To be done with this forum..

[Hardknocks]

I don’t know what’s in the water at the moment but I’ve posted a few times on here in the last few months seeking advice and have received nothing but awful, nasty comments that have really upset me, and I am not a sensitive person. I don’t have a close circle of mum friends, I’m not close to my mum either so this is the only place I can come and voice these concerns or feelings.

Nothing I’ve said has been outrageous or contentious, I mainly ask questions about whether particular aspects of my toddlers behaviour is normal, but I’ve been called a bad mum, entitled, lazy and stupid amongst other worse ones. I know (or thought) I wasn’t any of those things, just a mum to a 2 year old navigating this all for the first time.

This forum has really changed in the last few years and I’m not sure why, but it’s not a very nice place to be anymore. If anyone has any suggestions for other forums please let me know… I could really do with the support.

Thread police delete threads for fun with no rhyme or reason.

I was going to say, the only real time I see answers about parenting truly get out of hand on here is when neurodivergence is involved. The gobsmacking amount of ignorance on MN about autism is something to behold, like we suddenly time traveled back to the Victorian era. And don’t even get me started on having to explain that you’re a carer and a parent to your child, that’s like a red flag to a bull….

I think that might have been my thread @Peanutbutterfan . People mean well but honestly the suggestions that apparently MN toddlers find a hoot just - aren’t. Apparently a really exciting day if you’re a MN toddler is jumping in puddles and getting piss wet through, having a bath with disco lights then getting the sofa cushions off the sofa and leaping around on them.

I don’t want to disparage kindly meant advice but that day would depress the absolute hell out of me.

Don't worry. I got told I needed to be eradicated from society because I put poo bag in a skip. Then told I take and give nothing back. Completely bonkers because my job is the most giving you can get ! Crazy.

Is there a Tongue Tie Practitioner who will see you both sooner?

Agree.

Though also seen threads turn nasty at any mention of trying to navigate relationships with in-laws or older relatives now you are a parent.

Or if anyone ever dares comment about drivers who do not have blue badges or are not with young children using parent and child bays. Apparently all those poor young men driving vans all have hidden disabilities that for some obscure reason do not qualify for a blue badge and they should be allowed to park in the 'it is just a courtesy spot anyway' parking bays designed for parents trying to get kids in car seats in and out safely.

Sorry, trying not to rant. But there does seem to almost be an anti new mum vibe to a lot of the nastier comments on some threads.

See every time I think I’m done, all the level headed lovely users come out and convince me there are good people left on MN 😂

There can be nasty comments on here, and the worst are those who will read an awful comment, and then jump in, like putting the boot in. Bullying. But there are helpful comments amongst the shit OP, and you just have to sift through and ignore the shitty ones. They look for a reaction so just ignore. Bullys survive on you giving oxygen to their words, so just dont react.

Sorry I've put that on totally the wrong thread by mistake. Sorry OP.

That’s okay @CadyEastman I thought as much 😂 although thankfully it was a lovely comment hey 🤣

The help I had with some things in RL when mine were small was truly shocking. So sometimes I do like to try and help some others going through similar stuff.

The amount of nasty posters that seem to deliberately try to pick a fight is shocking.
I personally think that these people are like wee mice in reality and scared stiff to say anything to another persons face. On here however they can pretend to be this big, assertive person they will never be.
Mumsnet really need to tighten up on the ones who are nasty on a regular basis and boot them out!

I haven’t been a member for long but yes, I’ve been surprised at the nasty responses some people write simply because they see things differently.

You can disagree, even strongly, without being a dick. A lot of what is written is to purposefully be offensive, but I personally scroll right past these posts because I think whatever point the poster is trying to make is totally undermined by their delivery. I’m not interested.

Ultimately, it’s just an online forum so I actually find the ones spending their personal time trying to be overly aggressive and nasty to strangers on the internet just rather quite sad…

Glad that's cleared up I was trying to work out if it had a double meaning and was a mean comment😂
I'm an oldie, never started a thread but try to help if I can with baby, toddler questions having brought up my brood, but sometimes you then get attacked for your kindly intended suggestions by sarcastic posters. I think if you need the help keep posting @Hardknocks and just ignore 'the mean girls' (although I suspect some of them are men!)💐

Blame the weather, we're all having a crap summer. My husband is being an absolute bear. I'm tiptoeing around him as are the children. He hates this weather.

Maybe try Peanut, it’s not anonymous which makes a huge difference.
Very toxic crowds here in some of the forums, I hope people are not like this in real life face to face.

There is a definite 'hiding behind a mob' thing about Mumsnet. But I've been kicking around here for twenty years and it's always been like that. The first few responses will be measured. Then, once there is a consensus for and against, battle lines are drawn and the arguments get more and more polarised and cartoonish. I like the voting feature because it allows you to add your opinion without getting involved in the fray. The results of an Aibu vote provide a good barometer. In an argument it is best to ignore the voices shouting across from the edges!

People get brave because they are behind a screen, using an unidentifiable username in the comfort of their own home.

They probably lead incredibly sad and lonely lives. Their only excitement comes from being passive aggressive, sarcastic and condescending to others. Classic bullies.

I remember 20ish years ago joining a message board (not this one) asking for advice on how to support a relative who’d been recently diagnosed with depression
what I got was a pile on of people telling me how self absorbed I was and how I was only thinking of myself and if I really cared about the relative I’d have known they were depressed before and done something about it
that I wasn’t close to the person therefore it wasn’t my business and I was trying to make myself feel good by “helping”

it honestly shaped me about what I’ll share personally and what I won’t.
people get caught up in the drama and “telling it like it is” and forget there’s a real person on the other side of the screen.

I remember your thread. It was bonkers what people were saying!

You’re absolutely right OP. I take solace from the fact that when someone makes a really unnecessary nasty comment there’s usually someone who swiftly responds with a good put down.

There may also be deliberate trolling from individuals who for whatever reason dislike women and who will object to strong minded, independent females thinking for themselves and discussing various key issues. These individuals will set out to stir up trouble, turning posters against each other and undermining them in the hope that the thread will be completely derailed.

75% of people agree with you so take strength from that!

I’ve been here a long time and it’s definitely got worse recently. MNHQ need to start cracking down on it, maybe a 3 strikes and you’re out policy? Or stop the name changing aspect unless you ask MN for an anonymous name for starting private/sensitive posts?

I’m on a thread at the moment where a mum is worried about her teenage son going abroad for the first time and has asked for tips and reassurance. My God, the replies she’s got saying she hasn’t brought him up properly and needs to take medication for her anxiety. It’s completely 🦇 💩.

YANBU. It has surprised me, lately, how petty and mean some of the replies are. I keep wondering if it’s bored kids, mean teenagers- the replies are so emotionally unintelligent, like schoolyard bullies.
you’re not alone. I’m not wanting to spend time here, lately… it’s not worth it.

While I do call it out, there’s a couple of posters recently that are doing it to wind people up and those ones are better ignored I think.

You know, while there’s a place for Flouncers Corner direction comments, I don’t think this one deserves it. It comes across somewhat like the posts she’s calling out.