House guests when I'm stressed

[Twix42]

Who is being unreasonable?
I am doing a really stressful full time work and uni one year postgrad. I have previous form for getting very overwhelmed etc.

This year, I have no summer hols as will be working and studying the whole time.
DH is taking our kids camping, for a week in july with family member and their kids mon-fri , I am not going, as have full time work/uni, no time off etc.

Family member wants to come back to our house for the weekend after camping to prolong their holiday.

Family member will come to us and expect meals and activities for them and their kids for whole weekend. Wil not contribute a bean, (and tbh DH will not ask for it).

I have 4000 word assignment due the following week. Which I will be v stressed out about. I don't want them to come here.

I haven't got time, my studies are for 1 important year, I can't be organised and do everything.

DH knows having them to stay will put me under pressure with my work/uni but still wants them to come, he won't want to say no. He's kind.

DH says its up to me, but I will get the guilt trip if I say no.

It will be me doing all the prep/shopping/cooking etc if they come.

AIBU ? I feel I can't do everything.. its crap but its just this one year. I have to get through my postgrad, that takes priority to me.
Thanks for reading!

Tell them no and don’t feel guilty, you’ve got enough on your plate.

Don't do it. Just say no. You might feel a bit guilty but it will be worth it.

'Sorry, no, I've just got too much on just now'.
Is it only on MN that people invite themselves to others houses with no regard for the hosts?

Compromise and have them for one night. I presume it’s your nieces and nephews - wouldn’t you like to see them? And get a carry out or go out for dinner.

Straight forward no

Why will it need to be you doing all the prep / cooking / shopping if they come?

I'd say to DH it's a no from me, unless he's up for sorting everything and accepting I'd be locked in a room working!

There's no reason you have to do the prep. Go out to the library.

It will be me doing all the prep/shopping/cooking etc if they come

Why will it?

Will be me doing all the prep etc because everyone else will be camping the week before.

Either say "not this year, I just need to get past this stage, we can all have time together at Xmas/next year/whenever"

Or

Say yes to dh but he and guest are responsible for all the hosting. Food, entertainment, the lot. Lock yourself away and just appear to be fed.

Next year's project for you - work on saying no without guilt.

Can you go stay with your parents or a friend for that weekend so your DH has to do it all and you can focus on work?

I say this as someone who works full time and is also doing my second 1 year post grad and is also a senior training lead.

You will burn yourself out if you don't take a break.

Taking a weekend in the summer for fun and activities with your kids and family is healthy. What you are describing isn't.

They will have just been away for a week - get the assignment done then.

I have a 4000 word essay due 3 days after we fly to Spain so will submit early. The weekend before I'm taking DD to an event in Edinburgh.

You really shouldn't need to be doing so much study that you can't spare a weekend. It's not healthy or sustainable. And for a postgrad it seems far too intense.

You could do a family massive cleaning session before they leave for camping, and book in a big shop to be delivered the day the campers return. Then you won't need to be there at all

Your DH is not kind if he expects you to host his relatives when you have so much on. Just say no. And mean it. Or if he really wants them I’d decamp somewhere else for the weekend.

Yeah no.

I even managed to book a hotel in Paris when I was in a bell tent in the middle of the Dordogne forest one summer. In the middle of nowhere.

They can do an internet shop to be delivered when they get back, and then sort themselves out.

I sympathise op. Having houseguests at the best of times makes me feel stressed.

Others might suggest telling DH to take on all the meal organising and entertaining if he really wants them there but, from what you say, you will feel obliged to play host to some extent.

I would respond with a firm but polite 'not this time' and perhaps suggest another get together later in the summer.

Or he could. If he can camp he can clean and do an internet shop.

This.

Get an online shop delivered. Your kids will probably enjoy a weekend with you.

I do wonder this. If they are brazen enough to invite themselves, surely they can't get upset if you are direct back with them? And how is your dh 'Kind' to put this on you?

After going camping, there will be lots of bathing/laundry/sorting of stuff when the kids and dh get back, surely the last thing you need is guests round at this time. Dh needs to say, no, not this time.

DH needs to focus on being kind to you not looking good to a relative while you do the work.

Say no and ignore and fall out. They're extending a holiday, add doing all their washing to the stress that will follow.

Say 'no' and don't feel guilty !

It is a perfectly reasonable and understandable reason not to have them.

"I would love to have you over, but I am stressed an overwhelmed with uni work, hence dh taking the kids alone, so just don't have the capacity at the moment. Once this year of work is over, we'll make sure to have you over"

No one in their right mind would take that badly.

No way! He's being spineless, not kind. Let him say no, he's a big boy now and needs to learn to prioritise you.

DH will have to prepare the beds/rooms before they go, do an advance shop for food ( pizzas etc can be frozen, cereals keep etc) In return he and the family member are in charge of meals and drinks. If necessary you go and work in the library and leave them to it.

Your husband is handing you the burden of feeling guilty for saying no, so he doesn’t have to. I would absolutely say no and feel the guilt rather than say yes and feel the stress and resentment.