To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

[Liolio]

DP has a 19 year old DD, she has just finished her first year of uni at St Andrews. She is quite spoilt but we don't live together/I don't parent her, my kids are younger so I'm not experienced.
Money isn't really relevant to DP, he is from a wealthy family, his DD has a trust fund etc.
His DD is on a sports team, they play in one of the higher leges and often travel as far as Nottingham/Loughborough for fixtures. They need to take equipment etc. The way it is set up is one person can get approved to drive them all and claim millage back. The person who did it this year has now graduated so she has offered.
However she has a BMW 1 series, doesn't think it is big enough to carry all the kit. So DP has said if she decides what bigger car she wants he will get her it (separate from the rust fund!).
She is sending brand new audi's/Mercedes/BMW etc. all worth many thousands and not necessarily more practical than what she has (Think C Class/A5/3 Series).

He doesn't seem to care that it could get damaged/insurance/speed etc.

AIBU to have said this is ludicrous and she shouldn't be getting a big fancy car at 19, not because of money but safety/logic etc.

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

He has plenty of money, as does she. Her life is not going to be the same as the vast bulk of the population. And in HER circles, this is normal. Some 5 year old Skoda with a huge boot would make her stand out far more.

This isn't true. My son's at Durham, as I mentioned, which is fairly high on the rich student front and he said he's never seen a student have a car like that. His friend's parents have multiple properties, including a ski chalet in the Alps and he shares a VW Polo with his brother.

The judgement is more likely to be that it's considered a bit tacky to have an expensive car. I work with aristo colleagues and they drive very average cars, including old Passats. Same when I worked in investment banking, my managing director drove a car with moss growing out of the roof. These may not be entirely normal choices but she really won't stand out if she doesn't have a brand new luxury SUV.

You sound jealous. It's nothing to do with you.

The judgement is more likely to be that it's considered a bit tacky to have an expensive car. I work with aristo colleagues and they drive very average cars, including old Passats. Same when I worked in investment banking, my managing director drove a car with moss growing out of the roof. These may not be entirely normal choices but she really won't stand out if she doesn't have a brand new luxury SUV.

The managing directors I worked with did not drive cars with moss growing out the roof. They all had sports cars. Their wives drove range rovers or similar.

The fact that she is asking for this car makes it pretty clear that she is NOT concerned it will make her look like an idiot. so in her circles, it clearly is normal.

"I’d advocate not learning to drive until after uni if you have to at all. There’s always hope we can bring down car use and the need for car travel. The best way would be better infrastructure and improved public transport but every little helps."

You want her and her teammates to do return journeys on public transport to Loughborough from St Andrews with all their kit?

So? He’s in a position where neither the nor his daughter have to struggle. Good for them.

Personally I’ve never differentiated between money I’ve earned and money from my trust fund (and what if, through investment and financial planning, you’ve not only maintained the trust fund, but grown it? Is that not an achievement?) and considered one source better than the other.

"Same when I worked in investment banking, my managing director drove a car with moss growing out of the roof."

Yeah. All the investment bankers I know have to run with the car like Fred flintstone.

My DH is of the same ilk as your DP.
DC's were given almost new cars after passing tests, upgraded after a year ( e.g Polo to A4 ).
Main reason was a close relative of DH died age 17 many years ago in a road accident, as a passenger.
The family never got over it.
Newer cars have more safety features, bigger cars have more of a crumple zone. Imagine being in an accident in a Fiat 500 vs an X3 e.g. You want bigger not smaller for that reason alone.
Initially I also thought DC's were being spoilt, they both had several accidents too , inc a couple of write offs.
Young, driving too fast etc. Not condoning it, they learned lesson as their insurance is now sky high and eats into their earnings. The ( big/new ) cars prevented injuries for sure, 100 %.
So
whilst it is
"spoiling " them, it was best for safety and we wanted to buy the best safety possible.

😂

Yes, everyone knows that the classy rich people fetishize poverty.

If a boyfriend told me what car I should or shouldn’t be buying my DC they would be given short shrift.

It really isn’t any of your business. You sound jealous of her.

And not having a driving licence is a sure fire way to restrict job options…

because you have a licence doesn’t mean you have to use it, but if you need it and don’t have one it restricts your life, but the younger you learn, the easier it is

Why is an expensive premium brand car less safe? It being a powerful model would make it a risk, but they aren't all fast. You can get powerful, fast cars across all brands.
The models you mention are saloons and have massive boot space, much bigger than SUVs which often have a smaller boot. And certainly far bigger than the 1 Series she currently drives. They sound like good choices to be honest.

Forward him this link: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8635943/amp/Judge-slams-18-year-olds-parents-crass-decision-buy-BMW-crashed-cause-friends-death.html
its a stupid decision.

the brands of cars you mentioned are known for their safety features.
its the engine size you need to be careful with with newish drivers - too powerful and they could lose control.
we were advised to get son under 120 horse power and better for insurance but he is getting a manual might be too slow for an automatic.
sorry but you do sound jealous
quite frankly I think it makes sense to get a new driver a car known for safety - if something happens they will be better protected and also potentially that of others - my rather old BMW will apply the brakes if it its certain I will hit a hazard while I am travelling at speed - and if I was sadly to hit a pedestrian the bonnet would crumple to reduce risk of injury to the pedestrian.

I'm happy for what he has achieved from hard work (He is well established in his specialty in medicine, does it because he loves it etc.)
But his "wealth" comes from his parents setting up (with their own family wealth as well!) a company, selling it in the 90s, giving the proceeds to their kids, and him deciding to invest it in rental properties. I'm not happy that his money comes from a broken market made to fuck the average person over. The amount some of his rental properties go for is sickening!

in this tragic story it wasn't the fact he was bought a BMW - it was he had been bought a BMW sports car with a 1.8 engine that is too powerful for a new driver.

Then split because that's not a healthy way to view a partner. Especially avoiding the 'why are you not happy someone you love doesn't have to struggle?'. If you feel that way, you're perfectly entitled to..... But that's not fair to him to be with him and resent him

If you find so much about him "sickening" why are you with him?

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

That's because you are. In fact, you are judging his parenting and his family.

Then do the both of you a favour and leave him? Find someone that aligns with your own principles, rather than expect him to change his because you think yours are more valid.

If I had a partner that had this view of me then I’d wonder 1, what the fuck they expected me to do with that information and 2, why they were with me. I’d also be moving on from them with a quickness tbh, I’ve got neither the patience nor inclination to entertain those hangups.

You don’t sound like you like your partner, you judge his parenting and how he’s made his money. I hope he finds out what you really think of him.

Buying my first brand new car was a great feeling. It was nearly but not quite up there with having children, getting married and my first house. Buying a new car for them would take that sense of achievement away from the DC. I bought my children a reliable older that they were mor than happy with.

Not your daughter, therefore not your place to say anything. But she sounds like a spoilt brat....I couldn't be with someone who thinks that is good parenting, for an adult children.

Yes it would comfortably hold everything, the boot size on large saloon models is massive. The only bigger boots would be on estate models. So C class does make sense.

Of course there are similar boot sizes on cheaper cars, say Peugeot 508, so it can be done for cheaper. But if he can easily afford it why not go premium.

That's all well and good but individual vehicles are needed in society mainly for work and there isn't anything wrong with that. Personally my family members couldn't do their jobs without their cars ir being able to drive, talking about a better public transport infrastructure is a privileged view.

I mean I agree with you, a second hand sensible car would be better.
However YABU to say anything because it's not your decision and you are judging his parenting.