To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

[Liolio]

DP has a 19 year old DD, she has just finished her first year of uni at St Andrews. She is quite spoilt but we don't live together/I don't parent her, my kids are younger so I'm not experienced.
Money isn't really relevant to DP, he is from a wealthy family, his DD has a trust fund etc.
His DD is on a sports team, they play in one of the higher leges and often travel as far as Nottingham/Loughborough for fixtures. They need to take equipment etc. The way it is set up is one person can get approved to drive them all and claim millage back. The person who did it this year has now graduated so she has offered.
However she has a BMW 1 series, doesn't think it is big enough to carry all the kit. So DP has said if she decides what bigger car she wants he will get her it (separate from the rust fund!).
She is sending brand new audi's/Mercedes/BMW etc. all worth many thousands and not necessarily more practical than what she has (Think C Class/A5/3 Series).

He doesn't seem to care that it could get damaged/insurance/speed etc.

AIBU to have said this is ludicrous and she shouldn't be getting a big fancy car at 19, not because of money but safety/logic etc.

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

His money, his choice. You aren't married, there are no shared contractual considerations or obligations. You sound more concerned about perceived extravagance than the increased risk to a 19yr old driving a high powered car. I'd say that both your values are out of sync.

This is the life of the wealthy, they can afford to do something so they do it. The end.

To answer your question of "Just Why?". Surely the answer is "Because he can"

He has the money to do this, so why wouldn't he? What would you rather he do with it, have it sit in a bank account earning him even more interest. At least if he's spending it then it trickles down into the economy. I'd much rather the rich were pissing away their fortunes than hoarding it like a dragon.

If you're unhappy with the way he's earnt his money, then the only thing you can do about it is leave him, there's no point complaining about how he's choosing to spend it.

I didn’t know my husband came from wealth when we met. He was working in a coffee shop and I moaned that I would have to change my English degree to accounting or something to make money. After people stopped laughing at me they explained basic facts so that was fine. It’s a bit of a learning curve but to be honest? I lost a lot of friends. Very much like you. You could see the hate in their eyes. It hurts but there’s absolutely no getting away from it. You’ll have to break up you can’t expose his daughter to you. And I don’t go around with designer anything or cars but people know the businesses so that’s that.

But you are cruel. The same way anyone who thought I wouldn’t love them anymore was cruel.

You do sound jealous. If we can afford it we will help our two to get cars when they start driving - unfortunately for them nothing as grand as what she is being offered. I would rather my children had relatively new cars for the safety features though.

As long as he can afford it, it’s up to him.

I completely agree. My objection wouldn’t be regarding the price of the car but because 19 year olds shouldn’t be driving big, powerful cars like that.

I drive a small hatchback, my husband’s car is a big SUV. I am religious about not going over 30 in residential areas but I have to make much more of a conscious effort to drive under the speed limit in my husband’s car compared to when I drive mine. I personally feel that the temptation to speed in these big cars is much higher than smaller cars. I don’t know exactly why that is but I feel I’m not alone in this- whenever I see cars driving at speed down a particular street near my home, they are almost always big SUVs.

I completely agree. My objection wouldn’t be regarding the price of the car but because 19 year olds shouldn’t be driving big, powerful cars like that.

Just as well that a C200 is neither big nor powerful then I suppose.

I drive a big SUV and find the opposite. It’s so heavy it doesn’t get away from you, it takes time for the speed to catch up with its bulk if that makes sense, and it’s much easier to keep to the speed limit than a medium size hatchback we have as that zips away from on the slightest touch. The kids all found this when learning to drive as well, they all learnt on big heavy SUV’s and once in a blue moon if none were available they would use DH’s who has always had a small/mid hatchback. They considered/consider the hatchback like a rally car that goes zoom, as opposed to one where you have to make an effort to get it to speed.

If the little light cars are going at a wicked speed and the brakes get jammed on, they can go airborne as well as their back ends can lift, whereas a really big heavy car won’t, but obviously has more momentum along the ground and is slower to stop, but preferable to leaving the ground imo.

It's not your money, so what?

Appreciate I'll be judged... but my Range Rover Sport may have been a heavy SUV but did 0-60 in something like 5 seconds which was quicker than some sports cars.

I never had an accident in it but I once pulled out into a tight space, the car kind of fishtailed and I ended up on the bank. It was a deserted rural area before I'm accused of risking pedestrian safety. So yes, those type of cars are quite possibly too powerful for an inexperienced younger driver.

None of your business!

This has nothing to do with cars and more to do with the fact that you can’t get your head around his wealth.

Some people have so much money that buying things like brand new cars doesn’t really matter. I went to uni with a guy who was given a brand new navy Ferrari for his 21st. Also, it is not uncommon for parents to buy flats in their kids uni towns rather than rent. It’s actually not a bad idea if you have the cash.

It sounds as though the 2 of you are not compatible as you have a chip on your shoulder about his wealth.

The only thing that is unreasonable is her awful choice in cars. BMW, merc, and Audi are so chavvy, they’re the new fiat 500s! 😂 By all means he should get her a car but one with a bit less boy/girl racer vibes.

i agree but there’s always posts telling step mums to treat kids like their own/take them on every holiday etc but then told to not have an opinion

You don’t live together it’s HIS money it’s not like he’s paying for it out of a joint account and it’s not like it’s going to effect the household because you aren’t under one roof.

OP isn't a step mom to this young woman or anything close.

Oh I’ve read it wrong

You just sound very jelous OP.

Evidently wealthy, so what? What do you want him to do, apologise for being wealthy? He inherited it, but all parents want to do better and provide for their kids don’t they? Are you not assisting yours in anyway at all (even in a much smaller way?). Will you not help them financially when they may wish to go to Uni or move out? His is simply in a much grander scale.

You say you’re questioning your relationship and didn’t know about his wealth - clearly he doesn’t brag about it. Why are you questioning it because he’s wealthy? I would be questioning it if I was him too, because your behaviour and reactions and views are really off putting.

He will be seeing the 4 bed flat as a future investment too, not simply just for use by them now. Maybe he’s also wealthy as he looks at the bigger picture and makes more sensible longer term financial decisions too, not simply emotive ones.

If money is no object then there really is no problem. Maybe try and show some support by saying is the chosen car any bigger than the current one ? Are there other options to look into.
not your kid or responsibility so rather than be jealous show your support and wish her luck

Not your money. Not your child. Not your business.

You sound almost jealous of his daughter. It sounds like, that in this instance, the class divide between you and your partner doesn’t really work. You should never tell someone how and what to spend their money on. If this was the other way round, and your partner was saying all this to you, then they’d be uproar. I honestly can’t imagine feeling so bitter about someone’s success that id want to reevaluate the relationship. You should do him a favour and let him move on!

But at least she hasn't chosen an SUV... they have an even worse image. For maximum chavness an Mercedes AMG Line SUV, in black 😂

Lol at comparative chavviness being debated. Old and new money alike drive whatever cars they want to (can’t say I’ve seen either shy away from BMW and Mercedes). It’s generally the lower middles classes that are afflicted with both class anxiety and set ideas of what ‘class’ does or doesn’t do (it rarely reflects the actual reality).

My daughter was in a similar situation at Uni, she played hockey. We did upgrade her car, but to one that was 6 years old. It’s probably going to be parked on the street, have loads of muddy friends and muddy kit in it and it won’t get cleaned, or any attention other than getting fuel put in. I wouldn’t go new but do understand why she may need something bigger.
In all honesty whatever the financial situation it does not make sense to buy a car that really expensive when you know it’s not going to be cared for

Not something I would do but she’s his daughter, not yours and he can afford it, so why not 🤷‍♀️