To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

Ummm, I had a very loving wedding and all of my friends and family looked quite normal. My husband is a devoted family man but if you want to be VILE by suggesting and hoping otherwise, then that’s on you. What a VILE disgusting human you are 😆

That would be a hard no from me.

You be you @PiperLeo - and proud of your hair!

Well, OP is a person in her own right, not just a bridesmaid, and she's had the colour for years which her sister knows. If it was that much of a problem then she shouldn't have asked her to be a BM.

Out of interest though, why is bright red 'a little extreme for a bridesmaid'?

Her wedding, she makes the decisions about 'look' of the wedding party.

I wouldn't want someone with dyed bright red (or any unnatural colour) hair, or for that matter tattoos or facial piercings or goth jewellery or hideous long nails, or slug eyebrows, fillers, or 'contouring' as a bridesmaid. But then I never had bridesmaids and hate weddings so perhaps I'm not the best person to answer.

I do think that you hair could be jarring and stand out in photos, so i would consider her request. However, you could also ask if the photographer could tone it down in photos if that's what you sister would want, or you could wear a wig. Obviously you need to feel comfortable with how you look too, but it would be nice if you could find a way that makes you feel pretty but also pleases your sister. Maybe experiment with wigs or hair extensions and see if any suit you. At least then you would have given it a try. If then you still want to stay as you are, then i think that's absolutely fine.

Wear a wig. Take it off for the reception

I wouldn’t consider changing hair colour. The bride can ask the photographer to tone it down when processing the photos if she’s that bothered.

Tell your sister to take a hike.

I can't believe how many people think it's ok to ask someone to change the hair colour you have for years (and even to wear a wig🫨) because it will stand out on the bridzilla wedding.

The OP didn't beg to be a bridesmaid. The bride is not doing her a favour!

Does she has bad teeth, a fungus on her toes, a leg longer than other? I would be telling her to fix that and you will change the hair colour too 🙄 cause if you are going to be a bridesmaid you want to be next to a Bride that looks like the ones from the magazines. 💅💅💅

On a serious note:

• explain you dont think that's reasonable and the request actually upsets you
• if you prefer to avoid confrontation just tell her it's giving you anxiety and affecting your mental health and therefore you will step down from that role

She is just so so out of order. You is you, end of!

But the photos end up with the hair grabbing the eye and that's not what a couple wants for the rest of their lives

I don't think most people spend the rest of their lives looking at their wedding photos. When you're planning your wedding you might get a bit carried away about how important you thinkbthe aesthetic details are, but actually... they really aren't. It's one day. And then hopefully a long, happy marriage. Some people are so unbelievably shallow!

Wow how shallow.
Surely it’s about the people you are standing with, their love and the joy that they are sharing your day with, rather than their bright hair and ‘slug’ eyebrows

Her wedding, she makes the decisions about 'look' of the wedding party.

It's a wedding, you know, to celebrate the union of the bride and groom, not an am dram performance with your image chosen for you.

The 'look' of the wedding party indeed!

For the final time

A WEDDING IS NOT ABOUT THE PHOTOS

It is about two people getting married.
No apologies from me for shouting. Too many bridezillas have got their priorities wrong.

Jarring? What an unkind thing to say! Perhaps the BMs should all dye their hair beige so that they blend into the walls.

At our wedding we had the most sweet wee guest who totally stole the show with her cuteness. She's at the front on all the group photos and even cut our cake with us. We weren't bothered as it was about having happy guests and a lovely day with our friends.
This thread has been eye opening! @PiperLeo don't change a thing about your appearance. I would though be giving serious thought to just going as a regular guest and reducing the stress this is giving you.

Keep your hair red! I'd only say try and make sure your roots are fresh for the day for photos

Wear a pair of red horns with it

Tell her your not changing it so you’ll be a guest

@PiperLeo does she not realise that getting it blond would require bleach and
probably loads of maintenance - apart from it being a flipping cheek? Definite no from me.

What an absolute control freaking bridezilla she is.

No one should expect another person to alter their appearance.

Appalling behaviour.

How would you handle someone in a wheelchair being a bridesmaid? Or a black person rocking a large Afro style? Would they confirm to your standards of ‘normal’ or would they draw attention from you as the bride in those all-important photos? Just trying to understand what ‘normal’ means to you.

@CushionPicasso

How would you handle someone in a wheelchair being a bridesmaid? Or a black person rocking a large Afro style? Would they confirm to your standards of ‘normal’ or would they draw attention from you as the bride in those all-important photos? Just trying to understand what ‘normal’ means to you.

🙌

@PiperLeo that colour hair is fabulous 👏

Are you suggesting wheelchairs and black people are not normal??? How low of you.