Young Adults using weed - big deal or no?

[RunNo]

Looking for others thoughts.
I have 3 children 22, 20 and 18 and my husband has a daughter who is 23. I’ve been divorced from my children’s dad for 8 years and we rarely communicate.

At the weekend my partners sister had come
to visit from France, her 3 children also visited they are 24, 22 and 19.

On Saturday night we all went out for dinner all the “kids” went for drinks after then back to my partners daughters flat. Along with 2 of her friends and her 29 year old boyfriend, this upped the average age quite a bit.

Turns out they all ended up sitting around smoking weed, listening to music etc. On Sunday my 18 year old told me, he’s quite a young 18, only just finished his A-levels etc. He told me it made him uncomfortable and everyone was doing it apart from him and my 20 year old.

I mentioned to my partner and he gave me a look as though to say “and what?”. I’ve noticed this with a lot of things really with him. I suggested he maybe mention to his daughter that some of the younger ones with them weren’t comfortable and maybe in the future if they are there, she shouldn’t engage in the use of illegal drugs! He more or less said “be glad it was only weed” then said he wouldn’t say anything as they were all adults and my kids could have left if they weren’t comfortable. For context she lives in Zone 1 central London, my kids have grown up in rural Berkshire. Yes the night tube was on so they could have easily got to my partners (we don’t live together yet) but I don’t think they knew how or had the confidence to leave. The demographic of my kids vs everyone else is quite different. He is incredibly well off , his daughter was gifted several properties worth over a million pounds at 18 and could easily live off the rental income of them, she doesn’t she has a job but she absolutely could. I think the use of drugs (especially weed and cocaine) is a lot more common in her well off trust fund babies of central London than in my kids state school rural Berkshire circles!

Either way my kids have now told their dad and he has said to me that the kids have told him they don't want to spend time with partners daughter or niece/nephews again. They are also saying they won’t be coming on holiday to France with us in July. I’ve spoke to my kids and they have said they just want someone to tell his daughter they were uncomfortable.

Now I feel stuck. I don’t think it’s a massive deal, but I understand my kids were uncomfortable. It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to talk to my partners daughter as we aren’t close. My partner refuses to as he thinks my kids are being childish and it’s “just weed”. My kids don’t want to talk to her themselves or hang out with her again.

So AIBU to think

1. Using weed isn’t a big deal and both my ex and my kids are being dramatic
2. Even if it isn’t a big deal my kids feeling uncomfortable needs to be dealt with so we can work as a family
3. To help with this my partner should just have a quiet word with his daughter before the family holiday, even just to say “if you plan to smoke in France just let X and Y know so they don’t have to be part of it”

Or is it actually a big deal and we are being too relaxed about it, it is illegal after all!

Or not a deal at all and my kids just need to grow up and stop being immature

I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle and between my kids and my partner right now

The County Lines point is separate to other issues @housemaus but there has been a lot of talk of how harmless drugs are and attempts to make people who are anti seem a bit uncool. Nothing could be further from the truth and I don’t mind saying so.

I’ve avoided commenting on the County Lines issue as I don’t know how my view will be taken. But since it keeps coming up.
I think the solution to County Lines is the legislation of Cannabis for recreational use (like in many other places). This way it can be directed by legal means, taxed and regulated.
Individuals using weed in about the most “city” area you can get isn’t actually related to County Lines, the whole point of it is about the abhorrent modern slavery used to get drugs from urban centres to rural communities.

A solution exists, people won’t stop using it, so make it legal, make it safer and cut out the criminals.

County lines situations exist in city environments too. They may not be travelling as far but they are still being exploited. Bear in mind too the parents who are going to prison because they are taking the blame for the firearms hidden in their homes by their exploited kids. Vulnerable people paid £50 to take a huge amount of drugs from one end of the city to another then getting caught and having to do very long stretches in prison. This is the reality.

The solution remains the same - legalise cannabis for recreational use.

I’m not saying otherwise @RunNo I’m just pointing out that kids are exploited in every type of place.

Ironically, there a few posters on this thread that could really do with smoking a joint

Maybe @Errors but preferably not one delivered by a 14 year old who should be doing their homework instead of working for an organised criminal gang.

What I’m saying is that ONE of the issues is the funding of criminal gangs who exploit children and vulnerable adults in the commission of their crimes.

I personally don’t think it’s a good idea to give money to criminals which creates the demand for more cuckooing, violent crime, people trafficking and child abuse and I certainly wouldn’t want my teenagers in any way involved.

Did you forget your sense of humour at home today.

Hi @Jgermansay Firstly I am at home. Secondly I don’t apologise for not finding that post funny.

I feel really sorry for these kids.

They have told you how uncomfortable they are with this situation but you don’t seem to care about their feelings, only about your DP.

Choose wisely.

@PrueRamsay
They're not kids at 18/20!! Honestly the infantilising on MN, they can speak up and stop trying to manipulate and be so bloody entitled to think they can have daddy tell
off an adult.

• don’t want to be!! But they have gone running to my ex which forces me to be involved or lose them effectively. This happens a lot - they run to their dad and then I have to bend over backwards pleasing them or all I get is “well im just going to move in with dad and never visit then* very nasty behaviour, let them move in, they sound deeply unpleasant

So again legalization prevents giving money to the criminal element

They are GROWN ADULTS if I went running to my parents at that age and said x was smoking weed and I didn’t like it they would have said well why didn’t you leave not mother me to death

Agree with all the other commenters who said the weed isn't the issue, but the young adults who are unable to cope with people around them making different choices and manipulating their parents are terrible. Expecting an adult to be "told off" shows their appalling infantilisation.

Agree with the commenters pointing out that legalisation solves the problems with supply chain, although many users buy locally grown which also negates this.

The comments about how anyone who smokes is a lazy zombie are hilarious, I don't know any successful people who haven't.

Alcohol absolutely ruins lives but as it is legal people don't clutch their pearls about it. It won't be too long until it is legalised, branded and taxed here and then how will all these commenters cope!

"Put it this way - the girl was nice enough to invite her dad’s partner’s not very sociable kids to hang out with her friends and just acted how she would do normally. She didn’t force them to do drugs or mock them. And as thanks, she got pearl-clutching tattle-taling.

She’ll not make that mistake again!"

This!

'Keeping the peace' is not always the right thing to do. If you bend to the manipulation and power play of your kids and try to 'tell off' a 23 year old woman, who was being friendly and inclusive, all that will happen is a fracturing of the relationship between you and her and potentially between you and your dp.
I'll be honest, in your step daughter's position I'd tell anyone attempting to manage my life in these circumstances to fuck right off. And that's going to do family relationships no good at all!

You need to work on your own boundaries a bit OP. I think it's great that you can be dispassionate about your own children's personalities - so many parents will never admit their dc are anything less than 100% perfect at all times. We all love our kids equally, but it is important to be able to recognise when they might be in the wrong!
I would honestly say to my kids that they weren't forced to be there, no pressure on them to join in and that you cannot be telling another adult what is permitted in their own home - remind them she was nice to include them snd they will have to learn how to cope with a bit of discomfort. Say you hope they will join you on holiday but it's their decision. You do have to call their bluff a bit.

And stop paying any mind to your ex husband! They can only manipulate you if you keep allowing it.

Criminals are under no obligation to change their business model and modes of practice just because some misguided souls decided to make it harder to prosecute them.

I think you misunderstood. If weed was legal the people wouldn't need to buy it from illegal dealers. They could buy from a shop legally