This school mum is really pissing me off now !!!

[bigca]

She's so judgemental I feel.

She came to my house for a play date with her child, before I really knew what she was like of course...

She pulled me up on a couple of things I said about my DD. I posted about it at the time. I think I said she can be a bit stubborn and she told me not to say it. A couple of other similar comments. She also went all out praising her child A LOT.

Anyway, I decided there and then that I will never have a play date again ( unless requested by my child of course ).

I continue to be polite, but she's really grating on me now. She's always saying she can't understand my DD.

Yesterday my DD said my name. She said ' my mummy's name is Amelia ' to which the lady was like: ' I thought your name is Emilia '. Or some minor BS. My DD says my name just fine, I responded and said ' it's Amelia ' just like she said. To which she said ' no she said Emilia. It sounded like Emilia '. ( names changed of course ). The long and short of it is that however my DD said it, is how my name is said, she was just being nit picky. She also told my DD off because my DD found a loud noise funny.

Then today she was again hanging around us and my DD said something else- to which the mum asked me again ' what did she say ? ' she keeps not being able to understand my child and it's pissing me off. My DD wasn't even talking to her.

We went on a school trip the other day and she was also there. She just kept picking up on small things and making fun of me not being able to look after my group. I had the youngest kids in my group and sometimes I had to herd them along a bit. She had fewer children in her group and thought she was nailing it compared to me, of course.

I get the feeling she judges my DD all the time now, especially because she keeps saying she doesn't understand what she's saying.

Anyway, she really pisses me off now and I keep having to see her around. I don't know how I'm going to shut her up. But I'm afraid one day I am just going to snap and be quite direct with her.

In my head it will go something like : ' sorry, do you realise how terribly judgemental you come across ? ' ' you're constantly making nasty comments about my parenting and also judging my child. Can you just back off ? '

I hope they're not in the same class next year. They're both only 4 and start reception in September.

@bigca it seems as if people , your dh and this woman, think you can be ordered about.
You may want to work on being assertive.

Your dh sounds rather weird, our home was full of dc's friends as they grew up.

Don’t say this

Your DH is bullying you. It’s your house too. We lived in a posh area where DCs friends lived in million £ houses. We were in an ex-council flat. I wasn’t being a cow to anyone and DCs played nicely with all. I wasn’t in the in-group at school because I was working and didn’t have much time for that. What a way to waste the gift of precious time with your kids. Ignore, ignore. Also, have a word with your DH.

Just keep pretending you haven’t heard her.

”What did you say?”
”I said your daughter is very spirited today”
”What? Sorry, you’re mumbling, I didn’t catch that.”

And keep going until she gives up. Maybe ask her if she’s considered going to speech and language therapy because she is hard to understand.

She is a twat.

I clearly struggle to some extent with being assertive.

You should have seen him last night, he was basking in it. He LOVED it. He was telling me off, like a dad may tell of his teenage daughter. I'm SO pissed off. I'm not being treated as an equal. I'm being treated like an idiot who can't make good decisions. I know some of the other school mums situations ( how they live ) and he pretty much doesn't want me to invite anyone who might live in a flat or similar to our house. Again, this sounds like we live in a palace. We don't live in a place, but we have a nice house.

Some of the school mums have talked about their living situations, others haven't. So what do I do now ? Ask them all for a P60, before they can visit my DD ? It's ridiculous. He says he's trying to avoid problems for her. He doesn't want her to get bullied. Apparently I just don't ' get it '.

As for the lady, I'll need to see what the right thing in the moment is. I am also considering asking the school to put them in different classes. Or I may just ask which class my DD will be in. None of the other parents have behaved this way at all towards my DD or me.

What's the point in having a nice house with a garden etc if you can't let your kids enjoy it ?

I grew up in a flat and we always had kids over ! Some of my friends had massive houses and we never hated them for it or anything like that. It was just a cool place to play.

I was hoping to host some play dates in the summer with a group of girls from school.

To be fair, no one else ever offers to let people into their house, so far. So my H gets annoyed about that too. He says why do I need to be the one to offer to host ? You know why ? Because we are new to the area and we don't have any friends here. I've been trying really hard to build our circle.

Everyone else is from the area and has sisters, mothers, friends etc all around. I don't have anyone and neither does DD.

@Johnhasalongmoustache why not out of interest?

What the hell is wrong with your husband? His behaviour here is outrageous.

You have done nothing wrong in trying to build connections with school mums, and it’s your house too.

Be blunt with her. Just say something along the lines of “I feel as if we’ve got off on the wrong foot, I don’t think you like me, and I don’t like you either. What I don’t know is why you seem to have such a problem with me, my DD and how I parent her. We can either go through the next seven years, sniping at each other in the playground, or be adults about it and either work it out, or stay away from each other.”
You might be surprised at how she responds. I hated my best friend on sight, the feeling was mutual, but I addressed it directly, and we’ve been great friends for 20 years.

Your husband sounds like a snob!

As @bigca said I think it is jealousy.
Put down some boundaries now with her.
Don't let any of her comments pass: say 'what are you trying to say ?' Or 'what do you mean by that?'. Pick her up on everything and ask for more detail.
Tell her you disagree.
Ask her to stop being so negative.

You're nicer than me! I've pulled people like her up and asked what their problem is and to keep their fucking mouth shut. I've had a couple of arguments with horrible parents cos if an adult is being shitty to my kid I'm not letting that one slide!

‘Do you know who you remind me of, Amanda on Motherland. You are very pass remarkable as my mother would say’

I'm petty but I'd definitely look really confused next time she asks what your DD said and say " are you OK? Do you have some hearing issues?" She's clearly one of those cringey show parents.

I would request that they aren’t in the same class. You don’t want this to continue all the way through school.
There’s 2 classes so it shouldn’t be a problem.
Have a few phrases ready for the next time she says anything. ‘ she wasn’t talking to you’, ‘You dont understand her ? Perhaps you need a hearing test’. ‘Did you mean to be so rude ? Or simply ‘piss off’

I am not sure who sounds like worse 'school mums' the OP or a lot of the replies, do people in real life really carry on like this then complain about other people being 'school mums'?

@SpringerFall I agree. There’s also the option of distancing yourself and being polite enough for a chat and a play date, but not overly-friendly. Luckily, the children will soon be old enough for drop offs rather than staying with them for play dates.

I would just walk away from her every time she comes near you. She will soon get the message. Don’t bother having a confrontation with her, just smile say morning but then move away.

your dh is being weird about your house. You’ll meet plenty of families at school with bigger and better houses than yours. Of course you should invite people round and have play dates. He sounds a total twat.

I know it's baffling but your husband's right about the house thing. I invited another mum on a dog walk, stopped at mine to grab the dog. She said, I didn't know you lived here?! I live in a nice house in a nice area, she lives in an impoverished council flat. I didn't think anything of it, just thought she was nice and we'd be friends. Well she never spoke to me again after that! The jealously is real!

Please speak to the school and ask for the children to be put in different classes. Explain that the other mum is very critical of your child and you would rather have some separation.

As for your house - invite people! Most will be nice.

I would too but most parents would not and this is why adult school gate bullies get away with it for so long.

OP please advocate for your DD and yourself and tell this awful woman to stop speaking to you and your daughter.

OP, your husband sounds like a controlling bully who is grinding you down.
Is this really how you want to live?
I think you should give Women's aid a call.
He does not get to tell you what to do and who can enter the house.
That is coercive control, which is now a crime.
I bet this isn't the only area he dictates about.
Your have two children with him. Do not have a third.
I would strongly suggest you get some therapy to help you assert yourself.

As for that woman, put up your ✋️ and tell her "not today" and walk away with your children.
Or loudly tell her mind her own business and stop correcting your child.....and walk away from her.

You have a lot going on but you need to take your husbands bullying of you very seriously.
It is not normal.
It is abusive and will only get worse.

Firstly, why have you kept quiet for so long? I understand the first or second time just out of shock/being caught out in the moment. But if it’s predictable behaviour I’d 100% be ready with a reply that makes her think twice before commenting again. Not sure why you are more bothered about protecting her feelings than your own - because that’s essentially what you are doing.

Secondly, OH should not behave how he did to you. You need to work on your assertiveness. But also there is a small point to be taken - only invite people over after you know them a little. Most people are nice and normal, plenty are weird, judgy and jealous if your house is bigger than theirs.

Sometimes it is hard for us parents to hear our own child's speech impediment.

My DD was found to have one when her Kinder teacher told me. (I had never noticed it.). Having Speech Therapy for six months at age four was the best thing for her.
She then grew up to speak well.

Because of that kind intervention, I always do comment, once, if I hear a child over the age of five with a speech impediment. They are so easy to fix when the child is young.

If your child is hard for others to understand, ask her teacher to be frank and honest with you. Ask whether your daughter would benefit from some Speech Therapy.

If your child speaks perfectly and you have a polite child - the other parent is just being mean. Keep clear of her and her child as much as you can. Stay polite but introduce yourself to other parents and invite other kids to play instead.

This is very good advice. Your husband's behaviour is not acceptable.