any car. But a 19 year old, with a bunch of friends in a bigger car is a recipe for disaster. She's too inexperienced as a driver at that age.

I would make this suggestion too. Still a luxury car but also very safe (if the safety is what you are worried about). Though to be fair, I would rather my child drive a mid sized luxury car vs. a cheaper smaller car because of the safety.

You are judging his parenting. You are judging the decision he is making for his child.

Not sure it would be the decision I would make. But it doesn’t really concern you. You don’t share finances and it’s got zero impact on you.

Not sure why you volunteered an opinion on it to be honest. It was never going to go down well.