To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

Thanks for your comments folks. I just wanted to see if I was being selfish. I probably will end up at least toning my colour down just to keep the peace because I know if I say no, she will take it to heart and think I'm trying to ruin her big day or something and I can't be dealing with that. I'm already stressed enough about all this and it's not even my wedding! I appreciate your honesty.

Can you tell her you're afraid you're not being a bridesmaid unless she gets a nose job, because you don't want her nose getting in the way of you looking beautiful in the pictures?

@Allfur

Tbf you might be right. It depends on what is being discussed. As it's dyed and bright, I'm picturing this.

It may not be this at all!!!

But this would draw the eye immediately to the hair which is nit something everyone wants in their photos.

Same as not everyone wants other people wearing white.

“She is getting married not becoming dictator of the world.”

@Marblessolveeverything words to live by!

It beats Live Laugh Love, doesn’t it?

Like Beatrice's toilet seat hat at William and Kate's wedding

YANBU to not dye your hair for this sister's wedding....but I am confused about what you said about your other sister's wedding - why would you think she would 'not approve' of your natural colour if she had never said anything either way and presumably grew up with you having it that colour....and if you think she wouldn't approve of your natural colour why on earth would you go from one unnatural colour (bright red) to another one (plum?) Surely the plum was the worst of both worlds as it was neither your original colour nor the colour your sister was used to you having (and presumably expected you to have?)

I just don't see WHY you would pre-emptively assume one sister wouldn't like your hair colour at her wedding so would pro-actively change it without being asked - but change it to something completely random. For someone who doesn't like attention that's quite a strange thing to do for someone else's big occasion, I imagine a lot of people commented.

Again - I DON'T think you SHOULD change your hair if you don't want to and I don't think your sister should have ever asked you to - but it does seem like there's a bit more going on here. Perhaps the fact that you'd voluntarily changed your hair for one sister is what led the second sister to think it was something you wouldn't mind doing?

Yep that's pretty much the colour I have.

That colour is amazing op 😍

As I said, I was going through an identity crisis. Now thinking about it, my mental health had completely taken over and I was overly stressing about everything. She doesn't like my hair colour either...theyre both very girly, blond hair, fake eyelashes, getting their eyebrows done regularly etc. I'm not like that at all. The other sister did mention my hair at some point but she wasn't adamant because I wasn't her bridesmaid. At the time I felt like people would be looking at me and thinking I was too old for that hair colour or that I just looked ridiculous so I made the (wrong) decision to dye it a few wekes before the wedding. I couldn't go to my natural color because it would have taken too long or would have been too expensive so I went for a darker colour that would cover the red.

Nobody commented. Why would they? The day wasn't about me. But In my head, I was being judged.

I have low self esteem but I don't feel as bad now so I'm not best pleased about being asked to change it.

She sounds awful lol. Hopefully this is just a bridezilla thing and not her usual personality! If she's really that bothered, she can pay to have your hair photoshopped any colour she wants, after the event.

@PiperLeo if you’re worried about your forearms perhaps get some long gloves.

No one can dictate your hair colour to you. Equally no one can dictate they'll be bridesmaid with their choice of hair colour.

If she insists tell her it might be best if she chooses another BM.

Don't think I'd want to be your bridesmaid either so no issues there.

What’s wrong with you?

Jesus. Normal? 🙄

That colour is stunning. I'd have loved you in my wedding photos. Your hair would have matched the bright pink flower on my shoes.

My friend got married three years ago (no bridesmaids, covid limit times) and two friends had very brightly coloured hair. The photos of us all just show loads of very happy people having a wonderful time.

I never get the angst over weddings. Surely they're supposed to be FUN. No-one is having fun if they are made to have their hair a certain colour/style or wear something that doesn't suit them.

Fuck me.

Saucer of milk Mini? No need for that level of nastiness. Did it make you feel better about yourself?

Well aren’t you just delightful.

How on earth is not wanting to dye your hair a different colour to suit the bride making the wedding about her?

This, tell her to sod off and accept you as you are, hair colour and all. If you do go for a wig try Shein, I bought some clip in hair extensions from them for a wedding as I was having an up do and needed more oomph, they were amazing and you couldn’t tell they weren’t human hair.

It would be fun trying on different wigs, I love a good old fancy dress party, any excuse for a dress up 😜

I've been happily married for 11 years. Had red hair on my own wedding day. I'm not jealous. Love that you feel the need to attack me. You're clearly a nice person to be around.

Haha so having red hair is "attention seeking"? What a load of nonsense

You think the op is an attention seeker and not grown up, and all because she has brightly coloured hair? Wow. I'd say that I hope you're not someone I know as I'd hate to be invited to your wedding, but I don't actually socialise with mean people so I suppose there's no fear of that thankfully. Oh and for the record my hair isn't dyed any colour at all, let alone bright , just brunette 😎 just so you can accurately insult me on my hair too 🤣