.... to not be that fussed about FIL being "absolutely devastated" because I didn't tell DP about fathers day?

[SecretDeidre]

Neither me nor DP registered that yesterday was fathers day.

Ergo, DP's dad didn't get the usual perfunctory phone call.

At midnight, DP received a text from his mum saying "Thanks for taking the time to call dad on fathers day".

This morning DP replied saying he hadn't realized but will call later this week.

An exchange ensued where the upshot is that DP's dad is "absolutely devastated" and DP should've known it was fathers day because I should've told him so

I'm disproportionately pissed off.

For context:
> I don't have a dad, ergo fathers day has never remotely been on my radar.
> I don't do wife work and PILs are fully aware of this.
> DP doesn't do cards, gifts or similar so wouldn't have actually sent anything to FIL - he'd have just called him.
> DP has been working 7-day weeks and in/out of the country for the last month or so which is why fathers day didn't register.
> DP and FIL aren't particularly close. We see them once or twice a year, DP speaks to them once a month or so.

AIBU to not give a shit because its not my circus, not my monkeys?

I can totally understand why your FIL is hurt, but it is definitely not your fault.

I agree with you RE 'wife work' ughhhh. My husband is in charge of his family, and me mine. We write birthdays on our calendar in January to stop us forgetting, his family in one colour and mine in another and shared dates like Mother's/Father's Day we draw a star or circle to stop us forgetting.

Errr this

I am chuckling at the idea they deliberately stayed up until midnight, just in case he rang at 11:59. @SecretDeidre do you know what time they usually go to bed at?

Entirely possible, yes. Though I do suspect I might get blamed for their poor relationship as well.

It's everywhere in the same way Trooping of the Colour and the Euros have been everywhere.

I knew both things were coming up but couldn't have told you exactly when until after the event.

Oh. I was about to agree about wifework etc. But although you’re not involved you just don’t like any of them.
Shame, I find assuming good intent and aiming for good relationships enhances my life.
Misanthropists are rarely happy.

I have no idea but I suspect its probably quite early!

If he was that worried he would have phoned yr hubby for a chat, just ignore.

Rennie Mackintosh hotel??? jeeez, I wouldn't stay there if I actually was homeless. <misses point of thread>

Terrible stuff. I'm guessing that your Christmas, birthday is pretty crap too @SecretDeidre

OMG

It's ridiculous. You're his wife/partner, not his social secretary.
They're grown men. We shouldn't need to remind them about stuff like this.
On more than one occasion l didn't get birthday presents/cards in time for my birthday from my ex husband's family.
As his mother explained to me, for the simple reason that "he hadn't been to their house to collect them" but it didn't seem to occur to him after the first time that that was what they expected, or for them to ring him and ask him to call in to collect them.
They always made sure he always got his on time, though.....

Children have minds of their own and go their own way when older and have their own thoughts on things.

It's nothing to do with how they were raised as to whether you get a mother's day card or not.

What a ridiculous overeactive statement, it amazes me how people get so irate over such small things, talk about making a mountain out of a molehill 🙄

OP why didn't husband just phone Dad say sorry I forgot, it so simple.
Why take such offence at MIL comment, she’s from a generation where women did do these things.
The things people find to feel insulted about on here would make a comedy script, lighten up and live your life looking for the good in people instead of snapping and snarling at an every small comment!

I think SIL knows exactly what she is about with those gifts. They cannot complain as they would be "ungrateful" but the presents are so shite that she is ensuring they get exactly zero amount of enjoyment out of it, Bravo to her!

I don't get many shopping type emails because I unsubscribe to them as soon as they're of no use.

I've also accidentally booked for Sunday lunch out on Mothering Sunday, being totally unaware of the day! It's really easy to miss if you don't celebrate those days and don't have primary school children to forcibly be made to remind you via their teachers!

I forgot it too - DS finished his GCSEs on Friday, issue with building regs and arsey exbuilder/building inspector and a billion other things. Never missed it or forgotten before, and as both kids are on the spectrum they need managing fir this stuff… so my ‘fault’.

My DH didn’t care and said I could make it up to him if I’d pop to the supermarket and get a leg of lamb and some icecream. I did and the lovely bloke cooked it all for us. That said, my lovely bloke NEVER does Mothers Day as his dad never did it for his mum. I now just order his mum’s and my own flowers with a large side helping of champagne and stuff it on his card [evil maniacal laugh]…

Just another example of the consequences of Brexit.

Or maybe Covid.

Or this Tory Government.

Sounds like the crap presents my SiL gives:
A Thomas the Tank coat hanger for DS’s 10th birthday
A box of cable tidies for dh’s last birthday
6 packets of out of date corn kernels to make popcorn for DD’s birthday this year
A squashed bag of Twiglets (my Christmas present)

MiL gave me a used bar of coal tar soap and a face cloth 3 consecutive Christmas’s; I told dh that I wouldn’t be responsible for my actions if I ever saw her again.

@Respectisnotoptional

OP why didn't husband just phone Dad say sorry I forgot, it so simple
Because it was midnight when MIL text - we were in bed. DP got the text at 4:30am - I'm not sure they'd have appreciated a call that early in the morning. Then he was traveling so not able to call after that. Even if he wasn't traveling, he has an FT job so calling FIL this morning wouldn't be particularly feasible anyway.

Why take such offence at MIL comment, she’s from a generation where women did do these things
Because that's not how the world works now, and its certainly not the way our relationship works and MIL's very aware of this.

The things people find to feel insulted about on here would make a comedy script, lighten up and live your life looking for the good in people instead of snapping and snarling at an every small comment! I agree - insane to get "absolutely devastated" over not getting a phone call on a made-up holiday.

It's not overreactive.

You really think that MIL waiting until midnight to (rudely and sarcastically) text her son about a forgotten father's day is in any way normal behaviour? You don't think that a normal person would have texted much earlier in the day and said, hey did you know it's fathers day, dad would love a call?

No, I haven't overreacted. MIL was manipulative and spiteful - and I don't tolerate that shit. If you want to let people treat you like that, that's up to you. But I call it out and put a stop to it.

Urgh, all these whiny adults. So undignified 🙄 it's just another day. Who cares if someone didn't get a card? My eldest ds always forgets because he's busy and has adhd. He still loves me though, I don't need a piece of cardboard to make me feel good about myself.

Personally I think grown ups getting upset by these holidays invented by card companies a bit ridiculous. It’s nice when your children are small but adults getting upset about their adult children not doing it, to me seems a bit odd.
The people I see most obsessed by it are the ones who weren’t/aren’t great parents anyway.

It's the way people say things though, surely you can see that.
She could have worded it better, been more gentle.
This is how world War three breaks out in families.
Stay tactful unless you want to ruin family family relationships.

Agreed. Not your job to facilitate this but for your DH to just say he'd call him later in the week is really shitty. I imagine realising your son doesn't give a shiny shit is quite hurtful.

YANBU!!
Oh my god, this kind of shit really grinds my gears! My dad passed away nearly 15 years ago, so Fathers Day is only on my radar when the DCs tell me or ask for help getting something for my DP. Your DPs parents sound very similar to my DPs parents and now I'm wondering if you're my sister in law... hahahahah