This school mum is really pissing me off now !!!

[bigca]

She's so judgemental I feel.

She came to my house for a play date with her child, before I really knew what she was like of course...

She pulled me up on a couple of things I said about my DD. I posted about it at the time. I think I said she can be a bit stubborn and she told me not to say it. A couple of other similar comments. She also went all out praising her child A LOT.

Anyway, I decided there and then that I will never have a play date again ( unless requested by my child of course ).

I continue to be polite, but she's really grating on me now. She's always saying she can't understand my DD.

Yesterday my DD said my name. She said ' my mummy's name is Amelia ' to which the lady was like: ' I thought your name is Emilia '. Or some minor BS. My DD says my name just fine, I responded and said ' it's Amelia ' just like she said. To which she said ' no she said Emilia. It sounded like Emilia '. ( names changed of course ). The long and short of it is that however my DD said it, is how my name is said, she was just being nit picky. She also told my DD off because my DD found a loud noise funny.

Then today she was again hanging around us and my DD said something else- to which the mum asked me again ' what did she say ? ' she keeps not being able to understand my child and it's pissing me off. My DD wasn't even talking to her.

We went on a school trip the other day and she was also there. She just kept picking up on small things and making fun of me not being able to look after my group. I had the youngest kids in my group and sometimes I had to herd them along a bit. She had fewer children in her group and thought she was nailing it compared to me, of course.

I get the feeling she judges my DD all the time now, especially because she keeps saying she doesn't understand what she's saying.

Anyway, she really pisses me off now and I keep having to see her around. I don't know how I'm going to shut her up. But I'm afraid one day I am just going to snap and be quite direct with her.

In my head it will go something like : ' sorry, do you realise how terribly judgemental you come across ? ' ' you're constantly making nasty comments about my parenting and also judging my child. Can you just back off ? '

I hope they're not in the same class next year. They're both only 4 and start reception in September.

Avoid her. She will inevitably confront you about this (in front of witnesses.) Tell her that she is quite correct and you have in fact, been avoiding her. Tell her that your reasoning is that this is for her own protection as her constant criticisms and barbs aimed at your child are giving you the rage, but you’re not the sort to humiliate others in public.

Oh the good old school
Run.
I never made a single friend in school playground waiting to collect dd or ds.
I used to fret about it.
Not anymore.
But I have literally dozens and dozens of friends at work.
The only thing you have in common with the mums is - you have a child.
Do not give them a single thought.
Just ignore her.
Smile politely and move away.
( that will really ruffle her feathers)
She will feel the loss of control over you ...
I kinda see where your dh is coming from.
If he's experienced jealous from others growing up because of his massive house it explains a lot.
I've lost a close family member, about 2 years ago, because my house is now bigger than theirs ()
But your dh is wrong ti stop your dd 's friends coming over.
There is a middle ground.
Just invite them
It's probably 50 / 50 you'll get a good set.
Thinking about it I grew up in a fairly big house and had friends from all walks of life.
But my mum was super confident ( not saying you're not) and very bubbly and chatty and people seemed to like her a lot.
In your situation mum world have just felt sorry for her.

I acctually think your DH is abit of a snob and your not. He doesn't want people with no money and lower social standing around your house or your daughter. Probably has some ill-concieved notion that the best silver will go walk abouts lol

Whilst he's being abit controlling and abit of an idiot about the situation, I don't think it's right to say that he's abusive either. I feel from from this OP's demeanor in her wording that she's got her own mind and she speaks it to him, people in abusive relationships very much struggle to do that in my opinion. Couples argue and differ on views my husband may say he doesn't want certain people round our house, that's his right as it's his house to, the question is what he would do if I ignored that and brought them anyway which I would if I didn't agree and this OP did to. He complained she brought them round anyway, so she's not feared of him or under his control.

Tell her about the free hearing tests they do at (insert local pharmacy)

OP, you and your children are completely normal and you sound lovely.

This woman is a complete pai in the arse.
You are not going g to want her in your circle, so cease engaging.
Bd abrupt, walk away as she approaches you.
I can well imagine you are not happy with your husband.
His behaviour is very controlling and sinister.
Are you afraid of him?
Womans aid will confirm that his behaviour is coercive and abusive.
He may not fully realise it, (though I doubt it) but this will get worse and you will not want him around your children full-time.
Reach out to family and friends.
Reach out for support.
Talk to your GP.
Get some support via therapy.
Do you work?
If not, you need to be looking at returning to it.
Refuse to engage or defend yourself against his gaslighting you.
I would stop him speaking and ask him does he realise just how unhappy you are in this marriage......let him hear this.

All children are different. My first was a runner, would zoom off in all directions and actively seek out danger. My youngest wouldn't leave my side. My eldest would chat constantly (& overshare wwith total strangers) wheras my second is practically mute around new people. It has far more to do with their personalities than my parenting.
Her kid might be more compliant, but that is how he is as a person, not exclusively down to her fabulous parenting.

As others have suggested, I would question her hearing "do you need your hearing checked? That's the second time you haven't been able to hear her" or be direct and say "can you please stop commenting on my daughter's speech? You've done it a few times now and I don't appreciate it. She is 4, she is learning and you are going to damage her confidence if you keep this up."

Big smile "oh dear, another thing that displeases you. I'll make a list for both of us". Tinkly laugh and walk swiftly to soeak to someone else nicer

No fucker would be "telling" me what to say/not say, or do with MY child.

She's be getting told it was none of her damn business and to butt out! The very first time anyone tries that nonsense with me.

I find once you challenge these types, they will bugger off and find some other doormat to bully and take their insecurities out on.

I’d really try and avoid her. She’s not going to win any friends with that attitude.
She sounds awful.
If boot was on other foot and you were criticising her child and telling her off she’d be outraged.

I've not read the whole thread, but just to say, it does sound like she is jealous. However you should be able to invite people over without having to worry about their jealousy.

When DD was young, she had a friend with the most fabulous house - swimming pool, tennis courts etc. Our house was perfectly fine - but ordinary!

I wasn't jealous, and it didn't stop me from being friends with that Mum. I was grateful to her for having DD over as she loved it. Likewise her DD seemed to have fun with us.

People can be weird, and unkind and generally lose the plot a bit. Sadly you are at the start of school years, so have more of this to come so don't let it drag you down. Say something to her, in a polite way and move on. Good luck! I miss my DD being young, but don't miss some of this type of thing.

You can ask for the girls not to be in the same reception class

You are very restrained...

Your husband is also nuts

He's not your boss and it's your house too

Then let them

Can't?

CAN'T?

Who the FUCK does he think he is - King of the Hill, how dare he. he has no right to dictate who comes into YOUR home as well.

What a prick.

I haven't read all updates so apologies in case covered

The only way to get away from this is to physically distance. I'd do everything possible to avoid any interaction by being as far away physically as possible, by always being on the go and sorry got to dash, got loads to do type vibe.
Do you absolutely have to be in her presence. She sounds an utter dick and will have you in a tailspin and stressed out which you don't want.

It's made harder by the fact your child is more of a live wire and strong willed. That stress can make you snappy eventually as you know full well you're being judged. I've been there. Avoidance at all costs equals peaceful life

When one of my DDs went to Secondary school she had a couple of extremely wealthy friends.

We're talking Georgian houses in several acres. We live on a nice village estate so no comparison

I was invited into theirs for coffee. The parents came to mine. The girls had sleepovers, dinners and went out together from both types of house - no problems.

Your husband is nuts. With a chip on his shoulder

I am. And so is the OP's husband

I wouldn't tell her ro back off It would be another phrase ending in off. Followed by you nasty (insert word of choice )

I’m sorry you have had to feel this way. All mothers/ fathers have had to experience this within primary schools.

you have been fantastic in not retaliating
to her comments. The best way I would say is to continue what your doing and get to know the others parents more, as they can back you up if anything happens.

Fade away and pray that karma delivers her a living terror as her next child.

Pull her up on the speech part, it’s not on.

My child had/has a Speech delay that turned into a Stammer and the one thing you never do it focus on everything they say and nit pick. I’m not saying your child has any sort of Speech delay but she’s bang out of order for doing what she’s doing and for this part alone I’d have told her to fuck off.

From what you have said, she shouldn’t be helping out with school activities as she doesn’t know how to behave appropriately around/to children.

Just do what I did when I was faced with a snarky, jealous, competitive type at my sons school.

Look at her and say, "What a strange woman you are" and ignore her antics.

Are Amelia and Emilia pronounced differently?!

Sorry not helpful.