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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make my husband sleep outside.

266 replies

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:13

My husband frequently goes out after work for drinks with his colleagues, boss and the senior leaders at his work. He has a very well paid and respected job, and claims that city culture (London) very much promotes this aspect of his work. I do not have a problem with this, and I do know that much of the networking within his field does come from staying out for drinks and dinner after work.

HOWEVER, my husband never, ever takes a key to our home out with him! He asks me to leave the back door unlocked, which I do not feel comfortable doing as we have three small children, one of which is a baby. Even if it was just me in the house, I would not want to leave it unlocked. My flat was burgled a few years before I met my husband and this has made me even more vigilant about security. I do not understand why he cannot just take a key with him. The last few times he has come home, he has woken me (and probably the neighbours) up by ringing the door bell, calling my phone, knocking on the door. This is all after midnight.

He has just messaged me to say he is on his way home and to leave the back door unlocked. I have told him that if he does not have a key, he will need to sleep on the sofa in the outbuilding as I am not leaving the door unlocked, neither am I prepared to be woken up in the middle of the night to let him in!!

He’s now got really shitty with me telling me I am being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 14/06/2024 23:16

Selfish jerk. YANBU.

Dinosaurpoo · 14/06/2024 23:17

Yanbu

Apileofballyhoo · 14/06/2024 23:18

Why cant he take a key?

StarDolphins · 14/06/2024 23:18

YANBU

pizzaHeart · 14/06/2024 23:19

Does he take a key with him at other times, when he is not going for drinks ? Or does he always leave house without keys?

Calling · 14/06/2024 23:19

He needs to understand that his very late evenings have negative impacts on other people. YaNbu!

SauvignonBlonk · 14/06/2024 23:19

why can he not take a key with him??? Bizarre!

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:20

@Apileofballyhoo I’ve no idea. I can only assume it’s because he grew up in a small village where everyone kept their doors unlocked, and has never had the experience of being burgled.

OP posts:
FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:21

@pizzaHeart If I am not home to let him in he will just leave the back door unlocked, much to my protests.

OP posts:
RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue · 14/06/2024 23:22

What a foolish and selfish idiot he is. I would be refusing to leave the door open and refusing to answer it at stupid o clock when he can be arsed to turn up!

When do YOU get to go out for hours on end of an evening, and roll up when it suits you ???!

Or is it only your husband who is allowed to do this because he is so terribly important, with a massively BIG IMPORTANT JOB?! Hmm

mynameiscalypso · 14/06/2024 23:22

I cannot think of a time when I've ever left the house without my keys. Such bizarre behaviour. He's being an absolute arse though, good for you.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/06/2024 23:22

So he'd rather leave his three small children and wife at risk than inconvenience himself by keeping a door key on himself?

YANBU he is a dangerous selfish twat.

I'd put ear plugs in and go back to sleep.

Calling · 14/06/2024 23:22

Change the lock and don't tell him! 🤣

CannotWaitToBeFree · 14/06/2024 23:23

But you’re awake and hes on the way home now. Just wait up for him but tell him that next time the door will be locked

endoflthelinefinally · 14/06/2024 23:24

Does your insurance company know he leaves the door unlocked? Mine wouldn't cover me if I did that.

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:24

@CannotWaitToBeFree He will be another hour and a half. I’m already in bed and want to go to sleep.

OP posts:
Achdinnae · 14/06/2024 23:25

Get an external key-safe.

somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 14/06/2024 23:25

TomatoSandwiches · 14/06/2024 23:22

So he'd rather leave his three small children and wife at risk than inconvenience himself by keeping a door key on himself?

YANBU he is a dangerous selfish twat.

I'd put ear plugs in and go back to sleep.

This. What a dick.

RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue · 14/06/2024 23:27

FarawayFlower · 14/06/2024 23:24

@CannotWaitToBeFree He will be another hour and a half. I’m already in bed and want to go to sleep.

Go to BED and ignore him when he knocks. He is no more important than you!

And why does his socialising and 'networking' keep him out til 1.00am FFS? Confused

He's mugging you off sorry @FarawayFlower This socialising is fuck-all to do with his job!

TyneTeas · 14/06/2024 23:27

Achdinnae · 14/06/2024 23:25

Get an external key-safe.

He can get one if he doesn't want to take a key

Nottherealslimshady · 14/06/2024 23:29

You live in London and he thinks you should leave the door unlocked?

I get that in village life you don't have to worry as much about security. We have a large amount of land in a village, I often leave my car keys inside my car when parked on our land (yes i know, insurance wouldnt approve). But he's clearly not thick, he can see that London is different to the village he grew up in.

I'd replace the locks with those automatic locking ones so he can't leave the house unlocked when he goes out aswell.

SeaWorkout · 14/06/2024 23:29

Ex h used to leave home without a key despite being asked to take it with him.

The only way he learned was being locked outside when I left to go visit my mum a couple of hours away and he was left in the garden for 5 hours after he finished work.

He moaned that I’d locked him out.
Bybwst of correction, I reminded him that he’d locked himself out.
.

In understanding ex H’s personality now, I can only assume he did it on purpose to stop me going out.

Anyway, from then on he took his key with him!

BardsAreAssholes · 14/06/2024 23:30

Does he know your contents insurance company are unlikely to cover a theft if the house is unlocked?

It’s such a stupid thing to do on so many levels.

Shineabrightlight · 14/06/2024 23:30

This is so unreasonable. It sounds like deliberate behaviour to make your life more difficult.
How is he otherwise in your relationship?Is he always selfish and unreasonable?Does he put the safety of his family at risk in other ways?

Growlybear83 · 14/06/2024 23:33

I would be irritated by my husband not having a key, but I think it's unreasonable not to let him in if he's back by about 1.