To make my husband sleep outside.

[FarawayFlower]

My husband frequently goes out after work for drinks with his colleagues, boss and the senior leaders at his work. He has a very well paid and respected job, and claims that city culture (London) very much promotes this aspect of his work. I do not have a problem with this, and I do know that much of the networking within his field does come from staying out for drinks and dinner after work.

HOWEVER, my husband never, ever takes a key to our home out with him! He asks me to leave the back door unlocked, which I do not feel comfortable doing as we have three small children, one of which is a baby. Even if it was just me in the house, I would not want to leave it unlocked. My flat was burgled a few years before I met my husband and this has made me even more vigilant about security. I do not understand why he cannot just take a key with him. The last few times he has come home, he has woken me (and probably the neighbours) up by ringing the door bell, calling my phone, knocking on the door. This is all after midnight.

He has just messaged me to say he is on his way home and to leave the back door unlocked. I have told him that if he does not have a key, he will need to sleep on the sofa in the outbuilding as I am not leaving the door unlocked, neither am I prepared to be woken up in the middle of the night to let him in!!

He’s now got really shitty with me telling me I am being unreasonable. Am I?

Why is a house key any more difficult to keep on his person than his car key? Or his phone, wallet, credit card?

Good point!

Inconsiderate Prick

He is incredibly selfish and also very silly. I’d hate to be with a man so wilfully neglectful of my and my children’s safety who was happy to endanger me or disrupt my sleep.

I’m baffled by the people saying they live in a “safe” place so keep their doors open though . Bad things can happen anywhere so why risk it? Unless you live on a remote island with no other residents or something I can’t think why you’d think it was ok to leave your door unlocked and even then personally I’d lock it!

I lived in London with a Swedish woman for a few months that kept on forgetting to lock the front door. I spoke to her very sternly on a couple of occasions and it stopped.

Are there other issues in the marriage? Is he considerate and loving otherwise?

My 16 year old keeps his house key in his wallet, and he’s not even an adult.

OP, your husband is a wazzock.

It's actually very controlling behaviour to manage a wallet but not a key, it's like he wants you to be thinking about him at all times even when he's not there.

Are there other things he does that feel similar?

I grew up in a small village in the 90s where nobody locked their doors, and nobody got burgled... until my best friend's family did. And couldn't claim anything on their insurance because the burglar had simply strolled in the unlocked back door. They were left £1000s out of pocket.

Does your DH have any expensive hobbies? Maybe you could arrange for a friend to steal some of his pricey hobby equipment next time he's out (lighthearted obvs)

I grew up in a small village in the 90s where nobody locked their doors, and nobody got burgled... until my best friend's family did. And couldn't claim anything on their insurance because the burglar had simply strolled in the unlocked back door. They were left I£1000s out of pocket.

And they were actually relatively lucky, it could’ve been so much worse.

I’ve read (true) crime stories where the “burglar” has also been a violent sex offender who has decided to rape or attack anyone they encounter on entry.

Growlybear83 · Yesterday 23:33
I would be irritated by my husband not having a key, but I think it's unreasonable not to let him in if he's back by about 1.

It's very unreasonable if you have been in bed since 10.00.
It's not difficult, take a key, use it come in quietly and lock up.

I wonder how many women with young children are frequently out after work networking with colleagues in bars and clubs until the early hours and relying on their children's fathers to let them in because they're too busy and important to carry a house key, although mysteriously able to look after a phone, wallet, work security pass etc.

If I was you OP I would lie in bed gleefully listening to him hammer on the door and ringing the phone, whilst doing absolutely fuck all about it.

Let the selfish twat sleep outside. Hope it rains.

Just get one of these key boxes https://www.argos.co.uk/product/8033653?istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=30f62ea9-9626-4cac-97c8-9ff3921f8558&istItemId=ixilqlprq&istBid=t&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157%7Cacid:804-872-0397%7Ccid:20330964438%7Cagid:%7Ctid:%7Ccrid:%7Cnw:x%7Crnd:4105357169135216828%7Cdvc:m%7Cadp:%7Cmt:%7Cloc:9046643&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=20330964438&utm_term=8033653&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=&utm_custom2=804-872-0397&GPDP=true&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD9II9ldOKOLqqWN6ZGMKsVeenTfs&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI06Pq24fdhgMVfpRQBh0AFAIyEAQYASABEgKUuvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Get a key box installed outside. Banging on the door at that time is very inconsiderate especially waking his own wife and kids up!

He needs an insurance company approved key safe.
If you got burgled and the backdoor was unlocked the claim on insurance would be denied.

YABU to lock him out without any warning, knowing that he never takes his key out and it seems you both have been doing this for some time.

YANBU to tell him that from now on you will be locking up at X time and going to bed so he will either need to take a key, sleep in Tempe out building or make other arrangements.

He is being very unreasonable to expect you to be his butler and always open the door for him. It’s ridiculous for him to think it’s ok to leave a door unlocked. If you got burgled your insurance company would laugh at him if he put in a claim after leaving doors unlocked.

You need to get a lock box for outside - but I can’t see why he can’t take a bloody key, for most people it’s a normal part of leaving the house, phone, keys. What does he do if you’re out when he gets home (when he doesn’t go out)?

If OPs husband works in London, I'm guessing they live in or pretty close to London. You cannot leave doors unlocked or keys under flower pots if that is the case.
Local FB pages are full of people's CCTV/Ring doorbell footage of people walking up people's drives and blatantly trying door handles, and wandering round the side and back of houses to check it out. They nick parcels off doorsteps and check bins, flowerpots etc. This is in broad daylight! No way would I be leaving doors unlocked if I was asleep in the house with three small children.

Your DH is unbelievably selfish. No way would I be getting up to let him in.

My ex husband used to do this, he used to 'forget' to take a key to work meaning I had to drive to his work in my way to work (cabin crew) so he could get in later with the children. It was all control and when I finally stood up and said no I'll leave a key with a neighbour he never did it again.
Yanbu. Let him sleep in the outbuilding

This is the only thing which will solve this issue.

At the moment you are being massively inconvenienced but he is fine - he doesn't care about you sleeping with the door unlocked or waking you up because he sees those things as small.

You need to find a way that this massively inconveniences his so that he starts taking his key.

He is being hugely selfish! I presume he has his wallet and phone, so why can't he take a key.

If he's insisting on not taking a key how about a key safe outside the house for situations when he's out? You could leave it empty at all other times. If that's a no no, then the next time he goes out, have an impromptu stay at a friends or family so he can't wake you asking you to get in

I don't believe it.
Male apologists again. Or are they men?
'Leave a key in the garden, get up and let the poor boy in, hide a key for him, it's alright to leave the door unlocked 24/7 - telling OP it's not rocket science to leave a key outside'
Facilitate the big man, who hasn't the wit to put a key in his pocket and lock up after him.

I’d just go to bed, switch your phone to silent and go to sleep.

He’s an adult, up to him to take keys and get into his house. Not your problem

What an absolute prick. Who cares where he grew up, you live in London now and he needs to take a key. It's hardly big and heavy. He is a selfish man-baby.

We have a shed, which locks with a combination lock. Inside the shed we keep a front door key, just in case we ever forget our keys.

As a pp said though, it's important to put the key back when you've used it.

OP, I would sort a spare key out for your shed, but also stash an old sleeping bag in there to be clear what his options are.

I hope you didn't let him in.