To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

Bottom line is that changing the hair colour will take time, be potentially damaging and isn't the colour the OP wants!
It also won't be that quick to change back

So her sister either puts up or does without her sister and her hair!

TBH, I think you should ask her why she asked you to be a bridesmaid knowing you love your red hair. Throw it back on her as a HER problem. Telling everyone you’re going blonde - knowing you’ve never considered this is the ultimate Bridezilla act. I’d rather step back and let her choose a different Barbie.

Right back at you. You're the one doing the insulting. I'm merely pointing out it makes you sound immature.

Oooh! Why thank you. 😆
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8YQzhPytcIw&pp=ygUQZnJlYWsgb24gYSBsZWFzaA%3D%3D

There’s nothing immature about having standards. Quite opposite in fact. And no, I won’t be clicking on your juvenile link. Grow up.

@ChinaBlueBell you've not got "standards", you're just shallow, it's the absolute opposite of standards.

Do you guys think you can take this outside instead of taking over the thread please?

It is up to the bride how her bridesmaids look. If she doesn't want bright hair, then the bridesmaid can choose not to fulfil the role. Personally, I would not have asked her in the first place.

Perfect example of your shallowness, bride can choose asthetically good looking bridesmaids, who match with her requirement, rather than nearest and most precious.

Just imagine being that shallow.... @ChinaBlueBell and personally you'd never be a friend of mine (and if a sister, probably NC or LC), so I would t choose you for a bridesmaid.

Where have I been racist @ChinaBlueBell?

Are you not familiar with the expression about digging yourself into a hole?

if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." It is used as a metaphor, warning that when in an untenable position, it is best to stop making the situation worse.

I am about as boring "normal" looking as anyone can be, but I take exception at being called racist.

A wedding to me and the majority of the posters on this thread is not about the aesthetics but about two people making a public commitment to each other.

I suppose you would be offended that the last wedding I attended was a same sex wedding.

Exactly this, but for some who don't see that. They want the photos to be controlled so when they're displayed for the five years before they're divorced, they can think "I made them all look like that".

It's a short lived joy, as shallow people are soon bored with, but it makes them happy before they chuck them in the bin.

@ChinaBlueBell well you do come across as very odd and your view of "normal", is very concerning. So people will make lots of assumptions about you.

I must say I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair as my bridesmaid, if you don't want to change your hair, tell her you can't be a bridesmaid. X

No, just say I won't change my hair, let bridezilla ask her to step down and show her true colours.

It's no wonder that so many people fall out over weddings. The pressure to conform to some kind of "normal" () aesthetic seems to blind far too many bridezillas. Being a bridesmaid at a mumsnet wedding seems to be a poisoned chalice.

Can I ask why though?

Someone you love, value, respect and have a close relationship with is someone you always thought would be your bridesmaid.

But they dye their hair red and you then don't want them to be your bridesmaid anymore?

Why? Is it because you think they'll somehow steal attention from you on the day? Surely your friends and family ones at your wedding love you enough that their primary focus is going to be you, the bride? And surely the day is all about celebrating your love and the photos will be a memory of a day filled with love?

How does a bridesmaid having red hair change anything about all that?

Maybe I shouldn't have asked my overweight sister to be my bridesmaid, or should have asked my mum to dye her hair

Oh no. Wait. They were my nearest and dearest and I wanted them there to celebrate my wedding.

We are still happily married nearly 43 years later.

@ChinaBlueBell

I am really struggling to see how you have arrived at the conclusion that @RampantIvy is racist. There is no evidence of this.

You have poured out a barrage of invective against people who you define as not being “normal” which apparently means no self adornment which wouldn’t have passed muster in a 1950s convent school. And gone on to say that it’s perfectly acceptable to choose people based purely on how well they adhere to your standards of dress.

You must understand how bigoted this sounds?

This is terrible OP- I’m sorry your sister has put you in this situation.
Your sister has no right to dictate what colour your hair should be. This is why I don’t like adult bridesmaids - what is their role? I always thought to was to support the bride but for lots of folk bridesmaids just seem to be some sort of accessory to the bride that needs to look pretty.
if I were you I would explain to your sister what your hair means to you and that you won’t be changing it. If the image of the bridesmaids is more important than the supportive role that you would offer then maybe it’s best you step back from the bridesmaid role (or give her the choice to have you with red hair or not at all). Not an easy convo I know.

MabelMaybe · 12/06/2024 09:31
Tell her you won't be bridesmaid. Then buy the mother of all hats and wear it as a guest”

🤣🤣🤣

She cannot and should not demand you to change your hair colour.

Tell her to stop being a diva and stick the bridesmaid invite.

You'll have a much better time as 'just' a guest anyway 😊

One of my bridesmaids was blonde, one had mousy hair and the third was a gloriously striking redhead. All 3 were bridesmaids because they were people I loved and wanted with me at my wedding. The idea of asking any of them to change to accommodate wedding photos would have never crossed my mind. People are more than their appearance. Weddings are about more than a photo!

My daughter has red hair. Extensions. And tattoos. She will be wearing bottle green as my bridesmaid this year...Alongside her younger sister. And I will love every minute of how beautiful they are.

This is a ridiculous request and I would not be beidesmaid If it were me