To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

Are you ok? Or are you agreeing with this very derogatory comment?

We see through you, sweetie. That isn't going to work.

I think it’s controlling to expect you change hair colour BUT to appease her I probably would put a wash in wash out colour over the red so that it tones the colour down for the week

I'm going to a wedding on Saturday and have just dyed my hair bright purple and pink! To be fair I'm not a bridesmaid and I did check with the bride first as it's a new colour.
But your sister knew what colour your hair was when she asked you to be a bridesmaid, if it was that much of an issue she shouldn't have asked you!

@ChinaBlueBell you're the issue here, by defining people with hair you don't like as not "normal".

Please define a normal person, is it one that has hair a colour that you decide is acceptable?

What other physical aspects do you define as making a person "normal"?

Fussy weddings are shallow- they are all about facades and look, that's why people wear silly dresses that cost thousands of pounds, daft suits with top hats and have bizarre things like pipers, release doves and butterflies and rent stately homes for the day. It's all about look and effect. I hate them.

It's a long established courtesy not to upstage the bride cage by upstage it's not just regarding looking better than the bride. Just don't turn up in a way that is going to draw attention to you.
Photos may not be important to you but they are important for a lot of people and wearing something or having bright artificial coloured hair will affect the way the photos look.

Would you be ok with someone wearing something very attention seeking?
Images below of guests lambasted for a) wearing a hugely attention grabbing dress and b) wearing white and looking too much like a bride.

It's just common decency and the rule at weddings. It's not about you. Even if you aren't trying to make it about you, if it's attention grabbing, tone it down.

@dunkdemunder

Would you be ok with someone wearing something very attention seeking?

I genuinely couldn’t give a flying fuck if someone turned up at my (hypothetical) wedding with bright red hair. Literally wouldn’t register with me.

Neither could I.
Some of us aren't bothered about being the centre of attention, some of us aren't so self obsessed that a bridesmaid with coloured hair would bother us and others, like @Thepeopleversuswork and I, really really couldn't care less.

We've just had this exact situation with my 17 year old daughter. Her dad is getting married in September and has told her she has to dye her hair back to her natural brown colour (hers has been red for about 2-3 years now) she brought it up at a family party last week and everyone else at the party told her dad to stop being ridiculous and he backed down.

You shouldn't have to change your hair colour at all.

I was really looking forward to see @ChinaBlueBell 'normal' wedding photos...but no luck.

Probs the devoted husband still organising them on their leather cover photo album

THIS, 👆
WITH A THOUSAND BELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 👌

Why does having a devoted husband offend you? How sad and vicious.

And I see through you loud and clear. Your harassment won’t work.

@ChinaBlueBell
I would much rather be a freak than be like you. Although throwing that word around makes you sound like an American highschool student from 20 years ago. 🙄

You’re in the daily mail @PiperLeo

Why did you check with the bride?

I wouldn't be wearing a wig, that's just as bad as asking OP to dye it, either Bridezilla accepts it or doesn't

You have no idea who I am but the fact you like throwing around insults anonymously on the internet shows you who you are. As for “freak” if the word fits lady 😆

@ChinaBlueBell

But can you not see looking back why some people were shocked that you wouldn't have someone you love as a bridesmaid if they didn't fit into your aesthetically acceptable category?

What if a dear friend of yours was ill and lost all of their hair, would you really ask them to step down as bridesmaid or wear a wig? Just because them not having hair might pull focus in a picture?

@ChinaBlueBell

In this circ, I think being able to be loving AND genuine might be a bit of a reach!

Dyeing your hair a bright colour means you need therapy? I've heard it all now.

Yanbu provided that you don't dictate to your sister that the colour mustn't clash with her dress choice. I wouldn't want to have to work around that.

I wanted people I loved…