This school mum is really pissing me off now !!!

[bigca]

She's so judgemental I feel.

She came to my house for a play date with her child, before I really knew what she was like of course...

She pulled me up on a couple of things I said about my DD. I posted about it at the time. I think I said she can be a bit stubborn and she told me not to say it. A couple of other similar comments. She also went all out praising her child A LOT.

Anyway, I decided there and then that I will never have a play date again ( unless requested by my child of course ).

I continue to be polite, but she's really grating on me now. She's always saying she can't understand my DD.

Yesterday my DD said my name. She said ' my mummy's name is Amelia ' to which the lady was like: ' I thought your name is Emilia '. Or some minor BS. My DD says my name just fine, I responded and said ' it's Amelia ' just like she said. To which she said ' no she said Emilia. It sounded like Emilia '. ( names changed of course ). The long and short of it is that however my DD said it, is how my name is said, she was just being nit picky. She also told my DD off because my DD found a loud noise funny.

Then today she was again hanging around us and my DD said something else- to which the mum asked me again ' what did she say ? ' she keeps not being able to understand my child and it's pissing me off. My DD wasn't even talking to her.

We went on a school trip the other day and she was also there. She just kept picking up on small things and making fun of me not being able to look after my group. I had the youngest kids in my group and sometimes I had to herd them along a bit. She had fewer children in her group and thought she was nailing it compared to me, of course.

I get the feeling she judges my DD all the time now, especially because she keeps saying she doesn't understand what she's saying.

Anyway, she really pisses me off now and I keep having to see her around. I don't know how I'm going to shut her up. But I'm afraid one day I am just going to snap and be quite direct with her.

In my head it will go something like : ' sorry, do you realise how terribly judgemental you come across ? ' ' you're constantly making nasty comments about my parenting and also judging my child. Can you just back off ? '

I hope they're not in the same class next year. They're both only 4 and start reception in September.

Nex time she comments on your wee ones speech.. ask her if SHE has a hearing problem..
She will say No!
You look her in the eye and say " Good, cos you will hear me say this..
I did not invite your opinion.
I do not want your opinion.
So put it where the sun dont shine!"
.. as for your OH.. he is an eejit.. you are a great Mum.. ignore him.. and carry on being you.

Start talking in a really loud and enunciated way to her, express loudly that it's a shame her tinnitus makes it difficult for her to hear. When she magically is able to hear properly, but continue talking loudly but tell her "OH THAT'S WONDERFUL! THOSE NEW HEARING AIDS ARE AMAZING. YOU CAN BARELY SEE THEM"

Just ignore her pretend she's not there give her no reaction. She will soon get bored.

Omg you actually said head tilt. I thought this and the tinkly laughs were urban myths! 😂

@Mummy2024 he has a thing about letting people in the house.

He says we need to be careful who we allow in, because it can have negative consequences if people get jealous.

We don't live in a palace or anything, but it's a nice house.

He grew up in a pretty massive house and I think did experience some issues around it. Apparently people treated him differently once they knew what his house was like- same for his siblings.

So he's funny about it.

I'm really not funny about it and would like my DD's friends to come and play here.

Well you’ve brought up a whole other issue now. Your OH sounds really weird. It’s up to you who you invite round to your own house

I wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut if she’d insulted my dd, bless your dd, she’s only 5, this women sounds awful. It sounds though she is jealous. You’ve got to start being firm, and show that you won’t stand for these comments, or they will just carry on. Shut her down every time in a firm, but polite way.

BTW why does your dh get to choose which friends you invite over?! Think you’ve another issue here!

It's another thing but linked to this. I'm really struggling with it. I have been for a while.

OP I've found what can work well is pretend you didn't hear her. Say sorry what was that. Make her repeat it. Gives you time to think. Then you can say something like intii hi ought that's what you said. And hard stare! Or just ignore. Make her repeat it again if she has the nerve.

This is exactly what I think. I really don't understand why women get to this level of nonsense. I hate those performing mothers and I the reason I couldn't wait to go back to the workplace was exactly this one.

Avoid that woman like the plague and all women like her. She is looking for people full of self doubt to bully. It's sad to see grown up women behaving like this.

Please raise above all this nonsense.

I'm going to be brutally honest but people like this convince themselves that they are great parents and passive aggressively try to prove it to everyone around them by either putting others down or continually bragging about their own achievements. Being called out on stuff isn't going to change their perception.

Some might strongly disagree but I think the only thing that gets to people like this is when you effectively show them that you think you might be better than them in a different way. I've seen it first hand - parents trying to get to the top of some non-existent pecking order trampling over others in trying to prove how great they are. The moment they find out or come across a parent who is clearly better off than then they are, they avoid them at all costs. Just tell them it's costing you an extra £5k to go to the Maldives during school holidays and she'll steer clear - honestly try it.

‘What did she say I can’t understand her…’

’You keep saying that, it’s quite strange as no-one else has a problem, her speech is perfectly clear… hmm, it’s clearly bothering you, should you get your hearing checked?’

Gosh I'm kind of relieved I don't do any school runs for my kids; playground politics can be a nightmare!
She sounds really judgy/insecure

I'm menopausal, it's amazing. I suddenly have such confidence and don't care who I piss off anymore.
Channel your older menopausal self.
Practise this in a mirror, stare into her eyes and say loudly and clearly "What is your fucking problem" and continue to stare. If you have a Scottish or Manchester accent that's a bonus.

This completely.
None of it matters, it's just bullshit.

Enjoy your own child- ignore the arseholes.

So she was fine until coming to your house. She is probably jealous because your house is nicer than hers.

You say sweetly and reassuringly ‘don’t feel bad, everyone else can understand her and I don’t think she’s noticed at all, it’s fine!’

Also- it's none of your husband's business who you invite over. He's being ridiculous. Your child's friend won't care what your house is like. Why did he want to buy the house with you in the first place if it's such an issue. Nice people wouldn't care what your house is like and they're the people you'll stay friends with/ invite again x

I'd go even further and mention an aunt with early onset dementia who's first sign was hearing things wrong and making odd comments.

I think ignoring and keeping your distance is the way to go.

But if she won’t leave you alone just tell her once “I’m really not interested in your opinion on my parenting. I have no intention of parenting like you do. I do not want children like yours.” (Though not in hearing of the DC, obviously).

You have learnt very early on to keep your distance when it comes to school parents. It’s really best to keep your friends outside your child’s school, and little groups of friends work better for play dates at this age, but also serve to dilute any tricky parents.

I would have to pull her up if she is rude to you or your child again. ‘Did you mean to be so rude’ is a good all rounder. She sounds like a very unhappy woman and I feel sad for her withdrawn child.

My house was bigger than most of the other kids when my dd was little. No one and I mean no one I invited round had an issue, including the woman, who was living with her mum at the time as she’d had her ds at about 19.

If this is how your husband reacts to you, I’m not surprised you feel constantly bullied. How else does he treat you?

Another poster suggested you ask for the children to be in different classes. I think that is a good suggestion. You could phrase it as she’s singling your child out and criticising her behaviour. Schools don’t like children being treated differently so they’ll have to take this seriously.

You need to tell your DH that you have no intention of disallowing normal childhood activities. That’s just controlling and weird.

As for her, I think it might be smart to possibly seek advice at the school on how to handle an issue that you can see escalating with a parent. Explain that at the moment it’s not affecting your child, but you can see in time that if not nipped in the bud, it’s going to. (This will make them think twice before hiring her if any jobs come up.) Next time she bleats about your kid, I would put my hand up and say, “Listen, that’s enough with the constant stream of criticism about my child. I haven’t asked for your opinions and I won’t tolerate an adult playing “Mean Girls” games with my kids. Thank you.”

Why all the playground games just ignore her, extract yourself from her advances st school she'll soon move on. It's like being a child in the playground all over again. I don't engage in it.

I'd wait until she says something rude, then say "what did you say?" Make her repeat it then stare and say "do you mean to be so rude?" And shake your head and walk away.

Then everytime she makes a snippy comment look at her and walk away