To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

tough one, but I think he can act in his home however he wants. Work from home has encroached on people’s lives.
when I work from home I don’t begrudge the odd interruption. They happen in the office too. My partner however can get a bit annoyed if I interrupt him, but I don’t get too wound up about it.

I do think that sometimes the older generations just don’t understand the wfh concept. My daughter is flexible and can wfh when she wants. She had a couple of meetings whilst she was visiting her grandad - both with government agencies abroad - and, despite her and me both explaining to dad that she shouldn’t be disturbed, he just wandered in and out of the home office. Thankfully her meetings were with people she knew well who didn’t mind her grandad pottering around. She wasn’t pleased tho.

@footballinthepub I had a similar situation to this a long time ago. It’s depressing isn’t it. And very stressful. I don’t think he means to be annoying or disrespectful to you (I could be wrong), but I do think boredom plays into this. Yes he may be wandering in to get something from the room but it’s only because he’s got time on his hands. I am not sure what the answer is, I would probably go elsewhere to work but you shouldn’t have to and obviously you would incur expense doing that which isn’t great when you are trying to buy somewhere. I really feel for you though as I had the same thing happen with almost the same comments!

I think people who wfh often don't understand they are working from HOME and in your dds case and ops, someone else's home?
They're not coming into a work environment and pottering about. The work environment is being brought to their HOME. Did your dd pay towards using his home as her work environment, and fully explain by her being there she was expecting total control over areas of his home? Or was she just entitled and stroppy with her not 'being best pleased'?

Do you do teams calls with headphones on and your background blurred?

If you do then there should be no major issues as your dad wouldn't be able to hear what was being said, and they wouldn't be able to see anyone else in the room if your dad did pop in to grab something. At my company we work from home 3 days a week and nobody bats an eyelid if someone in the family enters the room when someone is on a call, normally just passing through.

If it's a really sensitive call (how many of those do you really have in a week?) then go into your bedroom to do it.

Yes I think your dad is being a bit of an arse about it but I can also understand his irritation at you effectively barring him from a room in his house unless he asks permission to enter. And to be honest, as much as he might be a bit of an arse, it is his house and if he's not willing to accept the conditions you want, then you need to find another solution (such as outlined above, or by going to a workspace.)

Dad is very supportive of my daughter and proud of her work. He has always had a home office/study and suggested she use it rather than the bedroom. He would be horrified if she offered to pay !
But, at the age of 95, he just really doesn’t understand the wfh concept - not does he really understand the internet and how she can simultaneously be talking to people on Georgia and Vietnam.
Entitled and stroppy? Please!

He sounds very rude. Regardless if it's your house or not, you pay rent and tbh he's just being rude and nasty to you. What an awful way of speaking to someone.

I'd set up the office in your bedroom if possible, and get one of those rubber door stops and a decent set of noise cancelling headphones until you can move out.

I would have a conversation with him when he’s calm, and you’re calm.
Just say ‘oh dad about the other day’…. Tell him you respect it’s his house and you’re just the lodger, but you do need privacy while talking to clients on the phone…. You appreciate the office is a shared space but could you both agree to knocking and waiting before entering to give each other respect and privacy…
If he’s resistant to this reasonable request then he’s just being a pig

Set up an office space (eg for use online) in your bedroom, which presumably he doesn’t need to come into for any reason.

I can understand if he needed something from the family office, but the way he’s spoken to you is upsetting.

If that doesn’t work OP and you can’t negotiate more time in the office, you’ll need to move into a temporary house share or studio flat.

People keep suggesting the OP should use her bedroom instead, but from the way she describes her father's behaviour, it sounds like he'd do exactly the same thing there as well - walk in whenever he felt like it - whether to say bye or just to make the point that it's his house and he can go into any part of it at any time.

Your dad is being an idiot.
It is his house but I have DC similar age to you and would do everything to support them and be proud of them.
Maybe he's lonely, maybe he doesn't really get WFH, lots of people don't, or maybe he's marking his territory or trying to prove a point.
Can your mum intervene?
I think a calm conversation later may help.
Of course he may sometimes want to retrieve something from the room or want to pop his head round the door to say goodbye etc
That's OK but should be try to be avoided if he can hear you are on a call.

I the meantime
Use headphones
Blur your background
Maybe put a sign on door if meeting is in progress or door stop inside door. Although I can imagine you dad getting loud and stroppy about this!
See if you can negotiate more days in the office.

Perhaps he's feeling emasculated after retirement and is marking his terriorty, trying to prove that he's more Important than you.
Hope you find your own flat soon.

The trouble is so many private landlords buy up the lower prices flats for the rentals market. I’ve had friends in this exact position being outbid by them all the time.

Could your Mum intervene and have a word with him ? I presume you are paying him rent to live in the house which in my option entitled you to some level of privacy . If not like others have said it may be you need to try and set up a desk in your bedroom although I appreciate that’s not ideal and shouldn’t really be necessary.

I would add that if his interruptions put your job at risk, then your house hunting will go on for even longer.

"He sounds very rude. Regardless if it's your house or not, you pay rent and tbh he's just being rude and nasty to you."

We don't know she pays rent as opposed has never clarified this. She says she makes a "contribution". For all we know this is her share of food shopping money

I don’t know if the OP is ever coming back but I’d would be useful to clarify a few things.

Were you rude to your dad when you asked him not to just come in? Some of your comments about your dad ‘not working’ come across as a bit snippy. Is it possible that the way you said, ‘would you mind NOT interrupting me at work-I’m a manager and doing very important and confidential sensitive things?!’ got his back up and that’s why he reacted as he did? Maybe if you’d said it in a different way, he wouldn’t have reacted this way?

How much of a ‘contribution’ are you making? Market rent plus bills is very different to £100 a week! Maybe your dad is fine to poke up with you being there, taking over his office and paying minimal rent, but you being rude to him on top, was the final straw?!

Excellent idea, I find threatening people always improves their behaviour!😆

The stroppy and entitledness came from her stating she 'was not best pleased' with him, while accepting his hospitality and using his home as her work environment.

I think you are overreacting. They're minor things, you might be the boss at work but you're not the boss of your dad!

He's popping in and being friendly, probably not up to speed with the whole wfh way of life now.

I think you're sounding a bit entitled. He's not being deliberately obstructive. Plus I wfh and there's allowances. People understand, as they too wfh with families.

He is being deliberate obstructive though isn't he?

Your dad sounds like a disrespectful idiot, OP. His behaviour reads like a power play, and while I don’t have much advice, I really sympathise

I don't think so, he's probably just not thinking or realising the importance of her job. It must be irritating for the OP, I get that. But even in offices it's rare to get a private room. Wear headphones, expect a little commotion here and there. It's life.

If the desk is yours, move it to your bedroom and work from there. If not, purchase your own desk and do the same. As others have said , if he’s still disturbing you buy a door stop.
Review what you can afford in purchasing a house and save like crazy!

Also, my DH works from home. He wears a headset for calls but I always knock and peep round the door in case he has his camera on!

I don’t agree with the statements - it’s his house, he can come and go into the office as he pleases.

I think it seems more like he doesn’t respect your job.

one thing if he’s just a bit daft but from his response it seems like he doesn’t care.

you might have to find somewhere else to work / live. Maybe he is fed up with the situation and just wants his house back, which is fair enough I guess.

She didn’t say she was not best pleased. She was a bit embarrassed. The words that she was not best pleased are mine. She wouldn’t dream of saying anything upsetting to her grandad.