To think it is not normal to be at a bar at 1.30am with work

[Peonii]

Just need to be told I'm being insane.

DH in Germany having meetings. It's an early start tomorrow. He messaged at 10pm saying they're in the bar and will call when he's back in his room in an hour... He still hasn't called.

AIBU to think one wouldn't be out until 1.30am at a bar if you have an early start the next day?

Sometimes you just get carried away enjoying yourself.

It's quite possible. I've certainly been on work trips and stayed out later than that with clients and/or colleagues.

I mean.. I don't think it's that uncommon for people to go a bit silly on work trips.

At one of my old jobs we'd often go out midweek and the allure of staying out was always much stronger because you 'shouldn't'. These types of impromptu nights out are often better than the planned ones.

But then I was 22, and no one in the team younger than 40

I've known colleagues roll into their hotel rooms at 6am and then still bright and chipper for meetings at nine. No idea how they do it, am a bit jealous they can to be honest

DH is 45 and doesn't drink

Obviously that should say older than 40!

It's now nearly 2am.

AIBU to at least expect a message from him to say he's still not able to call?

Are you annoyed because you think he's doing something wrong (cheating/planning to) or do you just disapprove of him staying out?

If the latter, bit unreasonable. He's an adult who can choose whether or not being tired tomorrow is worth it!

He's probanly asleep. Try not to be so anxious.

He's an adult out with work colleagues, why does he need to ring you ?

Assuming there's no urgent reason you need to speak to him, just go to bed.

Because that's just what we do when either of us is away with work/friends

We maybe haven't had the best of times lately. We have a one year old and so we're barely being couple-y. And I am usually just plain miserable by the time he's home from work (a real stereotype) and I just feel like he's probably glad he's not at home.

If he is in his 40s and doesn’t drink, isn’t it more likely that he was just tired and forgot to call/message?

if you are worried, send him a message and go to bed. If he is still in the bar or if the message happens to wake him up, he will respond with a quick reply. If he is deeply asleep, you will hear from him in the morning.

Then I think the annoyance is probably coming from the fact he's out having a good time with others, when he isn't having many good times with you at the minute.

I can understand why you feel that way given the circumstances but making an issue of it won't help - will just make him resentful of you 'ruining his fun'. Whilst I can't say I wouldn't feel similar, from an outsiders perspective he really hasn't done anything wrong in this scenario.

I'd honestly just go to sleep. Let him enjoy his night. Then have a chat as soon as you can about how you can get your couple time back, rather than just being mum and dad

I dont think it's unusual to be out at 2 when away with colleagues. Turn your phone off so he doesn't wake you and speak tomorrow

Please don't tell me you are sitting up waiting for him to phone.
Go to bed / sleep.

Just stop trying to be miserable and go to bed instead. He'll contact you in the morning.

He’s away on a work trip and having a good time! Leave him be and stop looking for reasons to make a fuss, especially if things haven’t been too great lately.

He probably fell asleep! There's no point sitting up all night waiting for a call, when he is likely fast asleep. Just get some rest yourself and speak to each other tomorrow instead.

So you've got a one year old and you are waiting up for a call? You're going to be even more tired tomorrow. Go to bed.

If you got away for a night, would you want to be dictated to what you should do?'

He's away with work people, let him get on with it.

I hope he isn't letting his boundaries slip here because he "deserves to be happy". If there is even a hint something is off tomorrow then I'd be concerned.

He's on a work trip, normal

Maybe he doesn’t want to wake you, but that’s insane you staying up awake waiting for him to check in when he is out with work colleagues before going to bed.