To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

Ah well thats totally different!

Apologies, I didn't mean it in a threatening way, more of a factual way. Op has already been tying to find a home which has been unsuccessful and would be even more so if she doesn't have her job.

You contribute money to the house, sounds like you aren't paying a fair rent for utilies and a room imo.

It's your dad's house, your "protest" sounds very rude and disrespectful. If you have the privacy of your bedroom, then work from there. Just because your dad set up the desk in the first place didn't mean you have exclusive use of another room in his house when you feel like it.

You're a grown adult, be realistic about what you are offering if you keep getting outbid or look further afield and reduce your expectations to what you reasonably need not want. You already have the ability to WFH so a longer commute on days you have to go into the office would be the pay off.

Your dad is probably fed up of you living there and claiming you keep getting outbid, while working in a management position job and not paying full rent or bills. Depending on your other spending habits, he may also be looking at you're taking the piss and not saving everything you can.

This is harsh and mostly fabricated! We have no idea what op pays, what her flat budget is, what she's offering.

Read the OPs post again and consider this is a mid 20s man. The verbal exchanges from OP are rude at best.

OP has a bedroom they can work from, causing grief with Dad isn't going to help. Dad can rightfully tell them it's time to go rent if they can't buy.

Anyone who frequently gets outbid for properties needs to take a look at what they are offering or check if they are just being unrealistic about what they can afford. Harsh but true.

You are being very entitled. If you want privacy go to the office. It is not your parent’s job to enable your choices about working from home. It is clearly something your dad is not ok with so you shouldn’t be doing it in his house. Didn’t you talk about it before deciding to WFH?

Did you miss the part where the father set up a desk in the office for the OP?

Perhaps dad thought it would be ok at first but now doesn’t like the reality. Perhaps it has gone on for longer than he anticipated. Either way he thinks it is an imposition. OP should respect that and find another working arrangement.

We have no idea of her tone. I don't think it's rude at best at all.

I take it you don't have much idea of the property market at the moment. That's incredibly normal.

Yes the dad set up the desk in the office so he was happy for her to work in there, but that doesn't necessarily follow that he was agreeing to her having exclusive access to the room during the working day.

I think the OP is being precious. The dad opened the door/entered the room on three occasions. On only one of those occasions was the OP on a call, and it was one where she had her camera off and wasn't participating.

So she's getting arsey about him popping into the room on principle, on the basis that she may have been on a sensitive call. That's easily addressed by using a headset/blurred background, or taking any particularly sensitive calls in her bedroom.

She's got her dad's back up by taking the attitude that the office is her space exclusively during the day and that he ought to ask her permission to enter, when by the sounds of it, this isn't something he's agreed to. She might have got a better response by saying something like "hey dad, between 11 and 12 I've got a call with a team member about some personal issues they're having, it's quite a sensitive subject so do you mind staying out of the office for that hour, or should I take the call in my bedroom?"

It doesn't change the fundamentals of the issue, but the level to which the OP is paying rent probably does impact her dad's response to this as well. Making statements like "it's my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go" are going to be more inflammatory if she's making a fairly nominal contribution towards household expenses compared to paying full market rent.

For context on the property market in the area I'm looking, there are very few flats being put on the market in my price bracket. Any that are advertised are extremely popular.

For example, one that I made an offer on was listed on a Friday afternoon. I viewed it on the Sunday, and rang the estate agent on the Monday at 9.30am to place an offer. The EA advised me that there had been 3 offers made already that morning, including 2 from investors. One offer was already at 6% over asking price. By 9.30am the next working day after the flat was listed! I made an offer 9% over asking price but got outbid - I don't know how much more over asking price it went.

This has been the situation for most of the flats I've bid on. They were all within my budget and I would have had a 20% deposit for them.

Fingers crossed that you will find something soon. In the meantime, deal with this situation as with a hard management exercise.

He is obviously unhappy about something and can't deal with it in a reasonable way.
Just expecting your WFH will be respected obviously doesn't work, so you can try some other approach instead.