This school mum is really pissing me off now !!!

[bigca]

She's so judgemental I feel.

She came to my house for a play date with her child, before I really knew what she was like of course...

She pulled me up on a couple of things I said about my DD. I posted about it at the time. I think I said she can be a bit stubborn and she told me not to say it. A couple of other similar comments. She also went all out praising her child A LOT.

Anyway, I decided there and then that I will never have a play date again ( unless requested by my child of course ).

I continue to be polite, but she's really grating on me now. She's always saying she can't understand my DD.

Yesterday my DD said my name. She said ' my mummy's name is Amelia ' to which the lady was like: ' I thought your name is Emilia '. Or some minor BS. My DD says my name just fine, I responded and said ' it's Amelia ' just like she said. To which she said ' no she said Emilia. It sounded like Emilia '. ( names changed of course ). The long and short of it is that however my DD said it, is how my name is said, she was just being nit picky. She also told my DD off because my DD found a loud noise funny.

Then today she was again hanging around us and my DD said something else- to which the mum asked me again ' what did she say ? ' she keeps not being able to understand my child and it's pissing me off. My DD wasn't even talking to her.

We went on a school trip the other day and she was also there. She just kept picking up on small things and making fun of me not being able to look after my group. I had the youngest kids in my group and sometimes I had to herd them along a bit. She had fewer children in her group and thought she was nailing it compared to me, of course.

I get the feeling she judges my DD all the time now, especially because she keeps saying she doesn't understand what she's saying.

Anyway, she really pisses me off now and I keep having to see her around. I don't know how I'm going to shut her up. But I'm afraid one day I am just going to snap and be quite direct with her.

In my head it will go something like : ' sorry, do you realise how terribly judgemental you come across ? ' ' you're constantly making nasty comments about my parenting and also judging my child. Can you just back off ? '

I hope they're not in the same class next year. They're both only 4 and start reception in September.

If she starts reception next year I presume they are in school nursery, so 3 or 4? Lots of 3 year olds speech isn't clear to others outside their parents/people they know well. I can perfectly understand my 4 year old but my mum struggles
But regardless of that, there is no need for her to comment.
The nursery will generally let the school know which children are good together and which are not to help plan for class groupings. Does your daughter get on well with hers?

I think your DH is a much bigger problem than this mum tbh.
We live in a bigger house than most of my DD's (5 and 8) friends. So we host more group playdates and we have a bigger garden with swings slides trampoline, tree house etc, and I'm lucky that I don't work on Fridays so can have their friends round after school. It's pretty much a tradition that we have several children round after school on sunny Fridays in the summer. Older ones come on their own, younger ones with parents and we enjoy a glass of wine whilst they all play. I have got to know my older daughters friends, and a couple who have challenges at home will come to me for a chat and a hug. I also saw some dynamics/bullying I wasnt happy with and could address it early on. Its really important to get to know your children's close friends, they have a huge influence on their early years.

This. Patronising twat.

Not RTWT but is this child the only child of this woman? Personally I found the leap to more than one child huge and I wonder if perhaps there is also jealousy that you have 2 and she doesn’t, coupled with a lack of understanding of how much effort is required with 2 kids. My husband wasn’t in a hurry for a second and I felt very envious of those around me having number two quite quickly after. Given her poor behaviour seems to have kicked in after seeing your house, maybe it’s not all she’s jealous of.

My husband is not keen on others coming round to ours either, but because he doesn’t like his space invaded, having to be socialable, the risk someone might spill something etc. I’ve had to moderate who I have round and how often but I won’t cut it out completely. Would stressing to your husband how important it is to your daughter’s development help?

I grew up in a large, impressive house and kids from school would say “you live in a mansion” - to me it was just home - but my parents were happy for an open house and we could come home from school with friends and they were cool about it. Even raiding the cake tin etc, they are very generous and welcoming people and it was lovely growing up in that environment. It does make me sad that my kids don’t have that same experience. I do overcompensate a bit for my husband’s ways, so am more laid back than I probably should be - just hoping it balances them out in the long run! I have also learnt to tune out of his rants- but if it is particularly unreasonable I will pull him up with “no need to be mean” or similar comment.

Good luck with bitchy school mum and your husband!

Keep having the play dates with whoever adds joy (not weird critical mum). Your husband is wrong and you are right. It’s that simple.

As the children get older you'll see the mum less often. I stick my airbuds in and don't arrive at the school too early and leave quickly, I also don't volunteer so I don't have to deal with any bitchy crap. I realise that you're trying to build connections and help your child socialise though. Try to chat to other parents and grey rock the mum.

Your DH doesn't seem to be supportive so that's a separate issue, what's he doing to help your child's development?

You could ask the school if the children could be in separate classes if there's a large number going in. Our school take preferences into account when placing.

She'll be giving your daughter a complex about her speech. Tell her to fuck off.

Have you watched Motherland? If not please do it'll make you feel better.

This school mum has to put others down to feel better about herself I would start picking her up on it don't let her talk to you or your daughter like that. Hopefully then she wont speak to you and you'll get peace on the school run.

Your husband is a much bigger problem than this woman.
Dealing with her is simple and I can see most posters are nicer than I am because my advice to you is to look at her and say, they are four, do you realise how ridiculous you sound when you put my four year old down like this?

“In my head it will go something like : ' sorry, do you realise how terribly judgemental you come across ? ' ' you're constantly making nasty comments about my parenting and also judging my child. Can you just back off ? '”

I think you’ve nailed it with that. Best to shut her down now rather than put up with years of her judgy comments. What a cow.

Absolutely agree.
It's important for you and your child to make the effort. As a working mum, the other school parents are a lifeline fir me, and vice versa. If I am running late and need someone to collect, I know there is always someone I can call on, and I do that too on days I can.
Don't judge all parents by this one. You will have some you gel with and some you don't. And some where your children get on great and you don't, and vice versa. All are valuable in your journey and your child's journey. Those we have struggled with have been a lesson both myself and my children in setting boundaries, how to conflict manage, how to learn when enough is enough, and when to forgive and move on

I get the feeling she judges my DD all the time now, especially because she keeps saying she doesn't understand what she's saying.

'Your poor comprehension is hardly my daughter's fault or mine', as long as you continue to try and be polite she will continue her bullying behaviour.

Just cancel her - keep away from her. People like this pass it onto their kids and you’ll find her child acting like this with your D.C if you let it continue. She sounds like she has a personality disorder. Move on and find some nicer school Mum’s.

Just nip her in the bud and say, "Please do quietly feck off" and walk away. You do not have to be polite to her, you do not have to tolerate her, or communicate with her. She has no respect for you so do not give her any in return. She sounds jealous and she's bullying and harassing you. You could even report her to the school. More than likely her kid is a little sh*t behind closed doors and she's projecting onto your lovely little girl.

From the 2 posts i have read from you. especially the first one. On the whole she believes shy/they are better than you and your family. As its not a one off, personally I'd steer clear and just a hi and bye

Oh my word...

Your husband is gaslighting you. He sounds abusive. Why do you need permission to invite people into your own home!? Nah mate...off to the curb I'd be kicking him, or he needs to wind his neck in and wise up.

I'm really not sure about this one.

It's possible that this woman is following you around just to criticise yourself and you daughter at every turn. It's also possibile that you have a chip on your shoulder and are interpreting everything in a way that suits this narrative. You might be highly sensitive to perceived criticism.

Deciding 'there and then to never have another play date' is a pretty extreme. Your husbands view on the whole this is just plain odd. You said he'd make it 'even harder to have a play date'. Why is it so hard to have a play date?

I think what you said at the end is completely fair, and tbh I’d just say that to her next time. It’s not nasty what you’re saying just constructive and fair and seemingly accurate, maybe she’ll back off then and focus on someone else’s child!

Just fade this woman out . You don't like her , she's nasty so don't bother . You have free will !

Your husband is wrong. Please call Women's Aid. I bet it's not the only shit thing he does to you.

This is perfect. What a hypocrite she is.

Agh how annoying. Try a hard stare when she does it. Don’t explain. Or simply ignore the comment and immediately change the subject or start talking to someone else if possible

OP - this woman sounds annoying but she is the least of your problems. Your husband’s unreasonable and controlling attitude is a far bigger worry. Who made him the boss of you, and who is he to tell you who you can and can’t have in your own house.

FWIW, we are lucky enough to have quite a big house - bigger than many of our kids’ friends. We have never had any issue with other people being weird as a result or the children being treated differently by their peers. This is some weird thing in your husband’s head, but it is you and your daughter who will suffer if you aren’t allowed to have visitors because of his hang ups.

As far as the other mum goes, maybe she has an issue with your house, maybe it’s something else- in either case she sounds difficult, so just ditch her and focus on making other and nicer mum friends.

Your partner sounds very controlling, you need to make your own friends and be able to bring home friends, I personally would be more concerned about this than the other lady. Also if he is home when your bring these people back and they can sense or see this going on perhaps it's not your house they are jealous of, the least of your worries are other people.