I am getting extremely disappointed with my boyfriend

[Applecake99]

I need some help and advice with my boyfriend, I am getting super frustrated but the most scary part is that I'm getting extremely disappointed with him.

I've reached the point of being too tired to even discuss things with him. I used to try to explain what was making me upset, but now I'm just exhausted. I feel like the person I met a year ago has changed.

Not always, but sometimes, when I talk to my boyfriend, he just ignores me and continues watching TV. When I ask him why he's ignoring me, he says he didn't hear or understand what I was saying. So he decided to ignore me and leave me talking alone instead of asking what I said?

He has become super competitive. I'm not competitive at all, and I don't care if he always wants to win, but it's reached the point where he's constantly telling me to do things his way, and it's exhausting. If I don't know what I'm doing, like fixing something, I'll listen to his recommendations. But sometimes he's telling me how to do my hair, how to cook, and how to make the bed. I'm just exhausted from his comments, and I feel like I do everything wrong.

I know it sounds stupid, but a month ago I started learning how to make pizza dough. I tried a few times but never got it exactly the way I wanted. I was happy with my project; it kept me busy, and it was my thing. A week ago, he also started making pizza, and now he always makes it his way. I'm happy for him, but it made me sad that he took over. I did a lot of research and made a lot of pizza dough, and I was enthusiastic about it, but since he started making them his way, I feel like I have to find another hobby. Not to mention that every time he makes pizza, he says, "This is the best pizza I ever ate," and comments like that just make me sad.

Today I had a terrible backache, I told him that I was going to shower and sleep, and asked him if he could clean the dishes, he said yes, so I went to shower, then I remembered that I left my toothbrush downstairs, and when I went downstairs I saw he put all the dirty dishes in the sink, he left the table dirty, and the floor dirty, I know it's my problem that I cannot sleep leaving the kitchen dirty, some people wouldn't mind and just do the dishes the day after, that's why I always do it myself, I never asked him to do dishes or anything related, but it was just today, (to be specific, the dirty dishes were two plates, one glass, and a pan, something that can be done in less than 3 minutes). I just feel so disappointed, and started washing the dishes myself while crying (he was sleeping in the couch already for a long time)
And no, he was not leaving the dishes to wash the day after, he wakes up with the exact time to shower, get dressed and leave.
or maybe he had the idea that he could wash them tomorrow after work? At 19 when he's back? But he knows me, and knows i wouldn't leave dirty dishes, so he assumed he could leave them there dirty so that i would wash them tomorrow.

Am I being unreasonable here? If so, how would you approach all these little things so I don't get hurt constantly?

If not, how would you handle this, considering that I am extremely tired of discussions?

I always try to talk in a calm way. I don't complain but tell him how his actions made me feel. Still, I don't know who hurt him so much in the past, but he takes every little comment as an attack, so he attacks back, and that's when the nonsense discussions start.

OP, I’m going to be blunt here. You’re one year in. This is still the “honeymoon” phase. This will only get worse, particularly if you have children with this man. Based on his previous behaviours, my prediction with children is that he will criticise your parenting style, ignore you/the children if he’s in a mood, and leave all of the parenting “graft” to you. The experience you’re describing is what I would expect to hear from a worn-down partner, trying to juggle a career alongside multiple children, at the end of her tether after 20 years of marriage, not someone who’s in the “we’ve only been together for one year, so our relationship is super exciting and I can’t wait for the future with my amazing boyfriend.”

What you have to know is that this man knows exactly what he's doing. Seriously. He knows the impact that has on you.

He mocks you deliberately.

You've only been together a year. Can you afford to leave now? Do you have anyone you can stay with? if somebody mocked me I wouldn't even feel I had to tell him I was going. I'd wait for a day when he was at work and I'd be off.

OP you can do so much better for yourself! Please get away from this man, he is sucking the life out of you. Do you really want a lifetime of this? When you could actually be happy either alone or with someone else?

You sounds pretty young OP. It’s only been a year, trust me, it won’t get better. Think have this as a ‘training boyfriend’, learn from the experience and start making your exit plans.

You have only known him for a year and already live together. He is now showing you who he is. It's not going to get any better. Just walk away now.

OP read this post. Then screen shot it and read it over and over again until it sinks in.

I also have trodden this path and I wish I had had someone explain this to me. I didn't get out and I'm here to tell you the longer you're in it the harder it is to leave. Get out now while you are not financially entangled and still have the threads of your self esteem. And then go and work out what it is that makes you believe it's your job to fix horrible, controlling, disrespectful men.

Leave, you’re not compatible. He’s an arse.

He sees . He doesn’t care

He sounds selfish and unkind. And the pizza thing is weird.

He feels inferior for some reason; he is making himself feel better by mocking and belittling you. I recognise this behaviour and have to warn you to gtf out. No matter how hard it is financially to do that, just end the relationship and go. There is always a risk that a woman will get pregnant and that makes everything far more difficult. From the sound of it, he is only with you for purely selfish reasons, ie his own sexual gratification. So many men like this, you deserve better. Being alone is better than that. No relationship is better than a crap one.

in the bin he goes

There is nothing valuable to figure out here other than you have to get out of this awful, destructive relationship. It made me feel really sad and uncomfortable reading about it.

Free yourself @Applecake99 - your life will be transformed and you will have your joy and sense of ease back.

You need to decide if his good points are worth tolerating his bad ones. Because if he's competitive for example, that's who he is, and the only way to deal with that is to ignore/laugh at/not let it bother you if the rest of him is worth it. Ignoring you is really annoying and disrespectful and I'd be challenging that at the time, and if no change would not continue the relationship.
The dishes? Tbh I think you were unreasonable to stand there crying and doing it yourself with a bad back, because that's martyr behaviour and PA, and very disproportionate to a couple of plates and glasses. However, if that was an extreme reaction in response to a last straw situation, you probably need to think about moving on. Because if that's not how you normally are, and this relationship brings that out in you, it's not a great one for you.

In a nutshell he has little respect for you and is trying to turn you into his mother to do all his domestic work for him and will gets his kicks from putting you down. This whole relationship comes across as a lost cause and it is probably time to call it.

p.s. he really does not care how you feel as long as his world is revolving on his terms.

He isn't the one for you.

Everything he's doing is on purpose. He ignores you but not others?
He makes a joke out of you but not others?
He ignores your cleanliness boundaries but not his own?
Was he charming when you first met and now this? The mask is off, he's loved bombed you until now perhaps?

YANBU, you’re not compatible and he sounds difficult to live with. Your comment on the pizza making resonated with me from a past relationship. He would hijack anything I did whether it was a hobby or if I was unwell or angry about something, he’d be even more unwell/angry. It was exhausting.

These habits came to light around 4 months after we go together and grated on me more & more.

I would 100% end it but I’d also have new accommodation lined up to move straight into after the convo. Remember, you don’t have to explain why and have a big discussion, you can simply say the relationship isn’t making you happy anymore and bye!

Your not happy. You can't change him. Find a new place to live

Good luck today, congratulations on getting out. X

You’ve been together a year, it’s taken that time to get to know him, you don’t like what you’re seeing (understandably) so time to consign him to the ex pile. Move out and move on, he’s not the man for you. You deserve better.

Why are you still with him? He sounds like hard work. I’d be worried about him always wanting to do things his way. Ditch him and find someone nicer

He really does sound like a nasty piece of work, and you're only a year in?

Am I being unreasonable here? If so, how would you approach all these little things so I don't get hurt constantly
I would approach it by finishing with him.
He will never let you shine or let you enjoy your moment.
He has started to control what you do, be criticises you, he is negatively competitive with you he doesn't respect you enough to listen to what you have to say and finds it easier to ignore you.

Why on earth would you settle for this shit? Seriously, you can do better than this.
Have better standards for yourself and be proud if who you are and find some who is also proud of you and makes you their star.

This pp gets it. OP, read this closely especially not having to explain or justify yourself when you move out. Because he may try and convince you that that, too is a mistake. Don't give him the opportunity.
Get somewhere lined up, get packed, go.