To be done with this forum..

[Hardknocks]

I don’t know what’s in the water at the moment but I’ve posted a few times on here in the last few months seeking advice and have received nothing but awful, nasty comments that have really upset me, and I am not a sensitive person. I don’t have a close circle of mum friends, I’m not close to my mum either so this is the only place I can come and voice these concerns or feelings.

Nothing I’ve said has been outrageous or contentious, I mainly ask questions about whether particular aspects of my toddlers behaviour is normal, but I’ve been called a bad mum, entitled, lazy and stupid amongst other worse ones. I know (or thought) I wasn’t any of those things, just a mum to a 2 year old navigating this all for the first time.

This forum has really changed in the last few years and I’m not sure why, but it’s not a very nice place to be anymore. If anyone has any suggestions for other forums please let me know… I could really do with the support.

MN is a bit odd about toddlers. I’ve learned not to ask anything as you do tend to get absolutely bonkers advice to be honest.

I think I know your other thread and whilst name is uncalled for, I do think you could have done better. Every parent is a first time parent at one point, and there is a world of resource out there to help you navigate. It’s a learning curve

Ohhh, I feel your pain! Just recently there was a thread from a woman worried why she'd been asked certain questions, by a nurse who was taking her bloods.
The amount of posters who said “Why didn't you ask her?" Thus ignoring the fact that it's usually only after we leave a situation that we have space to think about it.
It's like everyone should have the perfect response in every situation

If she HAD asked, there wouldn't need to be be a thread about it, would there? So what's the point of saying "why didn't you ask?" 🤣

I could only find your Relationship one but I'm assuming if you are having difficulty with a toddler then it might be because of the horrible atmosphere at home. Toddlers are not immune to tensions between their parents, if anything I think they are more sensitive to it.

If it's not that (eg you think they have ASD or something ) then ignore my comment.

Totally agree.
Several times

it is a mix at times, i miss the mums net royalty

Yes @AutumnFroglets I name changed recently due to someone I know using this forum. One of my posts was about suspected ASD, and safe to say it ended with me in tears feeling like I had completely failed my child. I just stupidly think every time I post it’ll be different, but it never is.

There have been some very mean spirited comments on some threads lately. I think some people get a kick out of being cruel or contrarian.

There are some callous, contrary, cruel and just plain thick people on here and a lot more recently. The good parts are still very good but I can understand why it might just be too much to deal with the rest.

I don't know what your threads were OP but I do know I often read threads on here which are quite frankly upsetting because of the way a lot of posters jump in to mock and pour scorn on the worries and concerns of the OP. The impression is some posters actually enjoy making other people unhappy rather than having any empathy and offering supportive advice or comments.

It’s been particularly nasty the last couple of weeks. YANBU. Sorry people were crappy to you. I think some people love hiding behind a screen and using it as an excuse to be nasty, it’s them not you.

I have deleted my account several times because I've been upset at the responses.

When you are genuinely asking for help and advice and everyone piles on. I've had people say my kid is horrible and won't have any friends, when actually she's absolutely lovely and has loads of friends, but everyone on Mumsnet was acting like she's a serial killer.

People are nasty on here for absolutely no reason. I've probably come across 1 person in my life that's spoken to me like shit, and yet just judging by Mumsnet, around 70% of the population are like that! People hide behind their phones and write all sorts of horrible things when in real life they wouldn't say boo to a goose.

Pathetic behaviour.

I agree and I would call it out if I see it. I use mumsnet for about 5 or 10 per cent of users I can talk to normally

I think there is still kind and thoughtful advice out there, but there are definitely a depressing number of posters who seem to enjoy undermining people.

You really just have to learn to skip over the vipers, and try not to take it personally.

Some people are mean for the sake of being mean. Once one starts others join in.

Yep. MN can be wonderful, but there does seem to be an element who seem to enjoy giving someone else a good kicking. It's worse on other forums, from what I've seen.

Ahhh, sorry to hear that. I know nothing about ASD so won't comment on that but I do know about being in a horrible relationship where you feel trapped. It sounds like you are being overwhelmed from multiple directions so maybe take a deep breath and focus on the easier problems and get them semi-sorted first. This will give you more time and strength to deal with the bigger problem (your child) that is likely to last for years before being anywhere near resolved.

Get to a solicitor and start that particular ball rolling. He's only going to drag you down more.

Is there a way to get these people banned?

People are asking for constructive advice and instead they end up with a barrage of abuse. It's really not on.

Thank you - it’s really reassuring to know I’m not the only person feeling this way. MN was actually really helpful when I fell pregnant and I posted a lot in the TTC threads, and early pregnancy when I was worried about miscarriage and the support was wonderful, but roll on 2 years and my goodness you post something and get your head ripped off. I find my HV particularly unhelpful and scroll back through past threads to try and find my answers before posting, but unfortunately I just don’t have those seasoned mums around me that can be so helpful in these early years.

I’m sorry that you’ve been treated badly on here. Some people are very quick to jump on others, putting them down and totally lacking in empathy. Saying that though there are also lots of helpful advice and genuine concern from others.

This section of MN is underused, underated and underappreciated

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/flouncers_corner

It's always been a bit like this but gotten worse lately.
Years ago, I posted about a homeless person who was asking for money 'because he was hungry'. I bought him some food in the shop and he shouted at me to give some fucking money, he didn't want food. Was IBU to offer him food and not money.
I got completely slated on here, because what if he had allergies and how dare I just buy him food without asking him if he was allergic. Bonkers!

I think Facebook parenting groups are kinder, probably because they aren’t anonymous.

There are a lot of people on here. Blokes especially who are commited to being down Mumsnet from the inside. Men can't stand women talking amongst themselves.

This combined with people who aren't getting laid regularly and are unhappy in their lives makes a bit of a toxic soup.

You need a very thick skin to post threads I think and learn to swerve and ignore a lot of them. If they're personal attacks then report and ignore. If you don't feed them, they become obvious and shoot themselves in the foot.

I have noticed this too OP. Also I’ve noticed a lot of posters aren’t very good at letting the OP vent if that’s what they need to do- they jump straight to solutions. And the advice can be very condescending. So for example someone posted recently about not knowing what to do with their young kids in this dreary weather & they got accused of lacking imagination & told that ‘there’s no such thing as bad weather only bad clothes.’ Also posters saying they would have a whole roster of activities planned & they never had that problem of coming up with ideas. I realise that’s a pretty tame example but I see it played out on a lot of threads & it really annoys me!