To not understand why parents are so unwilling to take my advice (tutor)?

[rosesinmygarden]

I'm a very experienced tutor and teacher. I tutor students for high stakes exams and have had excellent results and many happy customers for about 15 years.

I offer a lot for my price. Homework, lesson reports, parents' consults, extra resources and advice between sessions as well as years of experience tutoring students in the area. I do all this happily as I want my students to succeed.

Over the past couple of years I've noticed parents are becoming really unwilling to take on my advice. I'm constantly finding that they argue back and become very angry and accusative if I give constructive criticism/advice. They seem less and less willing to support their child or put any effort in, yet want stellar results. This exam requires a team effort for success. An hour a week with a tutor will not guarantee fabulous success for most. And why hire a tutor with my experience, then choose to ignore their advice or even accuse them of having an ulterior motive when they attempt to tell you something you don't want to hear?

I've been accused of all kinds lately and am finding that my results are slipping as a result of this change in attitude. It's really affecting my motivation. I've always loved my job but am finding it quite soul destroying at times lately.

What kind of advice are they rejecting so angrily?

They are probably under the impression that they've employed your services to make their lives easier. Not have someone cast a disapproving eye over their parenting - there's always MN for that and it's free

Tutoring is soul crushing. Far too much ‘I pay therefore I expect’ out there. As you say, it’s a team effort between you, the student and their support network.

What have you been accused of?

What a strange attitude! The tutor I employ is very experienced and has built a brilliant relationship with my child. So I definitely take any advice on board. I trust her and know that she has his best interests at heart.

Yes it depends what advice they’re rejecting. Doing extra work outside tutoring? Is this an 11+ exam?

Could be that they feel inferior or possibly even feel guilty for not being able to help their own child? I wouldn't take it personally. You can't take on other people's emotions.

They think by hiring the tutor they can not do the parenting needed, and you are telling them that despite having you there, they need to do something too. They thought you were a magic pill, basically. The level of this is epidemic in schools. I was told "He won't need GCSEs he's a genius with computers and is going to be a hacker" hmmm is he now, I think perhaps geniuses don't fail maths GCSE due to spending the lessons trying to vape.
If I were you I would have a 2 tier system:

1. Sensible parents who get what you do now
2. Silly parents - teach the kids and give THEM the lessons needed in what to do, stop all the extras, work just the time for the money and disengage a bit.

That way you can focus you time and energies on those that appreciate them and with parents like those you describe, gp2s only chance is to grasp whats necessary themselves so no one loses out really.

Yes, my child's tutor is very good too. Although I can't imagine her dolling out the kind of advice that would cause people to react angrily!

It’s the same for all aspects of teaching though,
Too many parents who think they know better, who aren’t interested in any kind of negative feedback about their offspring. Children who think it’s your job to do it for them.
Are you in a position to pick your clients more carefully? Get rid of the ones who won’t work for it.

I've paid an English tutor for my son as ideally my son needs a 7 due to the course he wants at uni.
I've been told by the tutor at best he will get a 6 and by the way his handwriting is so terrible he needs a laptop for exams. Noted and he now has the laptop thing sorted.
I agree that it's pointless to pay a tutor if you ignore their advice. I want him to get a 7 but if that's not happening it's not happening. Still paying for the tutor as he says it helps a lot.

Maybe it’s time to be more selective about who you work with? Some people really don’t want constructive feedback or advice, they think that by turning up and paying that’s all that is required.

physio therapy is another example of this and plenty more professions.

People hire a tutor to provide a fix. They don't expect to have to do any work themselves. That's your job.

No wonder they argue. 😄

A recent example would be that I expressed concern that a child was still not understanding a concept we've spent a lot of time on.

I was told I'm wrong and they've taught him a different way at home. I gave him a set of 5 exam questions on the concept and he got them all wrong, because he's still not fully grasped the idea.

But apparently I'm wrong. He's fabulous at it and I must just be trying to sell extra lessons (I never mentioned this).

Absolutely fine. It's also my job to tell them the likely outcome as things stand...

Yes, I've actually terminated tuition with several families this year because they were completely deluded about the amount of effort required to get a certain result.

Apparently I'm then being grossly unfair to them because they're 'entitled' to a tuition place.

Yes, 11+.

There was me thinking it was part of my job to provide honest information about the likely outcomes of tuition.

I'm not asking them to do any work.

However, you can't expect to book the bare minimum of tuition for your average child, do nothing extra at home, and then pass with flying colours.

Then be angry with the tutor who warns you what the likely outcome will be.

Biggest lesson I learnt as a tutor was; if the child does not put the effort in, bin them. Second lesson, if the parent does not put the effort in bin them.

Research shows that after the parents, child and teacher the tutor comes 4th in effecting results.

We HE'd DS, so used tutors for exam prep/pointers etc. They were worth their weight in gold. We would hang off every word they said.

There are still parents out there that need tutors with your dedication. Don't lose heart.

Someone told me recently that few students are doing stem subjects (their Dd is in this final school year) -I said that’s a shame are they all being lawyers and finance - no they’re doing business studies and admin type courses at uni!
Is it the constant talk of working from home that no one wants todo science or be a doctor? You just do a degree then sit at a computer and earn lots of money!?
V odd imv.

Or they're outraged because the tutor has asked the parents to do some work with their own children.

I had a cousin whose son needed a speech therapist. He complained when the therapist asked him and and his wife to do some exercises with the son: "Is that not your job?"

I've seen so many examples of this - parents who think that paying for a therapist or a tutor once a week is enough. I've had parents balking at something as simple as "Please encourage your child to read for 15 minutes a day."

Wow. Some of the answers here just prove the point that I was making.

The way maths is taught has completely changed since my time at school. If I knew how to teach dd I would but I'd only make things worse which is why I hire a tutor.