To think it is not normal to be at a bar at 1.30am with work

[Peonii]

Just need to be told I'm being insane.

DH in Germany having meetings. It's an early start tomorrow. He messaged at 10pm saying they're in the bar and will call when he's back in his room in an hour... He still hasn't called.

AIBU to think one wouldn't be out until 1.30am at a bar if you have an early start the next day?

Client work nights out always end far later than you ever anticipate. It is often frowned upon to leave early.

Changes are he has realised it is late and decided it is better not to call and wake you.

Unless there is a history and massive back story just leave it be.

My DH works away a lot and if it's a client meal / trip then he leaves when the client wants to, unfortunately it's definitely frowned upon to abandon the client 😂 especially when DH picks up the bill!

Maybe he didn't want to wake you up by calling when he realised how late it was at home?

I generally just send DH a text when I go to sleep (even if he's still out!) and he just sends a reply when he eventually gets in, so at least when I wake up I know it's all okay 😊 it's easy to worry sometimes when you're so far away!

It's only half past midnight German time! Hardly out all night.

No, Germany is an hour ahead of UK time.

Definitely normal - when I was younger and we had team meetings it was really normal to stay out until 1/2 in the morning. I don’t do that now thought due to being older and more boring!

Why is it so important to keep tabs on him? Do you not trust him?

Oh yes! Conferences awash with sleep-deprived, hung-over delegates and exhibition sales staff trying to sell through a fug of alcohol fumes!
I doubt Harrogate has seen anyone under 50 who isn't a local, sober!

You have a 1 year old and you are at home on your own with the baby. He was probably being a decent person, hoping you were getting a good night's sleep and didn't want to wake you.
This is exactly we would do. We don't message because the notification would wake the other up but know we won't turn off notifications just in case.

Not unusual at all. I used to travel to the Far East for work trips and we would all be out until 4am some nights, it was great fun.

Honestly, I'd be annoyed if he did ring, surely with a one year old you should be trying to get some sleep by that time. If you are jealous he's having a good time and you aren't, arrange a night out (and morning off) for yourself.

Have you ever been on a work trip?

I've worked in Germany for nearly my whole adult life. You bet we take people out after a hard day of meetings - and often we get home in the wee hours.

If you don't trust him, that's a whole other issue

The joy of work trips is that you don't have to change nappies/feed the cat/empty the dishwasher/get the bins in first thing in the morning, and instead of a long commute you often just have a ten minute walk to the office.

Longer lie-in = later night.

Yes, you are. I hope you went to bed and had a decent sleep.

I’ve certainly done that with work and colleagues with young kids have been out late with work drinking (female too).

You’re insane. (You did ask)

I love the opportunity to get away from family for a few days. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my family though.

Germany usually equals continental brekkie but they may do a fry up too. 😋

OP, it would’ve nice for him to call /text as he said that’s what he was going to do. Or send a text if he decided to be out later, telling you not to wait up for him and he would just text you in the morning.

However, he didn’t and that may just be an oversight or it may be that he doesn’t want to continue with this habit of checking in with you when he’s out on a work trip so this is his way of telling you that.

I hope you got some sleep and can just calmly have an open discussion about it tomorrow, so you know what to expect next time!

I was coming here to say pretty much this. I travel for work and whenever I go to Germany I can pretty much guarantee it will be full on. The Germans seem to love planning multiple extracurriculars beyond the work day to entertain their visitors.

It's super hospitable, but doesn't leave much (if any) time for down time. And you tend to be shepherded around in a group, so no nipping off somewhere quiet for an hour

Jesus, this is a weird thread. He's away with work, late nights can often go hand in hand with entertaining clients.

I've been at a conference for the last 3 days, I haven't seen my bed before 1.30am any night. The after conference events are where all of the networking and deals are done.

Honestly, if I had someone like you at home keeping tabs on me while I'm away with on a work trip, I wouldn't want to go home. What a suffocating pain to be dealing with.

If it's a work trip with clients then it's legit, OP. I don't drink but if I'm on a trip with clients and they want to stay up until 2am drinking, then damn right I'm staying with them, unfortunately.

Well maybe he is? He’s probably enjoying himself whilst he can where it wont impact you, as I’m sure most people would do.

This is weird. I have meetings and work trips away and go out with my team for dinner and drinks in the evenings. Sometimes stay out late. Latest probably 3amish. And I've never texted my husband.
I might text him to say I'm almost home when I land at the airport or get off the train but other than that we don't stress.

I think late work drinks are not uncommon. I wouldn't be at all suprised for DH to be out drinking that late when he's on a contract with trips abroad to meet other teams.

Why didn't you call him instead of getting more and more worked up about it? The most likely scenario is he got back to his hotel, possibly a bit tipsy if he is not used to drinking and fell straight to sleep.

He will be glad he's not home.

Sounds like a crumbling relationship.