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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my working from home to be respected

337 replies

footballinthepub · 20/06/2024 18:58

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 20/06/2024 19:00

Not your house
Go to the office
Or move out
Orgo to a work space

Valhalla17 · 20/06/2024 19:00

Can you work in your bedroom instead?

Your dad is an arse. Get out quick!

DoreenonTill8 · 20/06/2024 19:01

Can you not work from the office or your bedroom?

LettuceTruss · 20/06/2024 19:01

Get one of those rubber door wedges. Cheap as chips. Block door with it so that he can’t push it open and come in. Wear headphones so you can’t hear him shouting. My DH does the same. This works.

footgoldcycle · 20/06/2024 19:01

Sounds to me like he's bored. Is he recently retired and trying to find his place.

Ilikewinter · 20/06/2024 19:02

Whilst I appreciate its not your house you are paying rent, so therefore I would expect the right to privacy. Instead of using the office can you use your bedroom?. I would see no reason then for your dad to disturb you?.

Shinyandnew1 · 20/06/2024 19:02

He clearly doesn’t want you working from his house for whatever reason.

It’s his house, his rules, really. You need to work from the office 5 days a week or rent your own home if there’s nothing suitable to buy at the moment.

TomatoSandwiches · 20/06/2024 19:03

Just go into the works office instead?

Plantheads5 · 20/06/2024 19:03

Your father sounds like an arsehole.
He lacks basic courtesy.
You ARE living in his house.
Let this spur you on to get a house asap.
Tell him that you will do your best to leave asap.
I would be looking at renting a room somewhere.

Original poster
footballinthepub · 20/06/2024 19:04

We can't work in the office every day as there is not enough office space to do that. Also I live rurally so no shared workspaces here unfortunately.

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 20/06/2024 19:04

It's not your Dad's problem to resolve, it's his house - you need to find a solution

soupfiend · 20/06/2024 19:05

Its his house and unless there is an explicit arrangement that you have sole and exclusive use of that room during your working hours (you dont as your dad has made clear) then he is going to be able to come and go as he likes, as he should, it is his house
Go and work in the office. Or rent somewhere to work.

Fiery30 · 20/06/2024 19:05

Your dad is awful. It's not just his house, it is the family house and therefore, yours too. He obviously has no respect for you or your work and is behaving immaturely. It is time to have a honest discussion on some ground rules.

LadyFeatheringt0n · 20/06/2024 19:06

Go to the office
Work in your room
Go to a shared workspace

Ironfloor269 · 20/06/2024 19:07

What a twat of a father.

LadyFeatheringt0n · 20/06/2024 19:07

If you keep getting outbid on flats are you being realistic about what you can afford?

Look at a lower price point or commit more money to rent.

AgnesX · 20/06/2024 19:08

Your dad's being a git. What does he even to come in for?

It's time for you to find somewhere else to live sharpish or go back to the office.

Ponderingwindow · 20/06/2024 19:10

Do you have a bedroom at your parent’s house? If so, it’s time to start working in that room. Get a cheap desk if needed. There are folding models you can set up and take down if space is an issue.

Zanatdy · 20/06/2024 19:10

He’s being an idiot. He probably deliberately came in again. What can he possibly need all the time? I’d get a small desk from IKEA until you move out. I do agree that as you’ve got staff confiding in you then you do need some privacy.

therejustbarely · 20/06/2024 19:10

He sounds deliberately nasty. I'd be looking to move into a bedsit if I were you - buying a place takes months, you can't go on like this much longer, can you?

Yes, it's his house, but that doesn't give him the right to be so rude.

Scattery · 20/06/2024 19:10

Horrible attitude from your father.

You may need to relocate your working space to your bedroom temporarily because he sounds like the type of person who is going to keep bothering you for the sake of principle.

Busstopliz · 20/06/2024 19:10

Is he happy for your to be using 2 rooms, maybe you need to use your bedroom? Your dad does sound a bit unreasonable but did he actually agree to using the office

Funkyslippers · 20/06/2024 19:10

I don't think some people appreciate working from home. They don't see it as proper work!

YANBU

Testina · 20/06/2024 19:10

Just another arsehole man pissing to mark his territory and dominance.

From what you’ve described, no sensible conversation will get you anywhere - his behaviour is quite deliberate.

You say you’re rural, but is your office? Is there a workspace near the office? I know you said there’s not space for all in the office, but we’re encouraged to discuss with our manager if we need “preferential” space. As most people prefer WFH, it’s usually possible.

Good luck with the flat hunting!

ShouldIEvenBother · 20/06/2024 19:10

Sorry OP, your father sounds really quite unpleasant with regards to your situation.

You pay rent, you're actively looking for somewhere else, and you're clearly wanting to get your work done professionally. You're doing all the right things, basically! What a shame he can't be supportive of you, his daughter - you are not being unreasonable in the slightest. Anyone would think he is actually your son, and a young child at that tbh.

I hope you find somewhere soon - good luck with your flat search - definitely let this unpleasant home situation spur you on. Would you consider further afield, a bit out of the area(s) you're currently looking at, or is that not viable?