To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

[Liolio]

DP has a 19 year old DD, she has just finished her first year of uni at St Andrews. She is quite spoilt but we don't live together/I don't parent her, my kids are younger so I'm not experienced.
Money isn't really relevant to DP, he is from a wealthy family, his DD has a trust fund etc.
His DD is on a sports team, they play in one of the higher leges and often travel as far as Nottingham/Loughborough for fixtures. They need to take equipment etc. The way it is set up is one person can get approved to drive them all and claim millage back. The person who did it this year has now graduated so she has offered.
However she has a BMW 1 series, doesn't think it is big enough to carry all the kit. So DP has said if she decides what bigger car she wants he will get her it (separate from the rust fund!).
She is sending brand new audi's/Mercedes/BMW etc. all worth many thousands and not necessarily more practical than what she has (Think C Class/A5/3 Series).

He doesn't seem to care that it could get damaged/insurance/speed etc.

AIBU to have said this is ludicrous and she shouldn't be getting a big fancy car at 19, not because of money but safety/logic etc.

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

She will never have that though, she is studying frankly a dead end degree, will have a property in London handed to her on graduation, has a lovel juicy trust fund. She won't have to work for anything.

Do him a favour and break up with him so he can find someone who isn't judging him for his parents, his income and his parenting.

Ha ha ha.
I know it's hard to credit, but some of us don't have trust funds.

It's not that one source is "better", but one is an accident of birth and therefore purely luck based.
Anything DH and I have, we have achieved ourselves. We didn't start off with trust funds or deposits gifted or cars handed over. That doesn't make us better, but it does mean that we understand that money isn't everything, and a decent 20k car is just as good as a 60k car, just not as new and not as "desirable".

My personal view is that it's obscene handing a 19 year old 40k worth of branding because she wants it over and above the 20k that is needed for the requirements and the safety of her mission. That 40k could pay for a teacher for a year, or 2 care workers in an old people's home, or 2 nursery nurses in a surestart centre, and make a great deal more difference in the world. But it's not my money. I just don't think it's good for such young kids to set such store by labels.

"She will never have that though, she is studying frankly a dead end degree, will have a property in London handed to her on graduation, has a lovel juicy trust fund. She won't have to work for anything."

Lucky for some! And I hope she enjoys it, you never know what's round the corner after all.

You definitely need to leave this relationship. You clearly disapprove massively of him and his lifestyle and his daughter. this is not going to go well.

What happens when you start meeting his extended family and friends from this world? Are you going to be sitting there with a chip on your shoulder and rolling your eyes?

It's not the new car as sometimes a lease is cheaper than buying for instance through salary sacrifice. What I'm concerned is whether he's checked it can be insured! Going back a while but Jeremy clarkson was ranting couldn't get insurance for the type of car he wanted to buy his daughter which he wanted due to good safety ratings etc because the engine was bigger. Think it was this kind of car.

It makes me very uncomfortable when people bang on about safety features in cars, the most important safety feature in a car is the driver.

You can think however you like, but as soon as you express those views you are judging his parenting.
On another note, the details you have given make this young woman very identifiable.

Yeah this relationship isn't going to work your resentment of this young woman Is eating you up you are going to end up bitter and miserable about her,

All the arguments about safety features are reasonable but they apply to a 12 or 18m car too.

A key reason people buy a brand new off the showcourt car is the prestige of owning from new - its why a pre reg car sells at a hefty discount.

I wouldn't buy a premium marque for myself let alone a teen. Everyone i know who has a range rover has had so many repair bills, they are simply expensive to run versus something like a kia or japanese brand and again you are paying for prestige.

Its the prestige element i find mad, i can see buying a good condition 1-2 year old car vs a banger, but not a brand new luxury marque car.

What do you want from this thread?

You are using quite emotional words and lots of exclamation marks, so it is either a wind up or something you deeply care about.

Yes, he lives very affluent lifestyle. Do you expect him to change?
Do you want to just vent to process the shock that he is so far away from normal?
Does this relevelation change whether you consider him to be a good person?

I don't know actually that is a good point.

I guess I didn't realise the extent of his wealth and lately it has been coming up a lot. Fully renovating a uni flat for example to a relatively high spec - just why? Oh 50k on a car and 7k insurance no problem! It is crazy to me and I suppose I'm venting.

You know there are different engine options in a 3 series, right? An M3 is quick, a 318i not so much.

This is not really about the car, your further posts show your attitudes to wealth, you clearly resent his family wealth and use of it and because of this you are not compatible.

You have no right to comment on how he spends money earned by his family / himself.

A 1.8 litre 1 series is in now way shape or form a “sports car”. It’s neither quick nor especially powerful, not to mention that the article states the driver was travelling within the 60mph speed limit. An inexperienced driver had a crash, it happens. If he’d been driving an M140i and lost control at 120mph you’d have a point.

Why not though ? If I had lots of money I probably would have renovated flats for my children when they were at university as it was they went local(ish) and lived at home.

Because he wants to? Because he can? And there's nothing wrong with that

You ask why, but why not? He can easily afford, so why wouldn’t he do it if that’s what he wants to do? Does he win a prize by not doing it? A proverbial pat on the back or something?

Yes, he can spend that no problem. It may be alien to you, but that’s his normal. Your normal reflects your reality, but it isn’t inherently superior to his.

You are trying to validate your hang ups as a moral failing on his part. They’re not. You are the one with the problem here, not him.

I do believe in the value of saving for things.

However in buying a car for my DC I want a safe one that won't constantly break downn and/or require lots of maintenance. So new is fine.

As for speeding etc? Up to the driver

Does he know you dislike him so much?

His money, his choice. You can cause an accident in any old shit car. At least a new one will have good safety features.

guess I didn't realise the extent of his wealth and lately it has been coming up a lot. Fully renovating a uni flat for example to a relatively high spec - just why? Oh 50k on a car and 7k insurance no problem! It is crazy to me and I suppose I'm venting.

It's all relative though. SIL bought a new car (just a bog standard, middle of the range, 2 year old car) a couple of years ago. exBIL went into a complete meltdown. Apparently she was "showing off" and "just trying to keep up with the neighbours" and she didn't "need" this car etc etc etc. Similar situation when she moved house and the new place is really quite nice. And I just keep thinking, "so what's acceptable? if she drives a car that's 5 years old? Or lives in a home that's a bit dark and manky?"

You don't like that he spends money like this. You think it's unnecessary. You come across as very judgemental. Sorry, but I agree with other posters, this probalby isn't a good long term relationship for you.

Oh OP, wait till she gets married. In fact, I'd suspect 50k to be thrown just at the engagement party. Wedding will be 250k plus.
You either have to accept it or you split from him. It's truly not your business what he spends on his child if you're not married and pooling finances. Some people just have finances easier than others. It doesn't mean she will never know heartache or trauma. Money is just one part of life. She may never know what it's like to have none. Is that a bad thing?

If he made his part of the money in properties then he’s probably nowhere near as stupid as you think with this one.

Lots of wealthy people buy places for their children to live at uni and then make a bit of profit when selling it on that negates any costs. Makes more sense for those that can afford it than spending money on rent.

In St Andrews he’ll likely have no troubles selling it on, or renting it out, in future.

If I was regularly driving all over the UK I'd want a nice big comfortable car as well.

I do appreciate your point about spoiling her, but it could be seen as rewarding her for offering to drive her teammates all over the place.

Also the 3 series, C class, A5 etc will be available with the same/similar engine that's probably in her 1 series anyway, so they'd technically be slower as they're dragging a bigger car along