To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair in my wedding photos so I wouldn't ask them to be bridesmaid. Not my vibe at all.

I don’t think you want to be a bridesmaid. Just tell her so.

From the thread title I thought yes you should, but then I read you've had it for 10 years, your bright red is just part of you now.

Sorry you're going through this. Btw you can tell her if your hair is auburn naturally blonde is unlikely to look good.

Separately, can you have a dress designed/made specifically for you in the same fabric, or add a bolero or similar? The right dress will go a long way in feeling good on the day.

OMG. I thought your thread would be about how she wanted you to have a new style, not dye your flippin' hair! YANBU.

She shouldn't ask you to change your hair! I've seen a couple AITA reddit threads on this topic if you feel like googling.

@PiperLeo I understand where you're coming from. I'm 'bigger' too and for years my hair was my 'shield'. Unfortunately menopause and illness has destroyed it. I feel quite lost now.

However I'm swimming uptide here, but red will massively stand out in all the wedding photos. Like those black & white photos where they inject one colour.

How would you feel if the photos were 'fixed' to you having a natural colour? I think that's a compromise I could live with from both POV

One of my bridesmaids shaved her hair and got a tattoo on the side of her head, the week before my wedding. Couldn't even wear the floral head circlet thing, because the bloody tattoo had got infected.
I seethed inwardly but said nothing, because bride or not I couldn't dictate someone else's haircut. It's funny now, but it's taken a decade or two!

I think the true meaning of a wedding is being missed here, the aesthetics of some photographs shouldn’t be more important than the people we share our lives with.
Yes a wedding is about the love of the married couple, but it’s also about sharing that special occasion with the family and friends we love the most (regardless of their hair colour). Your red hair is part of who you are, if they love you they will accept that. And let’s face it, the main wedding photos are of the couple alone, does it really matter if the family photos have someone with red hair?! Ffs!

This. I'd suggest she finds a bridesmaid that already matches her colour scheme.

I would immediately bow out and just be a guest. There will be no winner in this scenario and it will only cause you grief and bitterness.

2 out of 3 of my bridesmaids will have brightly coloured hair (potentially). One red. My maid of honour could have her hair literally any colour, who knows! She did ask me if I wanted her to tone down in any way (tattoos, piercings, hair) but I said I wanted her to look like herself. She’s my sister and I love her as she is! The only aesthetic I’m aiming for is “happy”.

Do you want to be her bridesmaid? If you do, I’d just get a £30 wig to pop on for the ceremony/pictures and be done with it. You don’t have to change your hair, she gets the look she wants for her event, everyone is happy. I wouldn’t be able to be bothered with a fuss about something so easily remedied.

If you don’t want to be her bridesmaid then just tell her to kick rocks.

YANBU. Just tell her you won't be dying your hair. That you understand if she doesn't want you to be a bridesmaid with red hair and would have no hard feelings if she wanted you to step down, but you won't be changing your hair for the wedding. Tell her as nicely as you can. Don't get into an argument about it but stick to your guns.

I wouldn't change my hair. Either she wants me the person as her bridesmaid, or she can choose someone with the right look.

That is kind of shit because it's not really about hair, it's that she seems not to want you, as you are, at her wedding? Your hair is you, it is not about colour coordinated photos. I would be offended by being asked to change my look as well. (Unless you change hair colour all the time so less of a big deal?)

Absolutely not. Stay red.

Id never change my hair to be someone's bridesmaid. She needs to accept you as you are or find sometime else. Do you think she's jealous of you? Talk about insecure.

Blonde would be a difficult colour to take on top of red plus damaging to your hair. It's taken me years to her a blonde I'm really happy with. Pointless as you'd want to dye it back again.

Some modern brides are just bonkers.

They seem to feel that everyone has to agree to be extras in a film where they are the Hollywood star. They believe they have the right to totally control others. Everyone must do as they're told; sod you , I won't.

Obviously don't dye your hair to please someone else for one day! I doubt she's thought in enough depth to have considered you not looking like yourself in the photos though. My bet is that she's just thinking she wants to be the stand out one in every possible way (both on the day and in photos), and that with bright red hair you might be more striking/attention-grabbing.

Short and to the point! The sister is an arse.

Does she know the change when your other sister got married was down to your "crisis" or does she think you did it for the wedding? I can understand her asking if she thinks you did it for someone else, especially another family member.

I'd be inclined to tone the colour down a nad for the reason you've said @AmelieTaylor just so the bright red doesn't stand out to such an extent. What harm would it do to have a milder tone of red, it'll still be red, just not so vivid. Definitely no need to go ash blond or whatever, that wouldn't be needed, just a bit toned down from the brightness.

Why the hell should OP change her hair for a one day event? So what if it stands out in the photos?
A bride should not try to remake the people she loves to have them look better in her photos.

The 11% who have voted YABU are twats.