To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

[Liolio]

DP has a 19 year old DD, she has just finished her first year of uni at St Andrews. She is quite spoilt but we don't live together/I don't parent her, my kids are younger so I'm not experienced.
Money isn't really relevant to DP, he is from a wealthy family, his DD has a trust fund etc.
His DD is on a sports team, they play in one of the higher leges and often travel as far as Nottingham/Loughborough for fixtures. They need to take equipment etc. The way it is set up is one person can get approved to drive them all and claim millage back. The person who did it this year has now graduated so she has offered.
However she has a BMW 1 series, doesn't think it is big enough to carry all the kit. So DP has said if she decides what bigger car she wants he will get her it (separate from the rust fund!).
She is sending brand new audi's/Mercedes/BMW etc. all worth many thousands and not necessarily more practical than what she has (Think C Class/A5/3 Series).

He doesn't seem to care that it could get damaged/insurance/speed etc.

AIBU to have said this is ludicrous and she shouldn't be getting a big fancy car at 19, not because of money but safety/logic etc.

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

She will be safer in a new and sturdy well built car with new tech than a baked bean tin and just as capable of speeding too. I came from a deprived background and worked my butt off saved like mad to get a new audi when I was 21

We’d have bought dd a new car too if we were stinking rich 🤣 I’m sure most people would.

He needs to check he can insure her on the car in the first place. Some bigger cars it's simply a "no" to younger drivers.
If he wants to pay £7k to insure her that's up to him. A fool and their money etc.

Why is he a fool for buying his daughter a car she wants and he can easily afford? Why should someone who can easily afford it but something older and unwanted just for 'appearances'. It's no different to someone buying a focus if that's what they can afford

It’s really none of your business what he buys his daughter. Sounds like you are a bit jealous of her.

Possibly missing the point here, but don’t think it’ll be easy keeping a car as a student in St Andrews - very limited parking!!

But you are judging his parenting and his decision making.
It's up to him how he spends his money in his child, so long as nine of that money is yours or from your joint income.

I agree with this. Nothing wrong with spending money on your kids, but on the other hand I'm not sure it's really doing her a favour to just have everything handed over.
I've never been gifted a car because my parents couldn't afford it, I always worked hard to buy a second hand vehicle myself. While I would have loved someone to just give me one, honestly I think I appreciated it more this way.

Surely for a team sport he would be better getting a minibus. I know you can't drive one until you are 21 but it could be insured for everyone on the team who is old enough to drive so they can share the driving.

It probably depends on the sport. I was at Oxford and we definitely didn't get coaches when I was there, I don't know about other sports teams. We would have only half filled a coach!

And it sounds like it's not the case for the DD in this scenario either

It is ludicrous but you are also judging his parenting

You shouldn't really get involved

He can afford it she has always lived a privileged life why would she have a car that doesn't fit her lifestyle?

Being at St Andrews will probably have skewed her views - there's a small elite who have hop of the range everything and I think that attitude filters down to a degree. (I'm from the town)

Could you maybe point out that an estate will be better for carrying equipment? Talk about reliability- how they don't want to miss a competition because of a breakdown - and steer her towards middle market estates (VW and the like)

The newer cars will probably be more fuel efficient and have better safety features anyway.

It is Tennis only between 4 and 6 can be on the team and they pretty much exclusively send 4 (4 singles, 2 doubles matches). So a coach would be pointless. The issue at hand is fitting 4x racket bags + everything else a group of girls deem necessary!

I think technically she would naturally fall under the elite rather than her being one of the people it trickles too!

I wouldn’t take kindly to anyone making comment on the things I buy my dc.

This reminds me very much of a a situation with dh’s friend. His (much younger) new partner fell out with him as he was going to buy his dd a Moncler coat for her birthday. She said that it was too much to spend on a 16 year old. He came over as he was questioning himself and didn’t know what to do. Dh told him in no uncertain terms that she hadn’t objected to him spending similar amounts of money on her (true). He also said that as it isn’t actually her money, it’s none of her bloody business. Respectfully op I would say the same to you.

Don't get me started on this, he has also bought and renovated a 4 bed flat, for his DD and friends to live in for the coming 3 years! Has a parking space though so that is helpful!

It’s not really your business though is it.

I’m not sure how a Volvo XC90 is in anyway less expensive than a 3 Series.

If he can afford it then it’s really up to him

Not sure the disparaging comments about everything else a group of girls deem necessary is kind either. They’ll be travelling for a few days, kit bags and overnight bags fir four girls is a lot of stuff.

@Liolio do I detect jealousy?

I guess what ruffled my feather is the "I need a bigger car for sports" then sends cars which aren't actually all that big or practical. Her favourite is the C Class which when kitted out can be like £60,000 - but does it even hold everything? Or is it just for looks!

That generally makes sound economic sense in St Andrews rather than renting for 4 years…there’s a massive shortage of student lets in St Andrews with a lot of students spilling over to Dundee

I'm all for graduated driving licenses where she she could get the most expensive A class but no way a powerful 3 Series M sport.

The boot on a C class is huge-I speak from experience

It's actually non of your business what he spends his money on she goes to St Andrews there will be many kids like her with money and cars and trust funds that is why she's there isn't it ? So I don't think you can roll your eyes when your wealthy partner spends money on his child.

You obviously have different priorities in life you need to let this go he's not going to stop supporting her in the life he's given her to teach her some life lesson.

Sounds like the main issue is the impractical choice of car. I'd get the safest thing on the market if money was no object. For luggage space and comfort a Volvo/Skoda/Toyota/Lexus would be ideal. Have a look at a Lexus LM. Practical and luxurious!