To think it is not normal to be at a bar at 1.30am with work

[Peonii]

Just need to be told I'm being insane.

DH in Germany having meetings. It's an early start tomorrow. He messaged at 10pm saying they're in the bar and will call when he's back in his room in an hour... He still hasn't called.

AIBU to think one wouldn't be out until 1.30am at a bar if you have an early start the next day?

Unprofessional? 😅 You've obviously never been away on a trip where you've had to entertain clients and it shows.

Why are secure women described by the insecure as cool wives?

Why was it unprofessional?

He wasn't in a pub, just the hotel bar.

But he's away working - it's not always feasible to just pop out and ring your wife, especially as it's not an emergency.

I work away several times a year and don't ring DH because it's simply not necessary most of the time.

How did he force her to wait until 2am?

I would've just messaged (at 10) off to bed, speak soon.

No one needs their DH to call them at 2am to say good nights, it's far too controlling.

He's on a work trip, leave him to it.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, OP. It's very difficult when the kids are that sort of age and one of the parents is away a lot. I'm not surprised you reached the end of your tether.

I don't think there's anything sinister about him not having messaged, or about him being in a bar that late. In my industry when we entertain clients it can be quite late and booze-sodden - certainly after midnight, sometimes later - and even once the clients have left those of us who work together will stick around for a little while to decompress.

I understand you’re struggling but him being out when away with work or not, really doesn’t change anything for you. Is this the fact you think he’s having fun when you’re miserable and struggling, so you resent it?

@Jane2025 are you serious? He's away working,

What's with the cool wife thing, it's frankly odd.

At least 90% are sensible wives though.

Wow what a strange thread!!

Hi OP. You should just have gone to bed. You are exhausted and need to sleep. Your DP had been in touch so you knew he was ok.

DH and I speak regularly when he works away but in this case I would let him get on with it and just go to my bed.

Have you never been out with work or your mates and lost track of time?

@Jane2025 if you say my comment is irrelevant then it must be! I mean 90% must be all wrong (not the batshit crazy 10%!).

But you do you, with the other few you are socking with.

*Really, really stung eh?

Your opinion is wrong.*

Fabulous debating skills!

Unprofessional?!?! To not update his wife on his every move?! 😂I would say it's "unprofessional" and rude to have your phone out and be texting your DP when you're in the company of colleagues and clients actually.

@Jane2025 not stung at all, just happy and secure in my relationship, sorry that upsets you so much.

I married someone, I don't dictate ridiculous rules, nor tell him what time he should go to bed. I'm sure most people know when they want to go to bed and when's appropriate for a work event.

🤷‍♀️

You seem very angry about the situation.

Not normal but quite possible especially if you’ve not met up socially for a while. Hell the next day!!!

From someone completely outside of this "debate": you're doing yourself absolutely no favours here.

@Jane2025 haha, you're funny! I don't know who you think I'm desperate to impress, but it certainly isn't you.

And my comments are based on the 17 years that I have been in sales, travelling for work, entertaining clients and knowing the level of hospitality it can take to close deals.

So tell me... what's your background and how do you figure you know more about professionalism than I do?

Professionalism is industry specific by the way, different industries call for different behaviours and types of professionalism.

And reinforcing the OPs anxiety and potential anger at her DH is not helpful. He 'deigned' to contact her? He 'forced her to stay awake until til 2am'. Erm no, he did not. He's away at work. He spoke to her at 10am, she should have just left him to it after that.

I haven't read all of the replies, but do remember that Germany is an hour behind the UK.

Because he's a grown man out with his colleagues on a work trip - he shouldn't need to be worrying about ringing home.

OP knew he was okay - he'd been in touch so there was absolutely no need to stay up just to say goodnight.