To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

Wow some of these responses are crazy, calling your Dad an arsehole for daring to open a door in his own house!
Get a decent fake office background for any video calls and most headphones these days filter out ambient sounds. Sorted.

My husband pops in whenever I am working at home to make me hot drinks, the kids also stick their heads in when they get home from school, doesn’t bother me at all.

If it were my child then I would do all I could to help them be successful in their job. He is BU.

I hope all the people from the "it's easy to buy a home, you just need to suck it up and live with your parents until you're 47 like we did in the good old days" thread are reading this.

Is your dad normally an arse or is this his one weird quirk? If the latter is there a family member he respects who will help you make one more attempt at explaining to him that you are actually at work?

I assumed the OP was a man by the way

These pp saying he can burst in if he likes, would you like it done to you?
Do your DHs constantly go into your DDs bedrooms without a knock or is it ok?
OP is paying her way and he knows she's working, he is being rude and a bully.

I was going to say, fhe divided opinions on here are clearly those who WFH versus those who don't!!

Could you lock the door or put a wedge under it?

Can see it both ways here. My DH had to work from home during Covid lockdowns and we had a new baby. We have no desk or spare room so he would work at kitchrn tsbke would be annoyed if I was in n out or baby was noisy but I would say u work in our home we don’t live in ur office ! I’d suggest u either work for ur bedroom or get ur on place asap

As you are working in the office upstairs, assuming your Dad does not actually need to be in there too, then he is being an annoying idiot. Surely he knows you are on calls.

I also contribute money each month to the house.

How much are you paying?

If it’s market rent plus bills, I would ask to sit down with your dad and thrash this out-find out what the problem is (is it that he wants to be able to use his office? Is it he downs like the way you speak to him? Etc etc)

If you are paying eg £250 a month, you are onto a pretty good thing and he’s potentially thinking you’re taking the piss.

Work from your bedroom. If it's his office and his stuff in there you don't really get to call the shots unfortunately

YABU

Even in an office environment you will sometimes get interrupted.

If your calls include sensitive information then I don’t think it’s suitable to take them whilst in a home with other people.

Can you just do it in your bedroom instead?
I assume he wouldn’t just barge in there?

This is no different to the multiple threads of mum’s who are asked to keep kids quiet when their DH’s are WFH - it’s a home first.

If the home environment is not suitable for WFH then you need to rent an office.

WFH is not suited to every household.

I think it depends on your role and your responsibilities. If you have a lot of meetings it can be really annoying

If your calls include sensitive information then I don’t think it’s suitable to take them whilst in a home with other people.

This! WFH had its use but I think it's less respected now

I would go and explain to your line manager that your parents aren’t happy with you working from home, and can you make a request to go into the office every day instead; you might find that they can make reasonable adjustments to support you.

If not, then it doesn’t sound like a WFH job isn’t right for you at the moment and you need to look for a new role. Perhaps you can reconsider this when you can rent/own your own home.

Most normal people would respect your privacy and work around you. Your dad is obviously a bit or an arse but unfortunately it’s his house so there’s not a lot you can do. He isn’t going to be persuaded to be reasonable.
This is why adults should never live with their parents.

It sounds like maybe your dad is finding it hard to accept you are an adult with a job, so you are his equal and no longer a child to be told what to do. It sounds like he's not taking your adult life seriously - maybe realising you are an adult now makes his more aware of his mortality/age. Difficult to tell without knowing what he is like in general. I hope you get your own place soon - I feel so sorry for young people who are struggling with rents, it's ridiculous you have to bid for a place to live.

Your dad is being difficult but he’s right, it’s his house and he can go in the office room if he wants.

In general, I think it’s the responsibility of the person wfh to ensure they don’t disturb normal home life rather than the other way round. If you want to work, go to your workplace. It is irrelevant that your workplace can’t accommodate you. They don’t have the right to force your parents to accommodate their employee.

Your DF sounds like a tit. But it is his house so all you can do is move out as soon as you can.

Remember how he treated you when you needed help, when he needs help though.

It's his house. He makes the rules.
My DD and her DP both work from home. I have walked all the way upstairs to her office to ask her something (not trivial) and I call before I go up, and wait out of sight on the staircase (it's the attic bedroom of a Victorian house) if she is on the phone. Not a clue what she is talking about so no real problem if I overhear, but I stay way down the stairs, so I don't. Nor do I go up lightly, it's her house and I am a guest. Don't go in DP's office either, though he keeps the door open. I am allowed, as a guest, to go wherever I wish, but I don't, it's their house.
If you want privacy go to work in your office, rather than at home. You will find it much more conducive to good relations with your father. And get a flat asap - even a share.

You're an adult living and working at home in their mid 20s - it's HIS house and it's pretty entitled of you to think otherwise. Do you pay rent for the use of the extra room (office) in addition to your bedroom?

To be honest, she is being bloody minded. Suggestion of headphones and an 'office background' are good. But it is his house.

Work from your bedroom. When I lived with my parents for a few months between houses I worked from my bedroom I didn’t go in my dad’s office because that was his space.

I couldn't imagine being like this at all. Like why would you not just be supportive of your child who is actively trying to move out?

It's a couple of days a week for christ sake like I'd let my child get on with it if I thought it was helping them out. And yes, this is my house but I wouldnt be a twat just for the sake of it.

Technically he is right. It is his house and he can go where he likes in it. He has made it clear that he will continue to do this. So set up your office space in your own room and lock the door when you are working. Start looking into getting your own place to live.