To think it is not normal to be at a bar at 1.30am with work

[Peonii]

Just need to be told I'm being insane.

DH in Germany having meetings. It's an early start tomorrow. He messaged at 10pm saying they're in the bar and will call when he's back in his room in an hour... He still hasn't called.

AIBU to think one wouldn't be out until 1.30am at a bar if you have an early start the next day?

When I look back to some conferences and events, that’s quite early especially great if your not paying either.

Let him have a good time

You will only push him away and cause conflict

I know it's difficult to do but let this one go

Just let him be. Don't start giving him shit about it when you next speak to him. Unless he has form for not being trusted I don't see him staying out late when he's away once as a problem.

I would be spectacularly unimpressed op. Do you have equal opportunities to go away and turn off your phone for a few days? If not, book a weekend away and start enjoying your own life.

Ease up. Why would you want him to call you at 2am anyway? He's out, they go to bed, get up have breakfast and go to work.

Well his phone could've died ( thx Apple) or it got a bit late and he assumed that you would be asleep. Or he forgot. Not a huge deal

This

Totally normal, leave him to it

I was out until 2am while on a work trip last week. I was simply having a nice evening. If my DH would be pissed off with me for that, or implying that I was probably cheating on him, I'd not be impressed.

Why wouldn't you just message and say you are off to bed and leave him to it? He probably realised it was quite late when he headed to bed and thought he had best not call and wake you.

There no accepted norm for this situation and you actually don't know for sure that he was still in the bar

Of course if you always call each other then you're bound to be annoyed if he hasn't, it's not relevant to you that other posters don't expect or want a call every evening.

Hopefully you've now had some sleep and have heard from him

Fairly normal depending on the company and it’s culture. I have certainly done this on work trips.

It sounds like you are feeling knackered and a bit hacked off at having been left. I can understand that but for Gods sake don’t escalate this into a thing, it won’t do you any favours.

Hes oh a work trip, he has to go along with this to some extent. Youre not a child and you don’t have to be put to bed. If you give him a hard time about this you will make him feel guilty, controlled and resentful and it won’t end well.

He is working! It's one evening on a work trip. If OP wants a weekend away that's fine. But then the DH gets a weekend away also, not just a few hours after work.

And where has it said he's turned his phone off? Have you just made that up for dramatic purposes?

I agree with this too. He's probably realised its got too late to ring now.

I was at a company meeting all last week and went to bed later than that on at least two nights. Fairly normal where I work.

He's working!

Totally normal.

Last time I was on a work trip I ended up in a nightclub for the first time in over a decade until closing.

Isn't it a bit teenagery to sit up for a good night call because he's out with mates and not you?

@Peonii you are not his mum. Leave the poor guy alone

And that’s weird

Surely it's even less likely that a mother would do this?

He probably just forgot and went to bed. If it was really late he probably just thought he'd call in the morning rather than wake you up.

If I had a toddler who was likely to be up at the crack of dawn I'd murder my non drinking husband if he woke me up at 12am to tell me he's home safe from his work "night out" with his colleagues.
If I thought he was potentially wrecked or was a reformed alcoholic I'd be more anxious.
If they've taken him somewhere for dinner he may not have been in a position to just head away whenever he liked. I'm not familiar with Germany but in much of Europe the bars only close when people decide to leave and if he's out with senior people, he may well have stayed a lot later than he'd like.
Or like me with a toddler and work trip. He's had dinner, a large glass of wine and is fast asleep on the hotel bed "watching" tv.

He's probably forgotten then realised it's too late to call you and not wanted to wake you. He's either pissed as a fart and enjoying being away from home without interruptions from a baby and wife or he's making the most of having a hotel room to himself to catch up on sleeping without a baby waking him up. We all do it, men and women, when we get time away from home so don't presume there is anything else in it just because he hasn't called.

It's only half past midnight German time! Hardly out all night.