For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

[summerOnes]

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

I think some posters are a bit naive and happily wave their partners off to far away stag do's really thinking they're not going to sleep with sex workers.

@beckybarefoot what’s makes you so sure of that🤔

so sure of what?

Why do you think it’s ok for men to disparage women for a “bit of bantz”?? Is it ok to be racist if it’s just banter? Homophobic? Ableist? Or is it just women as a group who should put up with being dehumanised in the name of “bantz”.

@beckybarefoot that I want people to say ltb? If I wanted that I wouldn’t have come on here for opinions, I’d just do it. Don’t people always come on here to get other opinions?

No, it isn't. Some men talk to each other like that. It isn't ordinary and it's manky as fuck.

I don't know why it's OP that is getting a hard time when it's her DP that is the one who is behaving badly.
Similarly why is every one assuming it is just banter - sounds to me as though he possibly does use prostitutes and his mate does as well. Even if it is banter it is gross.

Why is what men text to each other about different to what women text each other about?

This crappy 'boys will be boys' narrative is decades out of date, and is just an excuse for unacceptable behaviour in boys and men.

For what it's worth, I text my friends about sex etc, but I don't text them saying I'd pay for sex and cheat on my partner.

what exactly do you want people to say? i'm confused? you don't want people to comment on the fact you looked at your partners phone, and you don't want people to tell you to leave him?

so you actually want people to reassure you that this is 'normal'?

It isn't ordinary and it's manky as fuck.

this

Your partner pays for sex, or would happily pay for sex, even whilst in a relationship. He would or maybe already does, pay for sex with coerced women, who statistically speaking are very very likely to be trafficked or under some form of trauma or duress.

His money (your joint money?) wouldn't buy consent either, because consent cannot be bought, so .. yeah. He would happily pay to rape women, behind your back. Because they are so "fit".

Is that the best man in the world? The best man in your town, even? No. Not even the best man in your street. Is this Mr Pay-per-Rape the best man you can find? No. Of course not. I would definitely split up over this! I would be disgusted and unable to ever see him the same way.

It depends on who he is, I wouldn't expect this from dh so I would divorce him for it but that's because I wouldn't have willingly married a man who talks like that about woman.
However I know there are many men who openly speak like that all the time but I wouldn't be married to them.

This
They both sound like immature idiots tbh.

Yuck. I wouldn’t be happy with that either but I also wouldn’t have looked at his phone.

@beckybarefoot no, I wasn’t sure if I should mention it to him when he wakes up or just to leave it incase I was over reacting. You’re very argumentative

i really am not... as everyone else has said... you should not have been looking on his phone and you are over-reacting.

the only decent thing you can do, its actually tell him when he wakes up, what you have done!

You have a low opinion of men.

It's more of a bonding activity on a stag do, far away from partners and wives. A big secret for big boys. The group all doing it makes it more socially acceptable for them. Less grubby and desperate, more top bants to text one another about after.

I'm surprised with all your knowledge of men that you didn't know this already?

I’ve been on many stag do’s. On each one, every single member of the group has been able to not sleep with any prostitues. It’s almost like we don’t want to do that…

@Begsthequestion what kind of stags do your male friends and relatives go too?

i mean i know i don't go on these stags, but i'm normally aware of what has happened, and of the 3 stags my husband has been too recently, absolutely never was there even a hint of a sex worker?

maybe the men in my life have a different view on women than the men in yours do?

It's a bit icky but I guess if you go to see the red light district it's probably not a surprise that your man has an (icky) joke about it with his friends. If you're that offended by the idea of sex work, why go to see it?

The pickme is strong on this thread