To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

As others have said, YANBU (IMO) However, I would offer to tone it down a bit, and say you will 'try' to make it look a more natural colour but blond is not on the cards.

That red is amazing 😍 I have bright hair colour too, and I change mine frequently. If this is your usual colour then noone will notice it. Changing the colour is going to draw more attention to your hair/you and I get the vibe that you don't want the attention?

What colour is the dress?

YANBU

She knew what colour your hair was before she asked you.

Ridiculous behaviour from your sister. Seen it all too often with weddings and it grinds my gears. It may not be conscious of her but it’s ridiculous nonetheless.

I know it’s easier said than done but when it boils down to it, there are two options here and you need to be firm with communicating them.

1 - you are bridesmaid and keep your colour hair
2 - you don’t be a bridesmaid and keep your colour hair (and if she drops you this says more about her so try not to feel bad.)

this is a HER issue, not a YOU issue. You’re already compromising and doing something giving towards her as I know so many do wearing a dress you’re not comfortable in on your sister’s wedding. It is completely unreasonable to expect you to change your appearance for her wedding!

Your sister is ridiculous. Tell her she accepts you for you or you’re quite happy to go as a guest.

bridezilla.

or if you’re going to bend to her crazy wish, ask her to pay for the trip to the hairdressers to make it blonde then the followup to make it red again. I suspect she will change her mind as that will be costly,

@ChinaBlueBell You don't have to. The song title is 'Freak on a leash'. Great song, made even better by the gorgeous and talented Amy Lee. 😍 I don't see why I need to 'grow up' for appreciating a good tune. 🤣

Quite, but it is immature to use the words freak/freakish about anybody if you're a grown adult. 🙄 We can argue about that until the cows come home!

I think your sister is being an ass.

my one bridesmaid dyed her hair an outrageously fugly salmon color, and never in a billion years would I comment on it.

You should look like you. And at least red is a natural hair color. Can you get like an brown red washout and put ontop for the day? Just mute it a bit? I don’t dye my hair so I don’t know. I use henna, and It barely tints my medium brown hair, but I love the purple or red tints and the conditioning.

but yeah. I think it’s crazy off her too be demanding blonde! Maybe grab a Halloween wig to prove a point? Like bleach platinum?

and I’m sure you b are more insecure about your body and no one else notices! We all do that. Especially if you were ever teased in school. I still have trauma over my ‘bushido eyebrows’ now they are back in (school in the 90’s when they were barely there!) and the bully overtwezed and has none. Ha!

but I still check them, and trim and worry!

This is bridezilla territory, tell her she's being ridiculous. Or ask her who else's appearance she has requested they spend money to change to fit into her wedding?! This is selfish and weird beyond belief!

Firstly going from bright red to blonde isn’t going to be an easy or cheap process. You shouldn’t have to change your hair it’s your body your head she can’t over rule that.

In my opinion, no, your hair colour should absolutely not matter.
When I got married my bridesmaids chose their dresses and shoes. Both of our Fathers also wore slightly different suits to accommodate breathing / Alzheimer’s needs (ties instead of cravattes like the groomsmen). Because what was important to me was that they were there and they were happy and comfortable.
Thats how it should be.

I wonder if she would dye her hair if you asked her to do so for your wedding? Ask her!