To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

No advice - but my dad once turned off the router “to save electricity” while I was halfway through a work call…..

It must be challenging, good luck finding a flat!

I can imagine how you asked your dad to stay out of the office.

How much do you contribute? I expect not enough yet you are full of how much you're entitled to occupy your parent's office.

Go have a chat with your manager about the home not being a suitable environment for your work - ask them to fund another option - it's not your parent's job to fund your lack of office accommodation.

YANBU. Your dad is being very unreasonable.

I have WFH, been self employed for 20 years and sometimes work in the office. Working at home is by far better for dealing with wellbeing or private calls.

Your dad is being territorial. Tough shit it's my house attitude is awful and unkind. He could be jeopardising your job. At the lest he is making himself look foolish.

My DC are late teens. I do not go into the office when they are studying. They have asked me not to and I treat them with the same respect I expect to be reciprocated.

I would move your office set up to your bedroom. I assume he doesn't burst into there?

WFH at least part of the time is normal for a lot of people post COVID. I understand that this can be disruptive for people at home, especially of you are working and they are not.

Good luck on your flat search, hope you find somewhere soon.

I think it’s really sad that it’s being suggested that OP might have to give up her wfh job until she has her own home.

Maybe that is the only solution as I think the Dad is deliberately coming into the room to assert some sort of dominance. However, I think that disregard for boundaries causes long-term damage to a relationship. Essentially, instead of supporting her, OP’s dad is sabotaging her first management role to prove a point.

OP is only living at home short-term. The power dynamics between parents & children shift very suddenly as parents age. Mutual respect & support when OP is a young adult would mean that her father was entitled to expect her respect & support as he ages. I’m not suggesting that family relationships are transactional - but I’m saying things even out over time.

But I agree OP needs to move out asap.

YANBU. It's only 2 days a week, short term, and he agreed to it. It's so disrespectful of him to barge in. I wfh for a time when I was a similar age, living with my parents, nearly 20 years ago when wfh wasn't much of a thing. My parents managed to understand and respect my working hours, although they were sometimes surprised I wasn't free to join them for coffee whenever they wanted. I made sure I agreed times to have coffee / lunch with them and that worked really well. Do you do that?

Your dad is clearly struggling with the lack of control over his office and perhaps regrets the agreement.

I think a lock on the door / a sign on the door / wedge under the door etc but do tell him about it and make it clear you only do it when you can't be disturbed.

It sounds v frustrating OP. Of course it's kind of your parents to allow you to stay, but it's basic bad manners to burst in on someone.

Buy a kettlebell weight and use it as a doorstop on the inside of the door. He’ll not be able to just barge the door open.

It seems your dad wants you to move out sooner rather than later.

can you not rent with friends? go yo the office every day? Work in your bedroom?

I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go.

That does not make it your house!
The entitlement on this thread. Not your house, not your office.
Work in your bedroom - he has no reason to walk in there

How long have you been back living with your parents? You say at the moment - how long has the moment lasted? I think your dad wants his house back and is impossibly a bit worried that you are not trying hard enough to move out. Want to be treated like an adult - you'll need to behave like one and prioritise getting your own place.

He is just doing it to show dominance. He is also showing you he doesn’t respect you.

Speak to your work HR if possible and say WFH is no longer suitable as you live in family accommodation. My work has the option for staff who don't have a suitable WFH space. We make a way and find them a desk full time in the office.

The next thing is you may need to suck it up until you find somewhere. It is your dad's home yes you pay rent but it's prob not the same cost as rent on a privately rent flat/ room.

It's rude of your dad yes, but as it doesn't sound like it's going to change on his part you need to make the change on yours.

Why not work from your bedroom as several people have suggested?

I have an adult DS living at home who changed jobs 12 months ago to one which means he now works from home virtually every day. I offered him the use of our 'office' room but he declined and said he'd work from his bedroom. I never disturb him when he is working. He shuts his door as he starts work and I only see him when he comes out for his lunch. I don't even hoover on the landing outside his room when he's working. If he'd chosen to use our office room I would have similarly kept out of the way. If, by chance, I'd needed something out of there whilst he was working I'd have messaged him to ask when I could pop in. No way would I have barged in.

Your DF clearly doesn't want you working from home but as you have very little choice until you move out then he needs to learn to put up with it.

Nah I’d have to move out. Widen your search area, look for shared places, shared ownership / I’d do whatever it took rather than live with an ignorant twerp like that. He has no respect for his own daughter all because it’s ’his House his rules’ 🤮

If it was my adult-aged child at home, trying to buy a house and working, I'd be supportive of their job and encourage a system to know when it's okay to come in and when not (e.g door open/closed). Of course it wouldn't be ideal but if I didn't want to live around another adult, then I shouldn't have extended the offer.

I absolutely would not be sabotaging their job.

For you OP, I'd move the desk into your bedroom and consider a lock for the door (maybe something temporary like you can buy for travelling).

She is behaving like one? It's her dad acting like a petulant child.

Op clearly says she's putting offers in on flats. What else can she actually do?

Is your mum around? Can you get her onside to get your dad back in his box?

I do hope some of the people with the 'my house, my rules' way of thinking never need to move into their childrens' houses when they are very elderly.

I can't imagine my dad ever behaving like this if I was in the same situation. I would respect that I was working in his home but equally he would understand that I was at work and would knock before entering a room. But he's not an entitled arse.

He is being an arse, I'd work from the bedroom if you can't rent somewhere for a while.

This is giving me flashbacks of living back at home for a few months in my 20s when I was buying. Before mobiles, one phone in kitchen - trying to speak to friends for maybe 10 minutes, so closing the door for privacy. My dad would always choose to come in and be busy in the kitchen, no need for it except he hated me closing the door.

And my mum walking into my bedroom each morning to get clothes from the cupboard in there, and thinking it was ok to try and go in the bathroom while I was in the bath.

Thank fuck I could move out pretty rapidly. Zero boundaries.

This in spades, I can't actually believe some of the replies on here!

@footballinthepub You say you work locally therefore there is no available workspace. I suggest ask locally - and you may well be surprised. A gentleman in our road has a business space in the next door village, he allows others to use the space for very little cost, and welcomes half the village when there is a village wide broadband outing/power cut. However you have to be in the know to know as it's not advertised space - so it is worth asking about.

And to everyone sticking the boot in about why she's living there, you don't know her circumstances so maybe a little thought before you pile on

I get your workplace might jot have enough desks but you need to raise this with them. I'm sure something could be worked out, for example asking if someone wants to volunteer to work from home for a few days to allow you the space. This is your wellbeing issue.

Yes, your dad's being a disrespectful knob, but who is more likely to shift, work or dad? You need dad for a home right now. It's either talk to work or move out now.

Completely unreasonable of your father. It's his home but it would be basic courtesy to knock and wait. I guess he still thinks of you as a child doing children's things, not a proper job.

All the people telling you to "just" move out - it's not 20 years ago when there was a good supply of affordable housing. If you were my DD I'd be proud that you're a manager and trying to save for your first flat, not undermining you!

Is OP in the bedroom when the dad bursts in?