To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

If it is a shared office that has just been primarily your dads space until recently I can understand him being unimpressed with being able to access it. However you perhaps need a Frank discussion on the situation and how it can work for you both.

If you've created a new office then your dad is being unreasonable.

I find it hard going having my 24yo still living at home sometimes as we clash on how we want the house to be. She is desperately trying to nest in my nest!

Is having a garden office a feasible option?

You can’t continue to work from home. Your dad is being an arse but I do t think that will change.

speak to your manager - explain you need a desk five days a week in the office. Explain your current living situation doesn’t lend itself to home working.

if they can’t accommodate this, ask them to rent a desk nearby.

Maybe you could come to a compromise where you close the door when you're in a call/meeting but open it a little when you're not. Then he knows if it's safe to come in and get stuff. That's what I do if I work from home with DH and student daughters around.

Your dad is a twat.

He doesn't use the office much, it's generally used for storage. He isn't working at the moment but even when he did work in the past it was never a job where it was possible to work from home. It's not that I expect him to never come into the room when I'm working, I'd just appreciate if he'd check first that I'm not in the middle of a private call or an important meeting where I have my camera on with my manager or something.

He also was the one who set my desk up in the office in the first place.

@footballinthepub as you are paying rent, I’d just move the desk into your bedroom and bkur the background on Teams/Zoom. If not big enough, ask to swap rooms until you move out. Presumably he has no need to enter your bedroom.

So you'd think it acceptable for a father to burst into his adult daughter's bedroom without knocking, even though she may be naked, getting changed, or even masturbating? Because it's HIS OWN HOUSE.

This dad is being a total dick, with no respect for his daughter's employment.

This. Or work in your bedroom. I don't think you have the right to take over his office.

I WFH and can sometimes be disturbed by family members. It's their house too. I'm senior but I make it work.

Tell him you arr paying rentand for that want to live undisturbed life.
If he cannot cope with that move to a houseshare and work fdom your room.
Also, do rethink relationship with him if that was the case and let him know his actions will have ling term implications.
He is a cunt.

He's not bursting into the OP's bedroom though is he?

Work in the office as much as possible. Then work in bedroom which he has no reason to enter

his house uktimately

Work from your bedroom?

I know that, but VolvoFan said: "but why do you get to dictate where he can go in his own house? And why should he walk in without knocking first (in his own house)?"

So by VolvoFan's logic, that means she's not even entitled to any privacy in her bedroom, because it's "his own house".

@footballinthepub when you do get your own place, do not give your parents a set of keys, your dad has no boundaries. ETA perhaps increase your search area too, to help you find something quicker!

Yikes some people really do not get working from home. I would put a lock on my bedroom door and work from there, then he can't barge in. And find a new place to live - quick!

Where has there been any suggestion that her father would ask for a set of keys when she buys her own property?

You are not being unreasonable. Your dad is being an arse and you have the right to continue to ask him to knock before he enters. It's not his right especially if you're paying to live there! I could never treat my child in this way.

Living with your parents in your mid 20s is a privilege not a right.
The endless posts on here about 20 something kids living at home and parents complaining - with all the responses saying time they moved out.

I'd imagine if you're home all day hogging his office he's going to be pretty inconvenienced.
He probably wants his house to himself during the day to enjoy retirement and his actions are clearly stating you don't own that room.
Respect his rules or move out and make your own but you don't get to make your own demands in his house.

Hi OP: I can see your dads POV and yours

I think you need to explain to him that sometimes you have to talk about sensitive issues and it’s unprofessional of you if others hear that .. your dad may not have thought of that (as he possibly still I thinks of you as a little kid too!)

Find a system to communicate ‘do not disturb’ - a sign on the door, or wattsap him that you cannot be disturbed from time x to y

also: you need to communicate to him that you respect it is his house & he is used to walking around freely

HTH - have had to do some of this when family visit as they like to walk through my office to use the en-suite attached

This if it is possible, we work from home as the office space has been withdrawn , may be he is the same. Many businesses reduced their office space to reduce costs with so many working from home

Do you think your Dad is trying to assert his dominance over you?

If it was my Dad work wouldn't be the only issue here. This kind of behaviour would affect my whole relationship with him. He is rude, unreasonable and doesn't respect your boundaries.

A bit off topic, I know. But I am intrigued what's behind his behaviour. Does he feel emasculated by you in some way?

I suspect the underlying problem is that your dad is a bit fed up with having you in his house.

Even if you are paying rent you've still got the parent - child relationship going on there and I suspect he wouldn't have got a lodger, so he probably feels like he is doing you a favour.

Doubly so if you are not paying market rent.

The obvious solution is that you move out to a shared house and then you'll either need to work from your bedroom or pay for two rooms.

If you want to stay for financial reasons you may need to accept that there is a price and that's your dad wandering in.

To be fair it doesn't sound like your company is great; if you are discussing wellbeing etc matters on a call you should either be able to be in an office or in a private space of some
Kind which is probably your bedroom.

He can't be disturbing confidential calls so I think you'll have to use your bedroom or ask your manager for office space. It does sound as though he's fed up with you working from home in shared space though.

I think if you're acting towards him about it as you're coming across here, he will have no reason to take you seriously, even if you're right on this issue.

I'm a manager. I have line management responsibilities. My team all come to me to solve their problems because I'm so sensitive and capable and important.

You need a discussion with him about which rooms you can use in the house and when. I'm sure he doesn't come into the bathroom or your bedroom without your consent. So he can agree that on certain days, at certain times, the office is similarly 'out of bounds'. You may need to put a notice on the door (and perhaps a wedge under the door) if he's liable to forget.