For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

[summerOnes]

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

I'd be annoyed with you if I was him. It's a crappy joke. Do you always read his messages?

Knew I’d get replies about me going on his phone🤣 no I don’t at all I’ve explained why I did

He and his friend are both sleazy, unpleasant specimens. I'd be grossed out by that conversation.

I think that's lads banter more than anything. Also you can't expect him to never find another female attractive ever again. He's verbalised it in lads banter. If you didn't look at his phone you'd have never known about it.

ah.. well, if you were worried that your partner was needed on the phone, why did you not wake him instead of looking through it?

you know what they say, if you are not going to like what you find, then don't look!

anyhow.. it all sounds pretty normal 'lads' stuff to me.. You've already decided he's an arsehole, that he's cheating, that he's a wrong un.. but honestly, i really think you are really over-reacting.

YANBU. Evidently he was "joking", but it would gross me out for a guy to "joke" about using women as a commodity. It indicates a general lack of respect for women.

Clearly a joke between 2 friends. If you were worried someone was trying to get hold of him urgently. The reasonable thing to do is wake him up & say I think someone is trying to get hold of you.

That would turn my stomach even if it was a joke. What's funny about joking about paying to use a woman's body for sex. I don't think I'd be able to look at him the same way after that.

Wait, so seeing sex workers is the only thing guys have as a hobby?

So many apologists for dickhead behaviour here… yes op it’s unacceptable and embarrassing that your partner would think and talk like that about women. ‘Banter’ or not.

"Fit birds"? Do people still say things like that? Sounds like the script from a 1970s sitcom. Id find it really grim even though it was obviously jokey and realistically no harm in it.

I’m really not bothered about whether or not people think I am BU for going on his phone sorry

is no one going to point out that the OP went to the RED LIGHT DISTRICT with her partner. i assume she wasn't forced, she went to look at the sex workers along with her partner.

so its ok for her to go and look, but its not ok for him?

Music, movies, work, family, life stuff, politics, general world events, sports, etc.

Not paying for sex.

@beckybarefoot well I haven’t said I’d be skint if I went without my partner. Really makes no sense because the problems isn’t him going is it? It’s what he’s said

your partner is disgusting.

WTF is with all the women on this thread saying it’s a joke?! So it’s ok to joke about buying women as if they were a piece of steak in the supermarket. This is fucking rank, violent misogyny.

Having said that you were wrong to look on his phone.

Why do we accept this off men? Why is this ok in the name of banter? How juvenile!

I would feel exactly the same OP

Lads banter, and he was really saying reply quick about a conversation about Amsterdam? I'd be fuming at my privacy being invaded if my DH done that.

Have you been? It's just a few streets in the city, you don't have to go looking for it. Doesn't mean op was up for paying for sex.

oh good lord.. it sounds to me like you actually want to believe all these replies about what a monster your partner is..

men look at other women! women look at other men.. my husband knows that jason statham is my pass... if he knocked on the door, hubby has to close it quiety behind him... its not real.. its never going to happen.. its a bit of fun!

Clearly a joke, you weren't meant to see it. I'm sure there's things you say to your friends that read by someone else would sound at least questionable!

But why? Either they really would be buying prostitutes or at the very least they don't think it's a bad practice to support because it's funny to them. Women having to sell their bodies isn't really joke material in my book, but I suppose it depends what you expect from the father of your kids.