For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

[summerOnes]

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

How do people know it's only a joke? Don't straight men often go to European countries on stag do's to pay for sex? That's what sex workers there say anyway.

It’s not about him “ looking at other women”. It’s about the way he talks about women with his friends- clearly the man is a raging misogynist. Or at least he thinks it’s cool and funny to act like one (which pretty much amounts to the same thing). Not sure why this isn’t obvious to you?

Tell me you haven't been to Amsterdam without telling me you haven't been to Amsterdam...

@Begsthequestion yes i've been thanks... with my partner.. we did go look, we had a great time, we also went to the coffee house's and tried the chocolate brownies, they were awesome.

if my husband has sent messages to any of his mates about what he saw, i would have no idea because a) i don't feel the need to secretly check his phoone and b) i really wouldnt care.

If I was with the sort of bloke that that goes to the pub with his mates every week and is part of a "lads" group then i would expect it. He sounds like that sort so in your situation, I wouldn't care.

My husband is not like that at all and if we went to Amsterdam neither of us would want to go to the Red light district because its sad in a genuinely depressing way and we aren't into sex tourism.

So you need to know what you're shopping for when you pick up a boyfriend.

Im sorry, but you went with him to the red-light District, of course his mate asked about it. Of course he probaby liked what he saw; they are there to entice. Sorry but I think you play silly games you win silly prizes. What did you expect him to think and say?

In your shoes there is no point ruining a sunday by huffing.

How darea he jokes about using prostitutes you both went to oogle at

He’s trying to act hard to his friend. He maybe has to keep up lads banter. You know him best. Is he like this too when he’s with you or not. How was he in Amsterdam. I would say this comment, whilst a bit immature and silly, has obviously hit a nerve.

Very cool.

It's absolutely not how the men in my life talk to each other.

Can the people saying it's just banter please explain the joke. What exactly is funny about purchasing a human body to stick your penis in? I don't get it.

She went with him for a look around. They are both culpable for looking at the women as commodities.

@WantToMakeWorldSilkySmooth I guarantee I didn’t “oogle at anyone” 🤣

In all honesty this would be a deal breaker to me. Not the "fit birds" comment because whatever I'm sure there were attractive women, and not because he walked through the red light district because I mean who cares, but the comment about being skint if you weren't with him. That's a red flag. I couldn't trust him and to be honest I don't see the point of being in a relationship you can't trust.

I think you were unreasonable to read his messages though but I would also be very upset

@GrumpyPanda ... i've been thanks x

This is where we disagree. The problem, in my view, is that you both went to look at the goods (actually, human women), who sell themselves to men based on their looks and got upset that he liked what he saw. It's like taking him to a lapdance club and getting pissy that he got a boner.

The issue is the sex tourism, his banter is a non issue.

now now.. you forgot the they/thems who also sell their wares in amsterdam... how very dare you forget those 😂

To me it sounds like it's quite possible he would pay for sex if he was there alone or with mates.

I don't understand why some people are assuming it has to be nothing but a joke?

Ummm yes! It’s absolutely not ok to talk in such a disparaging and disrespectful way about women, including women who sell sex. And they are not “poor ladies of Amsterdam” they are women, mostly immigrant women, usually in a variety of highly vulnerable situations in which they have few other options other than to sell sex for money. They are not commodities to be joked and laughed at.

I sincerely hope you are not raising boys. (Or girls for that matter).

I said it was possible.

Why are you so sure it's not possible?

Unfortunately I might have said similar to my friend if it was male prostitutes. It's a joke because he really wouldn't have spent all his money on sex workers would he . If you think that men AND women don't say outrageous things for the laugh/shock value you're kidding yourself.

well i guess i forgot the usual MN anhem of LTB! thats what the OP is here to hear anyway so might as well get it over and done with.

I’m surprised at this thread. If women are really excusing this disgusting, disrespectful behaviour as ‘lad’s banter’ then no wonder there’s so many women on here upset about their shit partners.

Ugh, some men.