DD6’s party, Jemima’s mother and the clownfairy part 2

[Endoftheroad12345]

Hi all

After my last post here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5097890-to-tell-a-mum-of-a-guest-that-she-cant-stay-at-dd6s-birthday-party?page=1

I thought some of you might be interested in an update.

The clown/fairy I had booked ghosted me when I tried to confirm!!!! so for a moment there I was panicking about having no entertainer and felt that the mumsnet curse of hoping that DD had a shitty party would come true!!!!! luckily though, I have found and booked a back up fairy. So that mitigates the clown phobia risk

9 guests have RSVPed if a total of 12 invites (I had guessed 15), 3 TBC. Of the 12, I know 6 mothers (most of them just to say hi to at school). 3 who have RSVPed I couldn’t pick out of a line up. So far no other parents have asked to stay. Or indeed asked for any other details (or an “plan”)about the party.

Forecast is for pissing rain on Sunday.

The last few pages of the thread took a weird turn while I was asleep and started talking about swimming parties and lifeguards. We do actually have a pool … (I know I sound like I’m trolling at this point.) There will not be a lifeguard on duty, but as it’s about 12 degrees here so I don’t think anyone will be getting in the unheated pool.

(Am WFH today because DS has a high fever and power-chucked in the hallway last night while I was making cupcakes at 10pm for the sodding school fundraiser. As DS coughed in my face while he spreadeagled across my bed, I did think wistfully of one poster on the last thread who thought I was probably a cashed up career woman who barely saw her kids.)

Bless you, @Endoftheroad12345

I am reading your posts in the voice of an old kiwi friend I met in Singapore. Her laid back attitude really helped me, as I was a bit of a stress head.

Interestingly, culture varies from school to school. I had DC across different schools and they swapped schools more than once.

One school everyone, but everyone stayed including both parents, siblings and an occasional grandma.

At another, a bunch of 5yr olds were flung on my doorstep and I was alone with about 25 of them. I'd have killed for a handy parent to watch the kids and intervene if there was carnage while I organised.

It also really depends on the DC. I'm was a primary teacher. Some years are just so self contained and capable- they gel and cooperate. Others are like a room full of Trump and BoJos. Having a great time but at a high cost.

I think you'll find more parents will presume it's fine to stay (as I would).

Do you have a plan for this OP?

For what it’s worth, a lot of children were dropped at my girls’ 4th birthday party (they are teens now). By six I definitely dropped off unless asked to help. We are in the midlands, UK. Parents have got far too helicoptery over the last few years; don’t think it’s a coincidence that anxiety in children has gone through the roof!

I hope all goes well!

If only there was a BIG PURPLE BUTTON on EVERY thread for exactly this......

The thought of leaving my child with an adult I barely know in a house full of 6 years olds makes me feel faint.
it must be a cultural thing, cos here in the UK, you don’t just leave your child with random adults you don’t know, birthday party or not.

DD is 10 now but first party where some of the parents dropped and ran was her 5th, only 1 parent stayed at DDs 6th party and they only stayed because they had bought their entire brood of children along without asking so I said they could stay and use the space as long as DD and her friends weren't bothered but that I wouldn't be looking after them as I hadn't planned for toddlers or teenagers.

well clearly that’s incorrect judging from the other posts on this and the other thread

If leaving your child in the home of a classmate with 10 other friends from school made you feel faint, then your child would have the option not to attend, but that’s a you problem - not a host of the party issue.

What I find interesting is all these people bleating (on the other thread) about how mean I am, my bad attitude meaning Jemima might miss out because of hypothetical additional needs etc. The flip side of the coin is that I am a single mother of 2 kids and having a party at home, with limited space capacity, is how I have determined that DD can have the party she wants. Clearly it is not abnormal because Jemima’s mother is the only one asking “for details of the plan please :)” and “OK. OK if I stay?” (which is rude and presumptuous and that is a hill I will die on).

If it was a free for all for every PFB parent to stay around and lurk I simply couldn’t host a party. So why should DD miss out?

I think you’ll find they won’t.

I will report back.

My plan is that they stand outside in the rain

"The thought of leaving my child with an adult I barely know in a house full of 6 years olds makes me feel faint.
it must be a cultural thing, cos here in the UK, you don’t just leave your child with random adults you don’t know, birthday party or not."

Certainly not cultural. You are hardly speaking for the whole of the UK. For a birthday party with classmates in the host's home, I don't know anybody who felt the need to stay with their 6 year old children.

Haha! Brilliant - please do just that 😁🤣

I'm extremely invested in your post now so yes, please let us know how it goes.

I genuinely hope it all goes smoothly for you and your daughter has a fantastic part 🎈🎁🎂

I have made 15 party bags and now on cupcakes. It is 10.30pm here … it’s going to be a late one 😂

It is pissing with rain here and forecast for torrential all day tomorrow.

I caught up with half a dozen friends today, all with kids aged between 1 and 12 and the was a collective gasp of horror at the idea of a parent of a 6 y.o staying at a party.

So either I’m normal or my friends are all unwelcoming bitches too 😂 It’s not mutually exclusive I suppose

Good luck!
settles down with popcorn

We did. Lots of parties in London. Lots of playdates. Everyone is different.

Not my experience at all both as a child myself or now.

I remember going to lots of parties, don’t remember my mum or dad being at any of them unless it was a cousin or family friend’s party

we are mid party

the fairy is doing a magic show

the rain has held off

Party runs 11am - 2pm

Mother of Jemima showed up at 10.45 just as I was trying to throw some make up at my face. I was pretty distracted so when she said “I’ll get out of your hair then” I said yep ok see you at 2.

Jemima is fine, not clingy at all

Wr have 14 guests

Every other parent dropped and ran except the mum of the only child who was not a school friend so didn’t know as many of the other girls. Mother (who I know well) was itching to leave but child clingy so she stayed about 45 min until the fairy arrived and she could slip away

it’s absolute carnage 😂

thise of you who said another adult would be a good idea were correct but luckily the other mum and fairy ha e been good back up

My parents haven’t shown up 🤪

Ex H was here to drop kids but bounced as soon as guests arrived

No fires set, no lifeguards needed, no bombs made, no broken legs. Well done you!! Oh and apologies for my previous cultural appropriation. I've just realized. NZ - Yeah, Nah
Aus - Yeah, No, ( add equivocation)
Explains all.

shame about your parents!
hope you recovered and all enjoyed it

oh my parents did show up. At 2.05 just as it was finishing. Greeted my abusive exH (who showed up for the cake cutting just as the party was ending) like a long lost son.

Plonked themselves down and expected me to make them tea and serve them cake

I realised at one point that I hadn’t eaten and felt like I was going to conk out which would have really skewed the adult:child ratio!!!

Oh that’s bad. That’s really bad.
Sorry they were so insensitive.

But hooray, you did it, all done for another year!

I didn't read your last thread so this was a rollercoaster! Can't believe your parents didn't turn up to help but clearly knew the timings of the party to be there immediately after. Big well done for getting through it 🙌

It really is not a cultural thing amongst my circle. We never stayed at parties with our children. It is only in recent years that people have this expectation, Absolutely ridiculous ,unless child has SEN .

See, I think some people took from the OP that I had some zealous obsession with doing it myself single handedly. I just don’t have any one I can rely on for help! Certainly glad I told JM she couldn’t come. Who shows up 15 minutes early ffs Think she was scoping for a spare seat

Great it went well. Sorry you have such useless parents and ex. Particularly galling for your parents to greet him so enthusiasticly.

I assume you will be opening up the wine shortly if you haven't already? I always found there was never a nicer glass than after the clean up from a kid's party.

Glad it went well and parents left 🤣

I divorced my narcissistic ex 3 years ago - my parents were around at his place the very next day comforting him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm no longer in contact with any of them.

Family are strange.