DD6’s party, Jemima’s mother and the clownfairy part 2

[Endoftheroad12345]

Hi all

After my last post here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5097890-to-tell-a-mum-of-a-guest-that-she-cant-stay-at-dd6s-birthday-party?page=1

I thought some of you might be interested in an update.

The clown/fairy I had booked ghosted me when I tried to confirm!!!! so for a moment there I was panicking about having no entertainer and felt that the mumsnet curse of hoping that DD had a shitty party would come true!!!!! luckily though, I have found and booked a back up fairy. So that mitigates the clown phobia risk

9 guests have RSVPed if a total of 12 invites (I had guessed 15), 3 TBC. Of the 12, I know 6 mothers (most of them just to say hi to at school). 3 who have RSVPed I couldn’t pick out of a line up. So far no other parents have asked to stay. Or indeed asked for any other details (or an “plan”)about the party.

Forecast is for pissing rain on Sunday.

The last few pages of the thread took a weird turn while I was asleep and started talking about swimming parties and lifeguards. We do actually have a pool … (I know I sound like I’m trolling at this point.) There will not be a lifeguard on duty, but as it’s about 12 degrees here so I don’t think anyone will be getting in the unheated pool.

(Am WFH today because DS has a high fever and power-chucked in the hallway last night while I was making cupcakes at 10pm for the sodding school fundraiser. As DS coughed in my face while he spreadeagled across my bed, I did think wistfully of one poster on the last thread who thought I was probably a cashed up career woman who barely saw her kids.)

@Daisy1457 you sound way meaner than the op. And at least she's funny with it.

I know. I don’t see her as remotely stressed. Just gently mocking the situation and even herself. She isn’t taking it too seriously. She clearly posted out of amusement and some bewilderment. Not out of a sense of panic and angst. Other posters have taken on that role!

Christ, this is embarrassing now. No one cares.

All I can say is, if OP was my defence lawyer I’d be very happy, if she was prosecuting I’d be quaking in my boots. 😁

Its very clear she is stressed. Her stress shows in her overreaction a few simple questions from a parent about a birthday party. Also in not being able to tolerate another parent being present during the party. It shows in how she talks of her ex husband and even her mother. Her mocking of other posters seems to be her way of dealing with criticism. She seems to be under a lot of stress and probably does not even recognise it herself.

I am psychologist BTW!

I am a psychiatrist ;-)

Great, you can see it too 🤗

She said she doesn't seem stressed at all!

I agree she doesn't seem stressed. I am NOT a psychologist.

OP as a kiwi living in London I’ve been chuckling as people’s responses to your thread. It really highlights the cultural differences…(and house size difference. And that having a pool is pretty normal). Don’t mention that we all go barefoot in summer and that the kids often take their shoes off at school to play - if you’re in Auckland or further north that is. Not quite sure where the shoes off to play outside dividing line is any more!

It's fairly obvious you are wrong

‘ragging on your literally abusive ex is a you problem, I’m a psychologist’

I am deeply grateful to those who have chosen to carry the torch of absolute batshittery into this second thread to give everyone else something to chew on. You are seen, and appreciated.

I mean a fair number of people disagree with you. It's cool that you can think what you think for whatever reasons important to you, but by virtue of being a psychologist, you don't hold the facts in diagnosing someone through a screen. It's your opinion that you think she is – but that's where it ends

I feel for the OP, she has had a very hard time.

Some people coming on here just enabling her bad attitude though.

I think MN enables everyone's bad attitudes to be frank.

Very true. That's why I'll leave it there.

And I'm not a psychologist by the way. It was a joke!

I'm actually a lawyer

Crosspost

She was joking!

Cross posted with her saying that.

I'm not a psychologist but I would be concerned about a psychologist coming to conclusions like this based on such flimsy evidence.

Referring to the way she speaks about her mother when you have no idea what her mother is like as an indicator of stress is bizarre. Some people are useless and no help with anything. My grandmother was like that. She would just get in the way.

Same with the references to the ex. You have no idea what he was like or how he acted.

Not wanting someone you don't know in your house during a party is perfectly normal. She has no idea if the parent would be helpful or a pain. Easier not to take the chance. I also didn't think her reaction to the requests was an over reaction. More polite irritation.

Some of the comments from other posters deserved mocking. Many seemed incapable of understanding that cultures differ and what is normal protocol for parties in their locale is not necessarily universal.

I had a really teeny party at my home for my child when she was about 8.
I specifically put on invite drop off and pick up so it was clear.
Looking forward to doing it by myself. It was very small.
When these other 2 parents turned up, one said is it ok if we stay
Well I said yes cos didn't want to be awkward and rude. But it changed the whole dynamic
You can't help wondering if they just don't trust you or something. Then one mum towards the end decided herself that it was time to go and said right let's go so they went slightly early.
It did piss me off a bit

I have spent most of my afternoon reading your magnificent responses to the previous thread and done zero work, I'm saving this one for later but thankyou @Endoftheroad12345 I have never seen such brilliant and dedicated comebacks on here and I will remember you when I'm losing the will on here and despairing of the insane and disproportionate posts.
I hope at some point you become a step mum because your sort would be a revelation on those threads.
Great work x

It is a lie if that’s not what you want, it would have been a lie if op had said yes ok to stay as op did not want the mum to stay. People pleasing which every woman on here gets told not to do, then when they don’t people please they get flack for being mean.

I would like more people to declare their professions please.

I think I’ve heard there’s a lawyer on this thread, we’ve definitely got a psychologist, and, by all available evidence, there’s someone with deep health & safety experience (although they seem shy to admit it).

Who else has relevant expertise for discussing whether 1 adult can look after 12-15 kids for a couple of hours? Do we have a bookmaker in the house?