To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

Another here who thinks your dad is being a twat.

I hope you manage to buy a flat soon so you're able to get out of there. Although once you're gone I predict he'll complain about losing the money you contribute.

Move out if you're unhappy. Buying or living at your parents house aren't the only two options although they appear to be in your mind.

So there is one room at the house that serves generally as an office, he has stuff there as well and uses it when he wants to do something at his computer?

I can imagine that bot being able to come and pick up some documents when I need them would be annoying, especially if there was no agreement about what working from home means.

Not saying he handles it correctly, just that the expectation of full totally undisturbed use of the potentially shared office might be unfair.

I would say while you're entitled to your own privacy in your own bedroom that doesn't leak into the house especially if he uses the office which he does as he pops in to get/use things he will consider it his office.
Work from your bedroom that's your space.
It's difficult sharing your home with adult children especially when they're home all day and taking over shared space.
My dad doesn't work anymore but the office is his mancave and if I moved myself in there and locked him out my stuff would have been on the door step.

He sounds awful, and deliberately provoking.

However, you know that. I'd be finding a room to rent in a mate's house if possible or explaining to work that I needed to be in the office full time as I had absolutely no privacy at home.

Your dad is a twat. Just wait, once you're in your own place he'll start complaining that you don't visit enough.

Is there a backstory of your dad undermining you and having no respect for your boundaries about everything else too?

I think your company should be able to give you an office if working at home is difficult. Much as I don't want that for myself, nor is it an unreasonable thing to ask someone to knock.

Your dads a twat

I wfh whilst living with parents during lockdown and you have my sympathies

There's several threads on her about parents not respecting boundaries whilst offspring wfh. If you want to read to make you feel like you aren't alone

And this is the problem with the shift to the masses working from home. Some jobs are just not suited to it, some people are not capable of it.
Your employer is at fault for not providing the office space every day.
Your dad is at fault for not respecting you.
Speak to your employer. They may not be able to accommodate everyone every day, but for specific circumstances they may be able to set aside the space for you.

How did you speak to him originally though? If you were rude then he's probably giving as good as he got.

All these people saying 'not your house not your rules' must've had right dicks as parents.

Yes, OP, you're living with your parents but supportive, kind parents would give you the space you need, or negotiate with you if they need access to that room.

Also, if they want you to move out they're going about it the wrong way. Be a bit shit if his outbursts cost you your job and you had no means to leave....

it's his house, he's being an arse for good reason. Your situation is far from ideal, but why do you get to dictate where he can go in his own house? And why should he walk in without knocking first (in his own house)?

It's got nothing to do with the fact that he's a man or that he's your dad.

It's a catch 22.

I hope you find a decent place soon so you can both live/work in peace.

In your situation I would arrange to work in the office until I had my own home.

He’s being totally unreasonable. Yeah it’s his house but he could be a lot more considerate of your working schedule. with his attitude though I don’t see him changing so maybe you could set up a desk in your room? It’s a shame to have to do so when there is an office right there in the house.

Was it mutually agreed upon that you use the office? I am also mid 20s and work from home (in my bedroom) and my parents are very respectful of my working schedule. Could your dad have the huff that you've taken over the office? Is is he a "his house his rules" kind of person and he's just asserting his control over the space?

It's his house. Work in your bedroom, the office or get own flat. I wonde if your dad wants you love out.

How much do you actually pay? Is it proper market rate including utilities etc?

Like hell would my child commandeer my office space.
Why can't you work in your own room?

It sounds as if your " office " is actually in a shared space, and whilst one would hope for some compromise from him given your situation, the reality is that is his house, and maybe it is inconvenient for him not be able access that room. I think your answer is to work from your bedroom when you are in meetings. It could be months before you find somewhere to buy, and another six months after that before you actually move, so you need to find a solution that allows you to work.

Ok it’s it’s his house but that doesn’t give him a good reason to be an arse. By that logic, OP shouldn’t help with household chores or maintenance because it’s “his house”.

Your dad sound unpleasant with his approach but unless you pay enough rent for 2 bedrooms which I’m sure you don’t, then I don’t see why you should expect exclusive use of your bedroom and another shared space (the office). I’m sure he wouldn’t just come to your bedroom
like that. You need to make your office, no matter how small in your room and lock it away. His approach is not nice and it’s unpleasant but it’s his house too and that’s a shared space. It’s like some people we see here that their DH is working from the dining room and expecting others to be quiet and tip toeing around them, you can’t expect others to be quite in a shared space.

I'd bet this isn't about you using the office and more about him not enjoying you being back at home. Maybe you hog the TV remote, maybe he thinks you leave a mess in the kitchen - whatever the reason, I'm betting he is trying to make it really uncomfortable for you so that you hurry up and move out! Lots of parents don't enjoy their children moving back in with them when they've got used to having their own space - there's often similar posts on mumsnet. I suppose if you're not happy with the arrangement then you can move out.

He sounds rude but maybe he's had enough. You can't monopolise his house into your home office. You need to find somewhere else if you need privacy, this may mean moving out. I also work from home but as this has been inflicted on me by my company, they have to expect that the house I work in is small and also my DH's and DC's home. And they do.

I’d recommend working from your bedroom if there are things in this office room that your dad also needs. I worked from home in my parents house we bought our house and my sister still lives with our parents and works from home. We had a pretty clear set up there in that we could work downstairs in the spare “office” room but that was on the understanding that we didn’t have monopoly of that room and so if anybody did need to pop in throughout the day for whatever reason then they could do that, if we absolutely needed not to be disturbed then we worked from our bedrooms. Obviously not ideal but when it’s not your house you can’t dictate.