To be done with this forum..

[Hardknocks]

I don’t know what’s in the water at the moment but I’ve posted a few times on here in the last few months seeking advice and have received nothing but awful, nasty comments that have really upset me, and I am not a sensitive person. I don’t have a close circle of mum friends, I’m not close to my mum either so this is the only place I can come and voice these concerns or feelings.

Nothing I’ve said has been outrageous or contentious, I mainly ask questions about whether particular aspects of my toddlers behaviour is normal, but I’ve been called a bad mum, entitled, lazy and stupid amongst other worse ones. I know (or thought) I wasn’t any of those things, just a mum to a 2 year old navigating this all for the first time.

This forum has really changed in the last few years and I’m not sure why, but it’s not a very nice place to be anymore. If anyone has any suggestions for other forums please let me know… I could really do with the support.

😂

Hm.
Sorry, OP.
I got ear-bashed for not having kids and a husband who is three decades older.
Nasty, careless gold digger (for 20 years).
Oh well, do you really need to be done with MN, though?
🍕❤️😜

😂

Is it because you only focus on the negative comments though? Because I notice some people get some great advice as well as a bit of bad. But only comment on the bad ones I stead of thanking g the good ones. Some peoples glass is always half empty.

Yes I really did that! Because Im a positive upbeat person & I love sharing it 😊 I love to hear what little things brighten peoples day, I myself notice the little things even when life feels dark. There’s enough negativity in the world and half of it’s on mumsnet I reckon, so I was happy to read the responses 😃

🤣🤣🤣👏🏼

I think there is a difference between getting advice that you don’t agree with and deliberately nasty posts. I can see that there are some posters now that just want to bully the OP or pick fights. I guess that they are very unhappy in their lives and that is why they do it so I haven’t responded when it has happened to me, I can see from other threads that they do it to provoke a reaction. But if it stops a women in need of getting help and good advice, then that is a real shame as that is was this site was set up for and good at years ago.

Back in 2005 I found it light hearted and less aggressive, definitely.
These days I seem to visit less and less. Hard had at the ready and all that.
It's a weird place is MN. I enjoyed this forum much more 20 years ago but I could say that about other aspects of my life too!

I can understand what you mean. There's some particular threads especially ones surrounding SAHM/working mums that bring out all sorts of nasty comments from both sides with some people completely unable to understand the circumstances that make people make the choices they want to.

I also see it as well on threads about older mums and horrible agesim on there. People being called selfish and all sorts of manner of things. For people like me who are considering a 2nd baby at 37, can be really hard to read!

Yeah, it’s weird. I’d never post here if I was particularly emotional and looking for reassurance. Some people are kind and measured but there are people who delight in being contrary and mean spirited. I guess they’re not particularly happy themselves.

And now I wish I’d not said particularly twice. There will be people judging my vocabulary 😂

I'll probably get banned for saying this but I think MNHQ have some new mods who are failing the forum, massively. Sorry but that's just my guess & my opinion

Disclaimer - I have absolutely zero proof that MN have new mods, it's just a guess based on changes to moderation that I've witnessed

But surely this is the natural consequence of a site with many million different users.

I seems odd to me that people complain that they get different responses to the same question, as if Mumsnet were one person who keeps changing her mind. But really it's thousands of people, each with a different opinion.

So, for example, in the joint/separate finances situation mentioned upthread, some people feel that it's better to have joint finances and others feel separate is better. OK, some people make their arguments a bit too forcefully, but we're not all experienced debaters.

It's not one person 'gaslighting'; it's just different people having different opinions.

So much nastiness on AIBU threads today. I’ve seen at least 4 where I’ve thought wow at the comments

I suppose Mumsnet is a reflection of society in general and some people have become less polite, less aware of others, less patient etc. There is still a lot of good out there though and my teens and adults are a lot nicer and more supportive to each other than my generation were. And there is still a lot of good on Mumsnet, especially if you avoid AIBU and post on specific boards.

I have been on here forever and have learned a lot from other posters when my dc were babies and toddlers right through to the teenage years. And there is still very intelligent debate on the politics and feminist boards. And great travel advice! I have great affection for the place! And I think it receives a lot of criticism for a board which is free to use.

Most of all though, I think Mumsnet provides a very important space where women’s voices can still be heard and if we want to maintain it as such, we need to be brave enough to call out the nastiness.

Above all, I think the right wing press has been a malign, pervasive influence on British society - spreading division, fear, black & white thinking - and I think you can see its influence here on Mumsnet unfortunately.

It's more that it always seems to go the opposite way from the OP, nearly every time. It doesn't seem to be a balance of different views as most tend to be opposite to the OP rather than an equal distribution.

Just ignore the nasty, vile posters but mark my words, they will then try posting abuse at you along with their chums!! Just keep on ignoring them, they will eventually give up

Never forget its not abusers site, the site belongs to MN. Therefore, if you want to ask a question, ask, but be prepared for many genuine responses that you may not like and ignore the shit stirrers!!

I've found many helpful posters here and some have even pm's me as I have sincerely thanking them

IMO, MN has good Genral health forums for adults and more importantly for kids where reading the posts can be reassuring when others have gone through similar and good results at the end of the day!!

OP, some of these posters are so nast y they may be 40/50/60+ years old the langue they post at times is disugting and the sneering, the backslapping is awful - but never forget that is how they get their kicks and if you don't acknowledge them - trust me, it is the right thing!!

you can also air stuff that you cant discuss with people you know IRL

So op, ignore them op and you carry on posting!!!

People ought to try being a moderator for a week to appreciate how difficult it is to get right. Especially on a forum like this with highly opinionated and demanding punters.

Over-moderate and you're accused of shutting down democratic debate
Under-moderate and you're accused of allowing comments to slip through for an easy life etc
You just can't win.

You'll never please all of the people all of the time and will get blamed endlessly whichever decisions you make.

Rather them than me!

Mumsnet isn't moderated though.

Huh?

I've been on MN under different name changes for quite a few years now.
Far too many keyboard warrior's who are "right", in their own opinion.
No empathy, and glad they're not my friends.

Would you like me to say it another way?

Yes please!

Mumsnet is self moderated.