This school mum is really pissing me off now !!!

[bigca]

She's so judgemental I feel.

She came to my house for a play date with her child, before I really knew what she was like of course...

She pulled me up on a couple of things I said about my DD. I posted about it at the time. I think I said she can be a bit stubborn and she told me not to say it. A couple of other similar comments. She also went all out praising her child A LOT.

Anyway, I decided there and then that I will never have a play date again ( unless requested by my child of course ).

I continue to be polite, but she's really grating on me now. She's always saying she can't understand my DD.

Yesterday my DD said my name. She said ' my mummy's name is Amelia ' to which the lady was like: ' I thought your name is Emilia '. Or some minor BS. My DD says my name just fine, I responded and said ' it's Amelia ' just like she said. To which she said ' no she said Emilia. It sounded like Emilia '. ( names changed of course ). The long and short of it is that however my DD said it, is how my name is said, she was just being nit picky. She also told my DD off because my DD found a loud noise funny.

Then today she was again hanging around us and my DD said something else- to which the mum asked me again ' what did she say ? ' she keeps not being able to understand my child and it's pissing me off. My DD wasn't even talking to her.

We went on a school trip the other day and she was also there. She just kept picking up on small things and making fun of me not being able to look after my group. I had the youngest kids in my group and sometimes I had to herd them along a bit. She had fewer children in her group and thought she was nailing it compared to me, of course.

I get the feeling she judges my DD all the time now, especially because she keeps saying she doesn't understand what she's saying.

Anyway, she really pisses me off now and I keep having to see her around. I don't know how I'm going to shut her up. But I'm afraid one day I am just going to snap and be quite direct with her.

In my head it will go something like : ' sorry, do you realise how terribly judgemental you come across ? ' ' you're constantly making nasty comments about my parenting and also judging my child. Can you just back off ? '

I hope they're not in the same class next year. They're both only 4 and start reception in September.

She seemed so lovely at first. We spoke all the time at pick up and I really couldn't have predicted how she'd be until she came to my house. Since then, she's just horrible, almost every time I see her. And I try to stay out of her way as much as I can, because I don't like her at all now.

Just tell her she’s a goady cow and to fuck off. These types always start like this and then use your politeness against you. Just go scorched earth on her.

Do it loudly near other parents tell her you are fed up with the nasty passive aggressive comments about your child and what kind of goady bitch says things like that about a 4 year old and tell her to fuck off. Others will avoid her too then.

I think it's interesting that she didn't show her true colours until she came to your house, maybe your home sparked some jealousy in her and now she's acting like a total bitch to make herself feel better.

I'd give her a wide berth and if she asks I'd just say "you have been making rude comments about my DD and my parenting and I don't want to listen to someone being superior and patronising. You may not realise how you come across but I think it's better if we cool it now"

I've thought about that. I really had NO idea she was going to be like this at all. We've been regularly chatting for months and texting occasionally. It did cross my mind that it's my house.

She made a huge point about how tiny her house is, compared to mine. It was uncomfortable.

I have a dear friend who went through something very similar for years. Started when they met when both their oldest dc's were in nursery/pre-school and ended up in reception at the same school. It went on for years and got worse when that mother got a part time job at the school. Always making comments, correcting friend's children, acting like she knew far more. It stopped only when friend put in some firm boundaries basically telling her to stop and that the comments weren't appreciated - this was after years, and eventually other mother got a job at a new school and friend went back to work full time and her DC were then in wrap around (year 2 and up) so she didn't bump into her. Interestingly she mentioned this person to me recently and she said she wishes she'd stood her ground years earlier rather than just staying quiet.

In my friend's case the other person was definitely trying to establish herself as queen bee and like your situation perhaps it was a front for feeling a bit like she had less of other things compared to the other mothers. Maybe that and eager to have a place for herself? Not sure. Friend's reflection is she's a kind person and once there was no opportunity to compare children (b/c they were older, separate secondary schools, b/g etc.) it was nice to occasionally bump into one another. But those years at primary? She was the bain of my friend's existence!

Bring some earphones with you to places she will be in close proximity. As soon as she starts talking you put them in. Every time.

She will get the bored eventually.

Strange that this lady also worked at the school, because the mum I am talking about, is really trying to get a job at the school too.

I'm going to have to say something to her, because I will not go through this for years. When she next strikes, I will tell her I stop.

I would ask kindly, if she has had a hearing test recently, as everyone else understands your daughter, and maybe she is not hearing the whole spectrum of sound. And ask her not to keep saying that she can't understand your daughter, as it will destroy her confidence. My mother used to say she was deaf, when she couldn't understand my brother, who was very slow to talk, because he would get very frustrated.

"Oh do fuck off, dear"

"I can't understand your daughter"

"That's alright, she wasn't talking to you"
"I understand her just fine"
"Your ears needing checked?"

Op, stick up for your daughter.

She will have an awful teenager on her hands, and say, no never, not mine, while he’s smoking weed and getting drunk

I was going to suggest " fuck off, love" but this is lovely

Turn it back on her every time. She comments on your child, “you do realise she is 4” “that didn’t sound very kind are you ok?” She sounds a toxic jealous type back away….

Then if she continues after that ask her if she’s hard of understanding.

She learly doesn't have enough going on in her own life to feel validated - if she did then she wouldn't feel the need to put you and your DC down.

Get a card from boots or sept savers opticians.

Next time she says "what did she say?"

Reply "gosh, I'm so worried about your hearing - I suggest you get it tested. Here's the number to a recommended local hearing test centre" <hand her said card>

I think I'd be turning to her and saying, 'could you pull your fucking head in? Go find someone else to put up with your shit, because I have more than done my stint of doing it!'

I think she’s jealous and insecure of you and wants you to feel insecure too hence the little put downs. I find people like this want to know they’ve got to you so sometimes being oblivious is the most annoying thing for them.

like others have said when she says she can’t understand your dd just respond with asking if all is okay with her hearing because she’s never had someone not understand her like this. Then give her a patronising pat and tell her she can self refer to audiology if needed.

turn all the comments into positives and be annoying upbeat and not remotely negative cos it’ll really piss her off.
‘oh your dd really shouldn’t run ahead’
’oh I know! She’s unbelievably fast! I wish I had half her speed!’

anything about your dd being loud or dramatic - say oh I know! She’s got bags of confidence!

that kind of thing. I’d probably quite enjoy it if it were me 😂

If she pretended not to understand something again I'd probably make a comment implying she had a hearing impairment (obviously not saying that this is a bad thing but just putting the onus on her).

So if she said "what did she say?" I'd reply "oh I don't think she was talking to you", and then I'd pull her to the side and say "a close friend of mine struggles with her hearing as well if you ever need any extra help or support in a group and you don't want to make it obvious just ask me and I'll try and repeat things loudly for you." When she inevitably denies all problems act shocked and upset that you've offended her and say she's the only person you've ever come across who asks your DD to repeat things multiple times.

Is her DD her only child? I confess when I had my first, who is also very calm and compliant by temperament, I made a few comments to friends with more spirited kids that were positively twattish in hindsight. Then I had my second child and realised that my first child's excellent behaviour had fuck all to do with my great parenting and was actually just because he happens to be very calm and sweet.
So she may come back to you with her tail between her legs if she ever has another child..!

Chin down, eyebrows up, a hard stare, and say 'wow. Really?'

I'd start making faux concern about her hearing. Oh could you really not understand her? That's odd, I heard her fine. Perhaps you should get it checked out, there's no reason to suffer with hearing loss you know, not these days. Speak up DD, friend is a little deaf, you have to be loud for her. Really lay it on thick and piss her off and hopefully she'll stop talking to you.

She made a huge point about how tiny her house is, compared to mine. It was uncomfortable.

Ding ding! She’s intimidated/jealous and trying to take you down a peg or two.

Honestly, I think you need to address it one way or the other. Make it clear that you see her targeting you and your child and you’re not going to put up with it. Whether that’s done nicely or telling her to fuck off is up to you!

These people need standing up to. Next time she says something I'd probably say something like 'did you mean to be so rude?' while maintaining direct eye contact. Or just throwing stuff back at her like 'you seem to the only person who cannot understand her - maybe you need a hearing test?'

She's not from a different cultural background is she? I have a few friends who can be rather direct/annoying in their observations about parenting but it's just normal in their culture to say things like that.