To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

I didn’t know what my own sisters wore to my wedding before they turned up! Told them to dress comfortably and what I was wearing to get an idea of the dress level. They choose dainty tea dresses at the polar opposite of my choice, we stood together in photos and up the aisle and it was all perfectly lovely with us each being ourselves. My other bridesmaids was the most heavily pregnant bridesmaid ever and resorted to leggings and a dress that became a tunic 😂
My memories of the day over 20 years on are warm and happy. The photos aren’t like a fairy tale, but a wonderful snapshot in time of us.

Wow! What a lovely person you sound 🙄
OP I wouldn't tone down my hair, that's just typical sibling nonsense

She’s taking Bridezilla to another level. I’d tell her that if she insists on you being a bridesmaid then she has to accept you as you are. Dictating a major change to someone’s appearance because it doesn’t fit in with your ideal wedding is batshit.

You could suggest to the bride that the bridesmaids wear some sort of hat - maybe that would tone things down enough for her. I wouldn’t allow her to dictate a change of hair colour, and I’d be happy to stand down as bridesmaid if she insisted.

I love it when the Bridezillas turn up... if anyone is attention seeking it's the one that will be wearing the white dress, not you.

OP, if she's insisting that you're a bridesmaid when you sound like you could probably do without it, then she gets you, not an airbrushed fantasy version of you to fit in with her dream vision.

Tell her that you understand that her wedding day is the biggest thing that's ever happened to her, and you love that for her, but you won't be changing who you are in order to fit in with that. Hair colour included. If she would like you to take another role that enables a bright red haired woman to do it, then tell her to name it.

I have little patience with wedding related theatrics, it's the ultimate self indulgence.

Honestly I would keep my hair as it is - you are not responsible for your sister's response to that, she is choosing to take it as a personal insult.

It's just hair, she needs to think of the bigger picture of having a sister she can ask and that the important bit is she is getting Married not having a Wedding she can just post "perfect" pictures of.

Why can't she just love you the way you are?

Wow. So everyone who doesn’t have regulation blonde/brown/mouse hair is an “attention seeker who has yet to grow up”?

You sound like a barrel of laughs…

You nasty piece of work, do you feel better for kicking OP like that?

OP, please don't change yourself in any way to make your sister happy. Tell her the hair is staying, you won't be dying it/wearing a wig and if she'd rather you stepped down as BM then you'll do that. Make it her decision

My friend A and her best friend B got married within a month of each other. They were each others bridesmaids. A got married first. B genuinely tried getting A to grow and dye her hair for A's own wedding so she'd "look better" for B's wedding photos 😂😂😂😂 Some people are just like that. It's weird.

But YANBU to not want to change your hair colour for someone else's wedding. I'm a bit sad for you that you say you'll probably be toning it down just to keep the peace.

@PiperLeo your sister is what gives bride's such a bad name.

I get married in August, I am a bigger girl (20-24 depending on point in month & shop), my bridesmaids range from a size 6 to a 24/26. I took them to a dress shop that I knew did a good range of dresses and sizes and yes i paid.

My only insistence was the colour and I asked if they would consider going for similar lengths. After that I told my friends and the owner of the shop that my only concern was that they felt comfortable in.

As for hair and make up etc, I don't care how they have it or what colour they have their hair as long as they are happy.

Your sister is being a massive princess and awful. I hope to God you find a way to stand your ground and be you on the day!!

You absolute vile excuse for a human being.

So because someone doesn't conform to your view of normal.they are freaks....wow....just wow.

I strongly suggest you take your own advice and seek therapy for your diabolical opinions.

Thing is, if you go blonde, you could potentially ruin your hair

You're surely going to have to strip the red out (I assume you're 'proper' red not just auburn?) and then bleach even more. That's going to take some work

Absolutely not

👍🏻
you keep your hair colour and be firm with your sister.Say that if she wants you to be a bridesmaid you’ll go along with any dress but not change your hair.

She can ask - you can say no. What's the issue?

The issue is the sister is being bloody ridiculous!

A depressing number of people have got weddings backwards. The point is that you're making a commitment to your partner, and that you want your family and friends to share the day with you (cheesy, I know, but true). The photos, the colour schemes, the bridesmaid dresses - they're nice, but they're just window dressing.

Bright ŕed is a little extreme for a bridesmaid so I can understand her not wanting it but to ask you to change it is Bridezilla

Would you consider a wash in wash out toner so it isnt aa vibrant on the day?

Dianne from Strictly was a bridesmaid at Amy Dowden's wedding, red hair and all, in a pink bridesmaid's dress!

Turning your hair from that bright red, to blonde, would be so difficult and damaging to your hair and would require a long transition and a lot of expense.

I'd be minded to say "I can't change my hair to what you want for your wedding. I love my hair as it is, and feel it's part of who I am. If you can't accept me being in your photos looking like me, then I'm afraid I can't be your bridesmaid." Turn it back on her.

What's more important to her? Having her sister as her bridesmaid, or having someone with blonde hair as her bridesmaid?

Though, even if you're not a bridesmaid, you'd still be a guest and in the photos anyway - she's presumably not doing a quality control check on all her guests' hairstyles or outfits!?

Your sister is BEYOND entitled if she has asked you to dye your hair for her wedding. Completely ridiculous of her.

Truth hurts obviously 😆

@ChinaBlueBell you will be back in a few years on the relationships section saying 'found text messages from another woman on my DH phone' or my 'DH checked out'

But at least you will have amazing wedding photos on your Instagram 🤣

I guess it’s not normal being the Son of God (pretty special actually) but let’s leave religion out of this ☮️

She's got a nerve asking you to dye your hair a different colour. Tell her she doesn't have to have you as a bridesmaid if she finds your hair unacceptable.

OP I have the same hair colour as you. I love it, it suits me, and I don't really give AF what anyone thinks about it. It makes me feel brighter and better and that's all that matters!

Don't change who you are for anyone else x