To make my husband sleep outside.

[FarawayFlower]

My husband frequently goes out after work for drinks with his colleagues, boss and the senior leaders at his work. He has a very well paid and respected job, and claims that city culture (London) very much promotes this aspect of his work. I do not have a problem with this, and I do know that much of the networking within his field does come from staying out for drinks and dinner after work.

HOWEVER, my husband never, ever takes a key to our home out with him! He asks me to leave the back door unlocked, which I do not feel comfortable doing as we have three small children, one of which is a baby. Even if it was just me in the house, I would not want to leave it unlocked. My flat was burgled a few years before I met my husband and this has made me even more vigilant about security. I do not understand why he cannot just take a key with him. The last few times he has come home, he has woken me (and probably the neighbours) up by ringing the door bell, calling my phone, knocking on the door. This is all after midnight.

He has just messaged me to say he is on his way home and to leave the back door unlocked. I have told him that if he does not have a key, he will need to sleep on the sofa in the outbuilding as I am not leaving the door unlocked, neither am I prepared to be woken up in the middle of the night to let him in!!

He’s now got really shitty with me telling me I am being unreasonable. Am I?

Fairly confident that "get a key safe" will become the new "cancel the cheque"....🙄

Has anyone suggested a key safe yet? 🙄

Great idea 😆@PyongyangKipperbang - why didn’t anyone else think to suggest this?

Seriously though apart from it being completely unnecessary in this situation and the general safety/insurance risks of storing a key outside your property, I also read on another thread that a lot of people with key safes are vulnerable. So apparently having one can also act as a welcome signal to ruthless people looking for an “easy” household to rob.

I can see why it might have to be used in some circumstances but It’s just a terrible idea all round when he is clearly capable of taking his key like any other adult.

It’s absolutely bonkers that so many women would apparently rush to get a key safe for their husbands rather than asking him to be responsible and letting him face the consequences if not.

And if anyone’s bothered to read the update he did sleep in the outhouse and now that he knows Op won’t tolerate this nonsense has now agreed to make sure he has a key.

I thought about that same thread!
Very unpleasant man. Hope this one has come to his senses now.

He's rude yanbu

Surely leaving a door unlocked invalidates your home insurance if you were burgled

He’s a wanker!!!

Regardless of being unreasonable about taking a key or expecting you to leave the door unlocked, can you not leave a key for him under a plant pot or hidden somewhere nearby?
We bought one of those small key safes that have a PIN code to open them. Some people install them next to their front door but we haven't bothered and just hide it behind a pot to make it less obvious - but we know it's safe because of the PIN code. It's been really useful in unplanned situations where either one of us doesn't have a key or if we need to let someone have access such as the cat sitter.
Next problem no doubt will be HE FORGETS THE PIN CODE!!!

My ex used to do this. He would get too drunk that he was unable to get his keys out of his POCKET and instead harass me by throwing things on my window, ringing the bell non stop when I had been up with the baby most nights and he never did one night feed. One day he slept outside again with house keys in his pocket and blamed me.

Unless he works in insurance or commodities broking, not it is NOT expected to go out most nights: the culture of the City has changed hugely since GFC. He just wants to go out and is giving you bull about it being professionally necessary. It's not.

And if he does want to go out drinking then fine (is it?) but he has to take a key and be damn quiet then he comes in.

i would get the door lock changed to one of those that locks automatically when you exit, you have to use a key to re enter, id also get one of those key things (cant rem what called) that you fix to the property in a place no one would think to look with a code to enter.
Problem solved, if he wont take a key theres one outside locked away safely so no need to leave any doors open and if he goes out when your not there the door will lock as he exits.

What an absolute idiot! My husband takes a key even when just going into the London office for the day with no evening plans, just in case! Surely he could just keep a spare key in his bag always?

My DH does not have a door key as he leaves his keys in his van. We live in the country. We have a number lock on the back of the house, need for keys is no longer an issue. Also, I was married to a man who stayed out late all the time for work. Yeah right, he is so mugging you off. Sounds like a very selfish man. Get rid.

Ahwelltoobad, there was another woman treated like a doorman/galley slave/personal assistant by her H, kept poor, demoralised and isolated. I think she and the kids left him, although it was very difficult . Fought her all the way for custody ( but didn't want to have the kids) to avoid maintenance, reneged on childcare so she couldn't work, therefore no income.
It was a couple of years ago and I sincerely hope the poor woman finally has some peace and stability.

@Onautopilot1 Was that the one where he wouldn't let them in because he was on a work call and the daughter had to wee in the garden?

A key? Unless you live in a castle with one of those 2 foot giant keys, he can carry a bloody key! Selfish idiot.
Who would rather his home, with his family inside, was left unlocked all night? Is he a twattish Finance bro??

Well!! There's your answer but I think you probably already knew, you are definitely not being unreasonable, he's putting you and your kids lives in danger, not sure how he can't see this. Put your foot down, either he takes a key or hide it outside somewhere.