To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

[Liolio]

DP has a 19 year old DD, she has just finished her first year of uni at St Andrews. She is quite spoilt but we don't live together/I don't parent her, my kids are younger so I'm not experienced.
Money isn't really relevant to DP, he is from a wealthy family, his DD has a trust fund etc.
His DD is on a sports team, they play in one of the higher leges and often travel as far as Nottingham/Loughborough for fixtures. They need to take equipment etc. The way it is set up is one person can get approved to drive them all and claim millage back. The person who did it this year has now graduated so she has offered.
However she has a BMW 1 series, doesn't think it is big enough to carry all the kit. So DP has said if she decides what bigger car she wants he will get her it (separate from the rust fund!).
She is sending brand new audi's/Mercedes/BMW etc. all worth many thousands and not necessarily more practical than what she has (Think C Class/A5/3 Series).

He doesn't seem to care that it could get damaged/insurance/speed etc.

AIBU to have said this is ludicrous and she shouldn't be getting a big fancy car at 19, not because of money but safety/logic etc.

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

You need to keep your nose out. She’s not your child.

From a safety point of view, as long as she’s sensible, it’s fine.

Well a brand new car is the safest probably as no unknowns. Previous crash damage etc.
I don’t see the safety argument.

Is she the type to speed and take risks and show off to her mates?

I would dearly love to be able to give any of my DC (or myself!) a smart new car. Sounds like depreciation etc isn’t something they have to worry about so YABU.

I would rather my child drive a new car or newish with all the newer safety features.

I would get her an electric though if buying new today. Way better. A Volvo, vw id4, or similar

Expensive cars are generally far safer than the likes of the cheap tin box o have to drive due to funds. Also will be far more reliable than an old banger. It's scary being broken down on the hard shoulder of a motorway .If money isn't an issue I don't see what the issue is. It's enabling not just her but her team to get safely to their venue with all their kit!

My only issue would be the model of car for carrying lots of kit. SUV? Not practical for space. Excellent estate? Yes.

If she’s only sending SUVs across to look at I’d question if she is wanting a car for sports or just to look good.

I teach people to drive. Accidents are pretty common in the first 250 hours of driving, so the question is what would you rather they had an accident in? Newer cars have a vast array of safety systems, I know what I’d choose if I had the money. Your kids are precious cargo.

My son wants to work for BMW and if he does he’ll have access to a very cheap new BMW. I’ll be pleased about that, they’re strong cars.

^ This.
Everyone referring to her as a child, then this child is given a powerful car. What a good idea…

It’s up to him though, unless he’s asking you to contribute. If she’s already got a BMW then she’s already driving a powerful car.

I’d go Volvo too, wouldn’t touch BMW. She’s not thinking practicality, just flashy.

I bought mine new cars, I can afford it and wanted them to be reliable. Don't care if people like you judge them.

🙄

My son is 20 and has driven all over the UK. He’s sensible with a sensible group of friends. To assume everyone at that age has no experience and shows off with their friends is ridiculous.

OP needs to keep out and trust her partners judgement to parent.

They’re referring to her as a child, as in, she is OPs partners child. How else should they describe her?

Unless the BMW was second hand surely the “brand new expensive car” horse has already bolted anyway?

If that was her first car then he’s not likely to be buying her a 10 year old mum wagon for her second one.

And if she’s going to be doing St Andrews to Nottingham and Loughborough type distances on a regular basis then a reliable new car makes sense.

YABU - you are judging his parenting and to be honest the whole thing doesn’t really have anything to do with you if, like you said, you don’t parent her.

Newer cars have more safety features as well so surely the at would be better for her to drive long distances?

his money, his choice. I wouldn't say anything (but do agree, it's ridiculous - but then I am from the other end of the wealth spectrum). I would stay out.

YABVVU.
It's none of your business what DP does with his money or his daughter. You probably don't even realise that students at St Andrews have been known to turn up in brand new Mercs and with their boats as well, so she won't even stand out!

Merc/Audi/BMW all have executive and luxury ranges and there's a world of difference between the two. The C class is not a luxury model and with regards to power, it also comes in various engine sizes. Pricewise, unless you add lots of extras, these cars are not significantly more expensive than other more popular brands.

While those are very sensible and worthy choices can you honestly say, as a 19 year old, that a school run SUV is really what you’d want? The Mercedes C class, Audi A5 and BMW 3 series are all far larger than her 1 series and so much more practical.

A new one will be far safer than one even a few years old, as driver assistance tech as moved on a lot, and if I had a 19 year old daughter who was regularly driving hundreds of miles from Scotland all over the country and to England I’d want her in the best car for the job. Sure, a mini SUV might be more practical, but who’s want be see in one of those at 19 either 😂

All three of those brands are now mass market so I don’t see why the brand matters to the OP either, and the cost is all relative. At most they’ll be 20% or so more than a school run type of car. Which isn’t really worth getting worked up about - they are hardly Ferrari levels of cost or performance. I’d imagine the performance is pretty similar to a one series.

The BMW 1 series range started with a 100bhp 114i until recently, which is hardly powerful. So it’s not necessarily the case that her current car, or any of the three cars mentioned in the OPs post, are particularly powerful. And I don’t think anyone would call a 3 series or C class flashy. Yes, a Volvo is a very sensible choice, but at 19 would you have chosen one…?

I don’t understand why people are offering car suggestions to OP.

It’s not her money.
It’s not her child.
It’s not her decision.
She hasn’t been asked for her opinion, and offering it unsolicited was clearly unwelcome.

OP doesn’t need suggestions for makes and models because her only role in this is to keep her nose out of it. Her boyfriend’s money is not hers to spend.

From a wealthy background so that influences me but she is in college, playing sport so doing well it looks like. He can afford it, it makes her life work better, why not? That's what money is for? Not to sit in a bank for no reason.

She is his child. That doesn’t mean she is an actual child.

I am 43 and also my Fathers child.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable OP. No 19 year old 'needs' a brand new audi or bmw.
I am 55 years old and I have never had a brand new car. How are people meant to learn the value of things if stuff is just handed to them on a plate?

I would look at a skoda kodiaq btw. Reliable, roomy, and not too flashy.

This. It's not your concern, in surprised you're buttubg in with your opinion. Maybe you should ask him to buy you a car?

I'd probably suggest a larger car that didn't have one of the fancier badges, so something less expensive to maintain eg Kia or VW rather than BMW or Merc. From a practical standpoint, insurance and maintenance. Other than that it's really up to them !

None of your business.
You’re grasping at straws on “safety” too. I’m sure whatever brand new car they choose will have more safety features than my 10yo Focus 🤷🏻‍♀️

Enough cars in the sports team makes a huge difference. I travelled all over the country playing sport for the university and I do appreciated the parents of my team mates who had bought them cars (I didn't learn to drive till later).

My son's at Durham and they put on coaches for uni sports fixtures. Not many people choose to drive as I gather a lot of fun (if you want to call it that...) is had on the coach.

Well, you are judging his parenting, but not necessarily wrongly.

She needs something like a Range Rover as a PP suggested. She can fit in some of her team mates as well then as well as the equipment.