To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

There wasn't. I was giving advice to avoid future boundary crossing scenarios. Many people give their parents or family members a set of keys and soon regret it.

You'll get lots of "his house, his rules" responses but I don't know anyone who would treat their adult child like this. Most of us want our adult children to do well and thrive. It's not hard to work around someone needing an uninterrupted space if you actually have any respect for what they are doing. Your dad is childish, spiteful and weird.

I’m in two minds on this - Your DF has been rude and inconsiderate. But you taking over the office for your work could also be seen that way if it was done without discussion. People working from home is an inconvenience for the rest of the household during that work time, especially if the space they are using is a shared space. When you were offered the WFH position, did you discuss with your parents that you would need more of their house to yourself more of the time and come to an agreement about what that would look like? It sounds like you fell into the routine of working from home before your DF retired and now he has the costs of you doing so have manifest and he doesn’t like it?

His approach to the issue seems pretty childish so I wonder if he’s normally prone to being an ass when he wants his own, is really struggling with retirement (very common), or if you’ve long passed your welcome living at home anyway and he thinks you should have moved out quite some time ago?

Can you lock the door when on calls?

It wasn't an office, it was used for storage, her dad built her desk so she could use it as an office

Your dad is a horrible selfish man. However I think your best bet is to find somewhere else to live fast, as I don't think you will change him.

Wfh is really disruptive to anyone else in the household. I wfh which is usually fine as nobody else is home but ds has just finished his A levels and dd will be back from uni soon so I will be trying to organise more office days over the summer.
Talk to him about when you can’t be disturbed and when it’s ok for him to come in, ask how he suggests managing it.

Put the desk in your bedroom.

I agree with your Dad that if you work from home you can't expect people to not interact with you in some ways sometimes and if this is a big problem for you you should go work in an appropriate work space. I think this idea that our homes have to become someone's work space and we just have to tip toe around them working such nonsense and one of the worst things to come out of the pandemic.

I really don't get this if you're just in a room in the house? I just tell my child and husband not to come in but they can use the rest of the house perfectly fine?

It sounds like he resents you being there all day. If I had an adult lodger, I’d stipulate that they couldn’t work from home except in emergencies. It just alters the dynamic somehow and I’d want my house to feel like a home rather than a workplace. Things have changed now so everyone is at home more - I wouldn’t mind my SC living with me until they were much older but I would expect the to spend most of their time out with friends or at work, it would get a bit much otherwise. Could you try to speak to your dad to get a compromise? He probably isn’t aware of newer working practices.

There's a massive difference between "tiptoeing" round someone, and bursting in several times for no apparent reason. Nobody "tiptoes" round me when I wfh, equally they don't burst into the room because why on earth would they?

Why don't you just go to work? Seems simpler all round!

I hear ya! I worked from my parents for a few days when lockdown restrictions were first lifted (we live several hours apart so it was a way to visit without having to take too much leave) and I had to tell them a number of times that working from home actually means I’m working and if the dining room (rarely used) door is shut, please don’t come barging in! But that was only a few days, if you can’t really expect them to tiptoe around their own home longer term.

It being used for storage by her parents rather than an office doesn’t change anything about the disruption to others of OP having that space to herself some of the time. That her DF set her desk up there makes it sound like he was fully onboard with her use of the space, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that. OP doesn’t say they discussed her working from home or what that would mean for the household, which was why I asked if she had.

The "wise up" should tell you all you need to know. He doesn't want you there.

He sounds very disrespectful of you and your work. I can imagine a parent forgetting you are in the middle of working and popping their head around the door to say goodbye or offer a cup of tea because they are at home and in home mode. But he sounds like he is purposefully being aggressive and difficult.

I don't think it would work with your father but when I'm wfh, I let whoever is in the house know when I'm going to be on a call or in a meeting so I'm not disturbed. Otherwise, I don't mind someone bringing me a cup of tea, saying a quick hi.

Good luck with the flat hunting!

Some men have a red neck inbred inability to respect any woman working.
Repeatedly interrupting when they work from home.
I doubt this arsehole behaviour is in isolation.
What sort of a twat would make wfh more difficult for his child?
A misogynistic arsehole that's who.

Oh and they are surprised when they don't see their children for dust when they do leave.

I think it's high time everyone went back to the office now, Covid had a lot to answer for!

Create a place to work from in your bedroom and leave him to have the "office he never used and only goes in to disturb your work" all to himself.

Most employers allow staff with difficult home circumstances to work in the office. You could discuss this with your LM.

Umm, she is? She literally describes her flat hunting process. And how is wanting to observe confidentiality rules in her job not acting like an adult? 🤷‍♀️

Yes it's her dad's house, but OP is contributing financially and he isn't behaving very reasonably, this is his daughter when all's said and done.

Doesn't really matter anyway, he's still an arsehole for bursting into the room when she's working. I can't imagine anyone I live with doing this, and her dad's reaction to her asking him not to tells me exactly what kind if man he is. The sooner OP gets out of there the better, for her

Oh right, I'll tell DH's company to overhaul their business model and he can commute between Indonesia and Mexico, then 🙄

Remote working has always been a thing, and it can be very effective (if you're not thick and fixated on presenteeism).

he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house".

Would your dad have said that you were actually quite rude in the way you spoke to him here and that was what got his back up?

’Dad, I know it’s probably a pain having me working from home in your house but would it be possible that you don’t just come in when I’m wfh as I have to take personal video calls-sorry if that sounds really bossy!’

‘Would you mind NOT coming into my office when I’m working! I’m a manager now and have VERY important things to do (which you wouldn’t understand, seeing as you don’t work!)’

We don’t know, we weren’t there. I think something needs to change though. Either you rent someone else or speak to your boss and ask if you can be considered to work full time from the office. I’m sure someone else would be happy to do extra from home to give you their desk space.