This school mum is really pissing me off now !!!

[bigca]

She's so judgemental I feel.

She came to my house for a play date with her child, before I really knew what she was like of course...

She pulled me up on a couple of things I said about my DD. I posted about it at the time. I think I said she can be a bit stubborn and she told me not to say it. A couple of other similar comments. She also went all out praising her child A LOT.

Anyway, I decided there and then that I will never have a play date again ( unless requested by my child of course ).

I continue to be polite, but she's really grating on me now. She's always saying she can't understand my DD.

Yesterday my DD said my name. She said ' my mummy's name is Amelia ' to which the lady was like: ' I thought your name is Emilia '. Or some minor BS. My DD says my name just fine, I responded and said ' it's Amelia ' just like she said. To which she said ' no she said Emilia. It sounded like Emilia '. ( names changed of course ). The long and short of it is that however my DD said it, is how my name is said, she was just being nit picky. She also told my DD off because my DD found a loud noise funny.

Then today she was again hanging around us and my DD said something else- to which the mum asked me again ' what did she say ? ' she keeps not being able to understand my child and it's pissing me off. My DD wasn't even talking to her.

We went on a school trip the other day and she was also there. She just kept picking up on small things and making fun of me not being able to look after my group. I had the youngest kids in my group and sometimes I had to herd them along a bit. She had fewer children in her group and thought she was nailing it compared to me, of course.

I get the feeling she judges my DD all the time now, especially because she keeps saying she doesn't understand what she's saying.

Anyway, she really pisses me off now and I keep having to see her around. I don't know how I'm going to shut her up. But I'm afraid one day I am just going to snap and be quite direct with her.

In my head it will go something like : ' sorry, do you realise how terribly judgemental you come across ? ' ' you're constantly making nasty comments about my parenting and also judging my child. Can you just back off ? '

I hope they're not in the same class next year. They're both only 4 and start reception in September.

Today I just kind of didn't say hi when she walked past. I looked at her and then looked away. She tried to say hi but I kept walking.

I was lucky enough not to see her at pick up and only saw her at drop off.

You say this is normal for primary school- does it stop at secondary then ? Hope so !

I'm friendly with a few of the parents and no one else seems like this, yet.

It does get better as they get older going through primary school. As they form friendships groups, as at the beginning you will be invited to all the children’s party’s and bits. Then you will see how the children behaviour.

Look quizzically at her and just calmly in a questioning tone say “I’m trying to work out if you’re INTENDING to come across as critical and judgemental”? And then silence, just sit and wait for an answer. She’ll say no and then will probably avoid you.

Yeap crazy parent loool

just stay away. Do like everyone, stare intently at … your group, the door of nursery, your phone… and do not engage eye contact with her. Even better, find the group she is allergic to (there will be one) and go right next to them.

crazy are out there…avoid, avoid, avoid.

Yeah, no.

don’t rock the boat op. Seriously, crazy is enough…you don’t need crazy mad. Your kid will have to be with hers at some level and it is for years.

Well done OP, it can be just easier to pointedly avoid and ignore.
If she asks why, you can deny anything, whatever works for you, BUT just keep avoiding her.
No parent would tolerate their child's speech being corrected or mocked.

Headtilt.

'My goodness, it must be terrible to be losing your hearing so young.'

As soon as you said ‘she is trying to get a job at the school’ I was taken back 10 or so years ago when a mum of a child in my ds class got a job as a TA. It was purely so she could keep an eye on her kids, she was always so unprofessional and would talk about things that went on at school and speak judgementally about some of the kids! She was up every teachers backside and swanned around like she owned the place! Stay well away op, she’s got an agenda!!!

Be blunt like you mention, some Mums just haven’t matured and cannot be nice. Just avoid them and put them back into line if needed.

I think you are doing absolutely fine! A quiet child is not always better. Each child is unique.
I had an annoying parent like this, always judging me and my child. If she’s going to make a scene just keep blanking her like today. She’ll get the message hopefully.
It’s your house, so you’re entitled to invite who you want. But in my experience I wouldn’t have the play dates in your house. I would go to a neutral place like soft play or a picnic in a park.
My house was the one the mums came to but where are they now? Abandoned me when I stopped doing favours.
I’ve not been able to make a proper friend with any of the school mums.

Don’t say a word , silence is King big smile and walk away, think long-term ramifications good luck there’s some of these bloody women around

I always feel like people like this want a reaction.

It shows that they got under your skin, which is what they want.

However, I do want her to stop.

@bigca she needs to listen more carefully or have a hearing test. Stay away from her because it's going to blow up.

She’s making herself feel better. It’s probably jealousy.

Don’t play any mind games like she is doing to you, don’t answer back in a joking way or anything like that. What is it with people? Why can’t we just say it as it is?

Take her aside, out of earshot of your children or anyone else, and ask her straight out what is going on? Tell her that her negative comments are upsetting and that you want to know why she is making them and that you are finding it very difficult and annoying. Tell her everything seemed fine until she came to your house, so what changed? If she says what do
you mean, tell her the same examples you have given us. If she tries to deny it or goes on the defensive then at least you tried. No need to tell her to “fuck off” in temper or ignore her without explaining why.

If nothing changes after this conversation, then you can legitimately avoid her, say no to her if she asks to meet up for play dates, etc.

You need to say look can I have a word. Say "She may only be 4 but she has ears and your damaging her confidence (because she is). You say she's been in nursery for x amount of years and in that time no issues with her speech have been raised. None of her friends or family have any issues either. Then say "she's started asking me why you can't understand her when everyone else can and I don't know what to say to her".

She will stop she will be mortified. She will probably avoid you from then on which Is great!

She's basicly bullying a child. If she truelly can't understand her she needs to stop talking to her. End of story.

I would avoid her, this type of person can be very hard work. I would politely tell her not to, reasonably and assertively, if she is being critical of you or your child. I have had someone who got under my skin and gradually started to take over my life. I wish I had avoided her after my very first assessment. It is hard to shake them off later.

She’s jealous of you! Ignore! Take it as a compliment that she’s clearly riled by you and distance yourself.

And you are still seeing this woman why!!

I don't go out of my way to see her. It just happens at school.

I’d avoid her and next time she suggests a play date just say no thanks or suggest you have her child and not her and only if your child wants it. If she asks if everything is ok, you could say you seem to misunderstand everything my child says so I won’t put you in that position again, smile and move on. Be sure that it’s her and not you, I’ll bet other people avoid her. There is a similar mum at my child’s school. I see her heading towards other groups of mums who are chatting away happily and they part like the Red Sea to avoid her. Have seen her leeching joy out of the loveliest of women. Life is too short to hang around people who are a pain in the arse!

I know I’m late to the thread, but the comment “ considerably better than you” just puts me in mind of the Harry Enfield sketch from ages ago. Yes, I’m showing my age now LOL.

Next time she says ‘what did she say’ reply with ‘oh, hearing does get harder with age! Have you thought about a hearing test ha ha’.

By telling her things about your DD you're saying it's ok for her to comment. Keep it to yourself if you don't want her opinion. I had a friend I used to confide in and didn't realise I was giving her the impression I wanted her unsolicited advice. I had to stop seeing this friend because she completely took over. Good luck OP!

I'm afraid I'd be blunt with her, & next time she criticises your parenting, just say, thanks for your opinion but you should really be concentrating on your own parenting. If she says anything about not understanding your dd say well the important people in her life understand her so there's no issue. Then walk away & don't look back.