To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

It's your hair and your body. It's not on her to tell you what colour it should be or how to style it.

Wear a wig or dont be a bridesmaid. That’s would be my options, and I have shocking coloured hair. But I sure as hell wouldn’t let anyone determine the colour of my hair or unnecessarily processing it just so someone else can look good on their wedding day.

YANBU. You're not her accessory, you don't have to colour match. She's being selfish.

I’m not entirely sure when brides got to dictate hair colour.

I would push back and say no.

If she takes your bridesmaid duties from you, you can wear a dress that you want.

Bridezilla.

Tell her no. Show her your post.

I usually side with the bride in wedding dramas because I totally get why people’s wedding days are important to them but this is just completely awful. Nothing to do with her what colour your hair is. You aren’t a prop for her wedding pics.

She gets to tell you what colour of dress to wear. She absolutely does not get to tell you what colour your hair needs to be. She’s massively unreasonable to dictate your whole appearance for the sake of her preferences for her wedding photos.

Bloody hell that's so rude. I'd tell her to sod off.

If you’d just dyed it bright red right before the wedding I can imagine her being a little peeved but this has been your look for years! She can sod off! (in the nicest possible way of course..)

Bit weird she doesn’t want you to
look like you when she looks back at her photos.

YANBU but does she perhaps think you did what you did for your other sister's wedding at her behest, and therefore that's why it's ok for her to ask this if you?

I was a bridesmaid with blue hair. At a deeply trad wedding where my friend married into minor aristocracy and the other two bridesmaids were classic English rose types.

She is being ridiculous. It sounds like she wants you as a prop for photos.

Weddings aren't about photos, they are about 2 people marrying each other. Everything else is just window dressing.

Tell her to choose a decent photographer and they can photoshop your hair to whatever colour she wants.

That's what my husband said 🤔

Fuck that, you've been that colour for years, don't wear a wig or step down from being a bridesmaid either. Tell her the red is staying, she can either stfu or sack you as a bridesmaid if she feels so strongly. Hopefully she'll back down then but if she doesn't, tell her tgtf

Hilarious just tell her to stop the bridezillaryness

I don't think so as she mentioned years ago before she had even thought about a wedding date, that if I was ever going to be her bridesmaid, I'd be dying my hair blond. I told her then that I didn't want to be a bridesmaid. She now feels hurt that I don't want to so I've kinda been guilt tripped into doing it.

I love this 💗

Your sister is selfish. Not you!

LOL no, she can't dictate you dye your hair! WTF.

I don't understand / agree with the whole "It's my perfect day! It has to be perfect and everything must be as I say!!!" attitude to weddings anyway. Seems very immature. As for photos, as long as the people you love are there with a smile on their face, that should be what matters

Not that your sister has any right to dictate your hair to you, but on a practical level red dye is notoriously difficult to get out. It would take you many dye jobs to get to blonde and you'd have to have it done professionally or you'd ruin your hair. So it'd cost a fortune and may not even work!

I've gone blonde over the course of a year from dark brown with a red ballyage (because grey roots, ugh) and it took ages to get rid of the red. In fact, one stubborn streak only went finally because I had it cut shorter.

Also, your hair sounds gorgeous and I bet you are too.

She's insisting you are bridesmaid AND wants to dictate your hair colour.

If you really would prefer not to be a bridesmaid then I think you could tell her you respect that she wants a certain look for her wedding but you are not changing your hair colour and won't be offended if she chooses someone else as a bridesmaid and you will look forward to sharing her big day as a guest.

Essentially she accepts you as you are or finds someone else to be a bridesmaid.

You’re entitled to have your hair the way you want it. Don’t let your sister dictate to you! She either has you as a bridesmaid with your choice of hair colour or if it’s a dealbreaker then she’ll have to accept that you can’t be a bridesmaid (which actually sounds like it might be a bit of a relief for you).

You keep your hair colour. Simple as that. If she doesn't like it, then tough.

She is getting married not becoming dictator of the world. The CF.